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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends DC & OnlyFans

229 replies

Clorrien · 22/01/2025 10:57

I’m feeling really conflicted and unsure what to do.
A few days ago DD (20) and I had a conversation about the likes of BonnieBlue and Lily Phillips. Mostly talking about how exploitative the porn industry is.
Anyway during the conversation she told me, someone we know has a “popular” onlyfans account. She then went on to tell me it is the daughter of one of my closest friends. The girl in question is 22. DD says she only knows as there is a link in one of her social media bios and a few of them who know her have spoken about it. I’m shocked tbh, this girl is beautiful, extremely intelligent (she got a full ride scholarship for a top US uni), and always seemed very well adjusted. Her family are very normal as well, parents very loving, not bad off financially so she has never wanted for anything. Apparently she uses a pseudonym but that seems beside the point.

Anyway, this girls mum and I talk most days and I’m finding it hard to not tell her, I doubt she knows and if it were my DD I’d want to know so I could protect her.

WIBU to tell my friend? Or is it none of my business.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 22/01/2025 16:46

ThoroughlyModernNotMillie · 22/01/2025 15:44

Discussing, warning and being disapproving is not dictating, it is caring. In any other career choice or move it would be quite normal for an adult child to discuss what they are doing with parents or other family members.
But going on your in detail comments about how Only Fans works, it's clear you are a sex worker yourself, so your ideas about normal behaviour are skewed. I presume you haven't told your own parents you're on there either.

Show quote history

I’m not a sex worker🤣 I have a very boring job, so does my husband, but as I previously said in this very thread, I have friends who have done or still do Only Fans. Also I’m not sure how old you are, but I’d say everybody I know is well aware of how these sites and pages work, it’s certainly not rocket science.

Is sex work the job I’d choose for my daughter? No. But I trust that I can raise my daughter to be the best she can be, and if as an adult she decides that she wants to do that then that is her decision to make. Just like it would be her decision to become a police officer, a solicitor, a surgeon- all anybody can do is raise their children and trust that they have done their job as parents well enough that their children grow into adults capable of making thought out choices for their future, whatever those choices may be.

Disturbia81 · 22/01/2025 16:33

chojoko · 22/01/2025 13:35

I have to say, I am surprised by how pro OF Mumsnet seems to be... I was still being an absolute idiot when I was 22, and def needed advice from my mum. People can bang on as much as they want about how empowering and fantastic OF is, but these women are putting stuff out on the internet that they may regret one day.

I'm surprised too, it makes grim reading.

Disturbia81 · 22/01/2025 16:32

ThoroughlyModernNotMillie · 22/01/2025 14:19

I'd love to know what kind of backgrounds all the women on here come from, if they'd not say anything to their own daughter if she was on OF, think sex work is an absolutely normal choice of work for their child, and would be fine with the thought that men are masturbating over their daughter as she performs sex acts on camera.
It says so much about some women, when being seen as non-judgemental and "cool" overrides actually caring about their child.

Well said.

ThoroughlyModernNotMillie · 22/01/2025 15:44

Mrsttcno1 · 22/01/2025 14:20

Dictating to your adult “child” is not caring about your child.

Show quote history

Discussing, warning and being disapproving is not dictating, it is caring. In any other career choice or move it would be quite normal for an adult child to discuss what they are doing with parents or other family members.
But going on your in detail comments about how Only Fans works, it's clear you are a sex worker yourself, so your ideas about normal behaviour are skewed. I presume you haven't told your own parents you're on there either.

Mrsttcno1 · 22/01/2025 15:20

madamweb · 22/01/2025 14:34

Fascinating. Because a quick Google shows lots of articles that agree with me

Show quote history

Fascinating, because some of us have real life experience and know it doesn’t work like that.

You set up your page, set your membership fee, promote your page on socials etc, people subscribe and pay your monthly fee which shows your “page”, similar to Instagram or Facebook in that once you’re a paying member you can see their “feed”.

You can also then sell additional content to your members, which is where the big money can be. Personalised videos/photos, video requests, photo requests, facetime calls, texts etc, all for an additional fee.

If your only knowledge of a topic comes from a quick Google search, you’re probably best keeping your thoughts about it to yourself :)

pinkyredrose · 22/01/2025 15:14

madamweb · 22/01/2025 15:11

Pretty sure you know how to Google

I am finding the determination from some on this thread to act as the only fans marketing board rather odd

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So you can't back up what you're saying?

madamweb · 22/01/2025 15:11

pinkyredrose · 22/01/2025 14:59

Care to share with us?

Show quote history

Pretty sure you know how to Google

I am finding the determination from some on this thread to act as the only fans marketing board rather odd

pinkyredrose · 22/01/2025 14:59

madamweb · 22/01/2025 14:34

Fascinating. Because a quick Google shows lots of articles that agree with me

Show quote history

Care to share with us?

pinkyredrose · 22/01/2025 14:58

madamweb · 22/01/2025 13:55

On another note, I wouldn't believe the claims of massive earnings. My understanding is it works like a pyramid scheme /MLM , so just like with Younique, forever living etc there is a real incentive to make outlandish claims about how much you earn in order to recruit new people and earn commission from them

It's not a pyramid scheme ffs!😅

Globusmedia · 22/01/2025 14:57

Adult children are entitled to privacy from their parents.

NiftyKoala · 22/01/2025 14:55

It's really not your business. No good will come from you butting in. I find only fans repugnant but she's an adult and it's nothing to do with you.

madamweb · 22/01/2025 14:34

Mrsttcno1 · 22/01/2025 14:18

If you’re talking about OnlyFans here then you’re completely wrong.

Show quote history

Fascinating. Because a quick Google shows lots of articles that agree with me

Nc335799544566 · 22/01/2025 14:31

madamweb · 22/01/2025 13:55

On another note, I wouldn't believe the claims of massive earnings. My understanding is it works like a pyramid scheme /MLM , so just like with Younique, forever living etc there is a real incentive to make outlandish claims about how much you earn in order to recruit new people and earn commission from them

It’s definitely nothing like Younique lol.

People can roughly work out what someone consistently earns on there by finding out what the subscription charge is and how many subscribers they’ve got. Minus the fee that OF retain (think it’s 20%)

Mrsttcno1 · 22/01/2025 14:20

ThoroughlyModernNotMillie · 22/01/2025 14:19

I'd love to know what kind of backgrounds all the women on here come from, if they'd not say anything to their own daughter if she was on OF, think sex work is an absolutely normal choice of work for their child, and would be fine with the thought that men are masturbating over their daughter as she performs sex acts on camera.
It says so much about some women, when being seen as non-judgemental and "cool" overrides actually caring about their child.

Dictating to your adult “child” is not caring about your child.

Ihopeyouhavent · 22/01/2025 14:19

Dont be a fool. The parents know.

ThoroughlyModernNotMillie · 22/01/2025 14:19

I'd love to know what kind of backgrounds all the women on here come from, if they'd not say anything to their own daughter if she was on OF, think sex work is an absolutely normal choice of work for their child, and would be fine with the thought that men are masturbating over their daughter as she performs sex acts on camera.
It says so much about some women, when being seen as non-judgemental and "cool" overrides actually caring about their child.

Mrsttcno1 · 22/01/2025 14:18

madamweb · 22/01/2025 13:55

On another note, I wouldn't believe the claims of massive earnings. My understanding is it works like a pyramid scheme /MLM , so just like with Younique, forever living etc there is a real incentive to make outlandish claims about how much you earn in order to recruit new people and earn commission from them

If you’re talking about OnlyFans here then you’re completely wrong.

MinnieBalloon · 22/01/2025 14:17

madamweb · 22/01/2025 13:55

On another note, I wouldn't believe the claims of massive earnings. My understanding is it works like a pyramid scheme /MLM , so just like with Younique, forever living etc there is a real incentive to make outlandish claims about how much you earn in order to recruit new people and earn commission from them

That’s not how OF works 😆

madamweb · 22/01/2025 13:55

On another note, I wouldn't believe the claims of massive earnings. My understanding is it works like a pyramid scheme /MLM , so just like with Younique, forever living etc there is a real incentive to make outlandish claims about how much you earn in order to recruit new people and earn commission from them

PeachyPomBear · 22/01/2025 13:54

HollyKnight · 22/01/2025 13:39

People aren't pro-OF. They're anti-judging-women and anti-slut-shaming.

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Exactly this. Funny how posters who claim to support other women only want to do so if she is making money in a way they deem acceptable.

Moreinheavenandearth · 22/01/2025 13:52

Of course you should tell your friend that her daughter could be at risk, could be vulnerable, could be in a distressed state if mind. Only Fans isn’t a reflection of a happy adjusted mentally healthy person

chojoko · 22/01/2025 13:45

HollyKnight · 22/01/2025 13:39

People aren't pro-OF. They're anti-judging-women and anti-slut-shaming.

Show quote history

There are definitely several people on this thread who think OF is absolutely lovely and happy and there won't be any tragic consequences.

Jazzabel · 22/01/2025 13:45

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 22/01/2025 13:25

Really? I mean, you'd really just keep out of it? No, not buying that.

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Yeah really. She’s an adult, she rents her own flat, pays her own bills. If she wanted to pay for it that way, what exactly could I do to stop her? She’d probably tell me to mind my own business anyway. And I’d rather not think of her getting up to that kind of thing online. If I was on onlyfans there is no way I’d want my family to know, and I’d resent them if they attempted to stop me or give me a lecture about online safety.

chojoko · 22/01/2025 13:43

ItGhoul · 22/01/2025 12:18

The girl in question is 22

Stop. Infantilising. Adult. Women. She's not a little girl ffs.

if it were my DD I’d want to know so I could protect her

You might well want to know, but you wouldn't be entitled to know.

Adults are allowed to do whatever they want with their own bodies and they are completely entitled to have their own sexual interests, regardless of whether money is involved or not. It's OnlyFans, so presumably she is in control of her own account and she decides what she does and doesn't do with it. She isn't being pimped out or controlled or trafficked. For all you know, she might be someone who gets off on being watched by strangers - plenty of people do, and there's nothing wrong with it if that's what lights their candle and they don't need 'protecting' from their own sexuality. Or maybe to her it's just something she's simply happy to do for the money - and that is also something she doesn't need protecting from.

It is not the place of anyone's mother to 'protect' a daughter from personal, independent choices about their sexual activity about which the mother happens to disapprove or disagree with. Just because your friend is her mother, that doesn't mean this adult woman is a stupid naive child who can't make her own informed decisions.

This absolutely none of your bloody business and you need to stop obsessing over the personal sexual choices of adults, choices they are entitled to make and which affect you in no way whatsoever.

You're entirely missing the point. The point is that, sure, you can slap up photographs/film of yourself on OF, but you have absolutely no control over who sees it. You might be totally ok with lots of grim men salivating over you, but you also have to deal with everyone else's (including @Clorrien and her kids) views on it all too. It doesn't just exist in some OF bubble. It's everywhere forever. You can't say it's "none of your business" because absolutely everyone can make it their business if they fancy.

HollyKnight · 22/01/2025 13:39

chojoko · 22/01/2025 13:35

I have to say, I am surprised by how pro OF Mumsnet seems to be... I was still being an absolute idiot when I was 22, and def needed advice from my mum. People can bang on as much as they want about how empowering and fantastic OF is, but these women are putting stuff out on the internet that they may regret one day.

People aren't pro-OF. They're anti-judging-women and anti-slut-shaming.