Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Guy I’m seeing has said his ex is attractive a bunch of times.

81 replies

Katiem1982 · 22/01/2025 07:38

I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months (so yes it’s early days, but I’m impatient & don’t want to be wasting my time) & he’s said that his ex is attractive almost every time I’ve seen him. They have 2 children together so he has to see her regularly.
The first time caught me off guard but he was talking about how beautiful he finds his children & said they look like his ex who is really attractive. I didn’t think much of it then but it keeps on happening.
For the record, I wouldn’t describe his ex as attractive. She’s very plain, so him saying he thinks she’s very attractive surprised me, but obviously each to their own.
He also says that she’s a really lovely person but they are just very different & that’s why they didn’t work.
I’m very confused as I’ve never been in this situation before & im actually embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Katiem1982 · 14/11/2025 16:49

BobbyBiscuits · 14/11/2025 13:11

Yeah it's not really necessary to say that. Especially If you've seen her. If he's trying to big himself up in some way it's tragic. Mentioning characteristics of ones ex at all within two weeks of meeting a partner is usually a red flag. Other than to acknowledge you had a previous relationship.

@BobbyBiscuits yes you’re right. ☺️

OP posts:
Katiem1982 · 14/11/2025 16:48

NovemberMorn · 14/11/2025 13:08

She could look like Miss World or Quasimosdo's mother...that's really not the point.

Absolutely correct! 👏🏼 @NovemberMorn

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 14/11/2025 13:11

Yeah it's not really necessary to say that. Especially If you've seen her. If he's trying to big himself up in some way it's tragic. Mentioning characteristics of ones ex at all within two weeks of meeting a partner is usually a red flag. Other than to acknowledge you had a previous relationship.

NovemberMorn · 14/11/2025 13:08

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 12/11/2025 19:37

She does sounds lovely looking from your description, petite, dark, natural.

And that’s okay. He doesn’t have to think she’s plain.

She could look like Miss World or Quasimosdo's mother...that's really not the point.

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 12/11/2025 19:37

She does sounds lovely looking from your description, petite, dark, natural.

And that’s okay. He doesn’t have to think she’s plain.

B1anche · 12/11/2025 19:26

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 19:20

he didn’t do anything that bad, I just found it weird, but it’s been nearly a year & maybe he’s has a chance to reflect.

Yes maybe! 🤣

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 19:20

rainbowsparkle28 · 12/11/2025 11:15

You haven’t ended it. Know your worth and say no for goodness sake. Block and delete.

he didn’t do anything that bad, I just found it weird, but it’s been nearly a year & maybe he’s has a chance to reflect.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 12/11/2025 14:55

B1anche · 12/11/2025 13:09

So he makes you feel insecure and he goes on about his ex, but that's ok because he pays for stuff! I've seen people on here set a low bar before but this beats the lot! Some women really will put up with anything as long as they've got a man.

Yep dick before dignity - it’s a common theme on MN.

toomuchfaff · 12/11/2025 13:46

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 11:12

@Thunderpants88 i took everyone’s advice & ended things. I said i didn’t know what was going on with the ex but I didn’t want to be involved. We’ve stayed in touch & he’s asked to take me out again, which I think I’m going to do as he’s good fun, good looking & insists on paying for everything. 😁

Showed him he can act however he wants as long as he buys you stuff...

Setting the precedent. Dont moan when he treats you like shit (mental abuse, cheating - whatever) and expects a bunch of flowers will make it all better. You've made your bed. Go lie in it or stand your ground and end it and block him

B1anche · 12/11/2025 13:09

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 11:12

@Thunderpants88 i took everyone’s advice & ended things. I said i didn’t know what was going on with the ex but I didn’t want to be involved. We’ve stayed in touch & he’s asked to take me out again, which I think I’m going to do as he’s good fun, good looking & insists on paying for everything. 😁

So he makes you feel insecure and he goes on about his ex, but that's ok because he pays for stuff! I've seen people on here set a low bar before but this beats the lot! Some women really will put up with anything as long as they've got a man.

nutbrownhare15 · 12/11/2025 12:47

Unless you want to be reminded of this every time you see him I'd be ending it. Weird that he would think it ab appropriate thing to say to you.

Sparklinggreen · 12/11/2025 12:34

I think you made the decision to end it because you didn’t want to waste time with someone who still has some sort of connection to his ex, one that manifests as him talking about her attractiveness regularly.

Unless he has committed to change this, I don’t think seeing him again sporadically will help you?

NovemberMorn · 12/11/2025 12:15

And if he still mentions his ex...what then?

Perruquier · 12/11/2025 11:56

‘Nigel, you keep going on about this. Are you ok?’

weericky · 12/11/2025 11:49

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 11:12

@Thunderpants88 i took everyone’s advice & ended things. I said i didn’t know what was going on with the ex but I didn’t want to be involved. We’ve stayed in touch & he’s asked to take me out again, which I think I’m going to do as he’s good fun, good looking & insists on paying for everything. 😁

Goodness have some self worth Sad

TwistedWonder · 12/11/2025 11:28

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 11:12

@Thunderpants88 i took everyone’s advice & ended things. I said i didn’t know what was going on with the ex but I didn’t want to be involved. We’ve stayed in touch & he’s asked to take me out again, which I think I’m going to do as he’s good fun, good looking & insists on paying for everything. 😁

So you haven’t actually ended at and are just showing him your boundaries can be paid for.

But hey what’s your price for dignity and self respect?

rainbowsparkle28 · 12/11/2025 11:15

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 11:12

@Thunderpants88 i took everyone’s advice & ended things. I said i didn’t know what was going on with the ex but I didn’t want to be involved. We’ve stayed in touch & he’s asked to take me out again, which I think I’m going to do as he’s good fun, good looking & insists on paying for everything. 😁

You haven’t ended it. Know your worth and say no for goodness sake. Block and delete.

rainbowsparkle28 · 12/11/2025 11:13

It’s early days - get rid 👋

nellythe · 12/11/2025 11:13

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 11:12

@Thunderpants88 i took everyone’s advice & ended things. I said i didn’t know what was going on with the ex but I didn’t want to be involved. We’ve stayed in touch & he’s asked to take me out again, which I think I’m going to do as he’s good fun, good looking & insists on paying for everything. 😁

…so you haven’t really ended things then?

Katiem1982 · 12/11/2025 11:12

@Thunderpants88 i took everyone’s advice & ended things. I said i didn’t know what was going on with the ex but I didn’t want to be involved. We’ve stayed in touch & he’s asked to take me out again, which I think I’m going to do as he’s good fun, good looking & insists on paying for everything. 😁

OP posts:
Thunderpants88 · 12/11/2025 03:11

How did this one pan out @Katiem1982

bigkahunaburger · 24/01/2025 17:49

Few years back I dated a guy who kept banging on about how his young cousin was so hot. Even showing me pics. He really really went on about it. It gave me the total ick. Dumped. Not the only reason but it made my vagina zip up like a tent.

Yellow889 · 24/01/2025 13:01

Fuck that, I'd dump him now.

NovemberMorn · 24/01/2025 12:56

Katiem1982 · 23/01/2025 20:34

Hello! He complimented me loads on our first date, he seemed genuinely blown away. He still compliments me now, but not as much, which is obviously fine as that would get weird. His ex & I look very different. Her hair is straight, I wear mine curled or wavy, she has very dark eyes, mine are pale green, she’s 5’4” I’m 5’8”, she wears very simple makeup, I love a cat eye. He’s great fun & I do like him, it’s just a weird problem to have, but I’m certainly not going to keep just nodding & saying “ok” when he does it.

It does sound like he is still smitten with his ex, in your shoes I would not be getting more invested.

Better to get out now before you get in too deep, because being with a man who constantly fawns over his ex, will eventually bring you down.
You know your own worth, don't let anyone chip away at it.

Choccyscofffy · 23/01/2025 21:04

He could also be trying to make you think ‘wow this guy must be great if his ex was so attractive.’

Don’t fall for it, dump.

Swipe left for the next trending thread