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Original poster

Breastfeeding and MN. Why so different to IRL?

242 replies

Gogogo12345 · 22/01/2025 09:57

I had read many many threads on here about the " restrictions" of breastfeeding. This morning is a child free wedding that the OP will apparently be EBF an 8 week old. This is a common theme. All these EBF babies.

Yet in real life there are only about half of babies that are still BF ( even partly)at all by 6-8 weeks
And only 1% EBF at six months

So why does it seem about99% of mumsnet babies are exclusively breastfed for months on end?

OP posts:
TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 22/01/2025 11:41

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I think it's harsh to describe it as a result of caring. FF mums care just as much about their children.

I do think it's more of a case of where you find information and support.

In my limited experience, WC women are more likely take advice from their families, who might be traditionally more inclined to FF. (For example, a WC woman I know talked about her milk "all drying up" at 3/4 months like her mum's had - aka, the normal time for milk supply to stabilise and leaking stops).

MC women are more likely to pay for advice and search for it on the internet. I have also observed that my friends and I also have more of an eye roll attitude towards maternal advice...

But in both cases, women are trying to get advice and care for their babies, because shocker, they love them.

AKettleOfDifferentFish · 22/01/2025 11:40

ShinyPebble32 · 22/01/2025 11:14

Oh the breastfeeding nuts are out in force in real life too!
When my DC was a newborn I had Facebook ‘friends’ who hadn’t spoken to me since school, and haven’t since, pop up on my posts to grill me about whether i was breastfeeding and send a load of ‘you can do this mama’ type bullshit. I exclusively pumped for 6 months and found it a totally brilliant ‘best of both worlds’ method for us, but they found it necessary to keep telling me how wonderful EBF is and if I just kept trying i would get it and it would be soooo much better than pumping 🙄 really strange how invested some people are in what other people are doing with their tits

Edited

really strange how invested some people are in what other people are doing with their tits

IMO it's to do with people wanting to validate their own choices.
So: "you're struggling with BF and it's destroying your mental health? Just keep going mama!"

Or, "you want to BF? How weird. So weird to get your tits out in front of your in-laws. You think you're better than everyone else, eh? So attention seeking. Mine were all FF and they're just fine. Fed is best. Bet you will have given up after 6 weeks, you'll see".

Mrsdyna · 22/01/2025 11:34

Bjorkdidit · 22/01/2025 11:33

Surely you must know that is very unusual or you're part of a population that is atypical of most places?

Show quote history

No, not at all.

Bjorkdidit · 22/01/2025 11:33

Mrsdyna · 22/01/2025 11:27

I don't believe that stat, most mums I know breastfed for years.

Surely you must know that is very unusual or you're part of a population that is atypical of most places?

Notgivenuphope · 22/01/2025 11:32

Mulledjuice · 22/01/2025 10:27

I'm curious about why you were adamant you wouldn't?

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I don’t want baby only settling for me
DH and both grans wish to feed - I want that too
We are an out and about family and I don’t want to get my boobs out in public
We are doing shared PL
I just don’t want to-and that’s enough

TorroFerney · 22/01/2025 11:31

KoalaPineapple · 22/01/2025 09:58

All my real life mum friends breastfed tbh I don’t know anyone who formula fed not that it’s a problem just an observation I think the figures are out of date

Snap. We were all older though I don’t know if age and demographic makes a difference?

user2848502016 · 22/01/2025 11:31

Most of my mum friends have EBF for at least 8 weeks actually.
And maybe someone posting about breastfeeding on Mumsnet is likely to be EBF? 🤔

Feelinadequate23 · 22/01/2025 11:29

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This is a mean post. I EBF for 6 months and carried on alongside weaning until 10 months because apart from a couple of issues in the first month where I had lots of help from a lactation consultant, I found it easy and straightforward. My NCT friend who only BF for around 4 weeks had SO many issues and tried SO hard to keep going. She ended up very ill in hospital with mastitis and was pretty much forced to give up. She definitely "cared" a lot more than I did and tried a lot harder than I did with BF. And I'm sure she would have had to do a lot more research than I did. Only difference between us was luck.

Mrsdyna · 22/01/2025 11:27

I don't believe that stat, most mums I know breastfed for years.

Parker231 · 22/01/2025 11:27

biggreenapple24 · 22/01/2025 11:12

Seems like it's very much an area/social class thing.

I'm in a somewhat middle class area. Majority of my antenatal/mum friends breastfed or attempted to breastfeed. Lots of us past 6 months.

I'm always surprised when people don't want to try as it's so much cheaper and there are lots of benefits for mum & baby, but that is of course their choice.

I didn’t try breast feeding because I didn’t want to. Cost of formula wasn’t an issue and it meant I didn’t have to do all the feeds or lack sleep. I don’t know how others fed their babies as I wasn’t interested and didn’t go to antenatal classes.

Squidtentacles · 22/01/2025 11:26

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 22/01/2025 11:10

I'm a minority here in the SE still a prisoner to breastfeeding 13 months in. I'd like to give it up but baby will not. point blank refuses a bottle no matter what I try. Milk in sippy cup no proper cup no. Don't know what to do.

This was me 2 years ago😆 I'm afraid he didn't stop until he was 2 months away from turning 3 years old! We tried all brands of teats, my pumped milk, and formula. He wouldn't touch anything that wasn't me!

CandidRaven · 22/01/2025 11:23

I'm breastfeeding my 6 month old but from observations most people I've known bottle feed from birth or soon after, breastfeeding can be tough at times so a lot of people who are breastfeeding come here for advice, either way I don't really know why it matters how many mothers are breastfeeding at 6 months, it's hard sometimes and I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to do it long term

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 22/01/2025 11:21

@Gogogo12345 mines only really 3/4 times a day but after two years I'd like my body to be my own again. My partner can't even so much as look at her if she wakes up in the night or she will have a melt down as she wants me and me only. I'm too worried to take it away just incase she's not getting enough calories or fluids.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 22/01/2025 11:19

Maybe an age thing? Friends who had children when they were in their 20s mostly bottle fed. I had kids later (at 35 and 38). My first had some latching issues and combination fed until I could manage to ebf. Second son was ebf to 6 months. Once weaned, I continued to bf both my kids until 2 yrs. A lot of mums I mixed with were in the same age bracket as me and also bf for a good 6 months or more.

HardenedTeaDrinker · 22/01/2025 11:18

Ohnonotmeagain · 22/01/2025 10:12

No the figures aren’t out of date. Bf rates are very low in the uk.

your personal experience of your friendship group does not extrapolate to the whole country.

in reality peer support is essential to the success of breastfeeding. If you know people who bf, if your mum and aunties bf, you have a sense of what’s normal. When everyone you know bottle fed and are saying the baby should only be feeding every 4 hours, should be sleeping through at 6 weeks, that your supply can’t be enough if they aren’t, why don’t you ff so we can all help out, you don’t know how much baby is getting, you might be starving her etc, (my experience) you switch to bottles because you trust and believe them, and are now worried your baby waking for feeds means you don’t have enough milk.

i know women still putting rusk in babies bottles at 6 weeks because their mum said it would help them sleep through. People take advice from those they know.

mumsnet figures will be skewed because posters are using the internet for advice, so are educating themselves on bf- they’re seeking out a bf peer group so they are more likely to successfully bf.

my mum is convinced bf is unhygienic and formula is better because it’s “scientifically designed” to contain everything baby needs. That’s what she was told when she had her children. So I found kellymom, and parenting websites like this and educated myself on bf, and successfully fed mine due to that knowledge. Had I not had those resources I would likely have taken everyone’s advice and bottle fed.

Show quote history

I wouldn't call > 50% "very low".

Breastfeeding and MN. Why so different to IRL?
MrsAvocet · 22/01/2025 11:18

elliejjtiny · 22/01/2025 11:13

I bf my youngest for over 2 years but he doesn't count as being EBF because he had some formula milk down his ng tube when he was in nicu. I think if the baby has oral medication then they aren't officially ebf as well which I think is ridiculous.

No, oral medication isn't counted.
Definition from the WHO: Exclusive breastfeeding means that the infant receives only* *breast milk. No other liquids or solids are given – not even water – with the exception of oral rehydration solution, or drops/syrups of vitamins, minerals or medicines.

AllEndeavour · 22/01/2025 11:18

I have a 3 year old and an 8 month old. Out of me and my 4 mum friends, 4 are EBF and one formula fed due to her son being very premature and a traumatic birth.

Parker231 · 22/01/2025 11:17

Why are people bothered about which set of stats they fall into. The only babies I’m interested in are my own - 100% formula fed and perfect. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or does .

It would be better if everyone focused on their own family and don’t comment on anyone else’s choices. There isn’t a right or wrong.

Original poster
Gogogo12345 · 22/01/2025 11:17

Areyounotentertained · 22/01/2025 11:14

I definitely think the figures are out of date. I EBF all mine until at least 1, slightly longer with my last and I know many people who have done the same (obviously they were weaned aswell)

Figures are last year

OP posts:
biggreenapple24 · 22/01/2025 11:17

I also think the 1% EBF at 6 months stat is potentially misleading.

By 6 months a lot of mums will feel ready to start leaving their baby to go out for a day/evening and dads might give a bottle of formula.

That baby could still be mostly breastfed, but mum doesn't want to/isn't able to pump so the bottle is formula.

I breastfed DD until 13 months, but occasionally she has formula (and more once starting nursery) so was no longer strictly EBF.

BertieBotts · 22/01/2025 11:17

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/01/2025 11:06

Mine were both still EBF at 8 weeks, and this was decades ago.
Might add that I had no problem unobtrusively feeding one of them at wedding, ditto dd one of hers, at a funeral.

@Ohnonotmeagain , IMO there was often a feeling in the past that anything ‘scientifically’ produced, that you had to pay for, had to be better than anything provided by Nature, for free.

Times have certainly changed in that respect, though. ‘

I don't think they have. I see this reasoning constantly on reddit.

Original poster
Gogogo12345 · 22/01/2025 11:16

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 22/01/2025 11:10

I'm a minority here in the SE still a prisoner to breastfeeding 13 months in. I'd like to give it up but baby will not. point blank refuses a bottle no matter what I try. Milk in sippy cup no proper cup no. Don't know what to do.

My daughter managed at 20 months by going on a week long work course. Basically took away the choice for the child as Dad couldn't breastfeed. Although it was only morning and night by that fime

OP posts:
LeBonBon · 22/01/2025 11:15

Support is quite good in my local area - there are BF groups (free) run by the council at children's centres, but BF rates are still quite low.

I EBF until 6 months.

Then BF with weaning (food only - wouldn't accept a bottle) until 1 year.

When I went back to work after 1 year DD miraculously suddenly didn't mind a bottle of cow's milk, so she had a mix of BF and bottles.

Got to 22 months and got pregnant again, and I developed a really strong aversion to it, it was horrible. So we stopped, and she was fine.

I plan to EBF again and BF until at least one year with the next baby.

Found it all much easier than the idea of dealing with formula, the cost of that and the sterilisation etc.

Areyounotentertained · 22/01/2025 11:14

I definitely think the figures are out of date. I EBF all mine until at least 1, slightly longer with my last and I know many people who have done the same (obviously they were weaned aswell)