DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

Couldn't say it better than this.

It's not you - he's an arsehole who sees being away as an opportunity to have his end away. Thank god you found out.

Oh dear, I read your initial post and my main thought was: it doesn't matter that he didn't sleep with her, the fact he accepted head from her not only whilst drunk but again in the morning when he should have sobered up and realised this was a huge mistake shows he has zero remorse for his actions despite having admitted them and 'talking the talk' now.
The messages he sent his friend were the next enormous red flag because he was obviously perfectly content with what he'd done, he was bragging about it, he had no concerns about covering his tracks with this person. Probably because the cocaine use is rife in his industry and so will the cheating be as well. Whilst he remains in that industry you can never trust him.
But I've now read your updates and I'm pleased for you that you've found the true extent of his behaviour and thrown him out. There's really no way back from this level of cheating. Especially when it all coincided with you being a new parent!
Don't fall prey to what will follow as his desperate attempts to salvage the relationship, this is absolutely unsalvageable.

The comment about the Spanish girl being in more drugs than him and the filming and the blow jobs without her getting anything, the comment he makes about how he hopes she puts out more, the bragging to friends, gives me a rapey or coercive vibe.

Very sorry to say this OP, not what you need to hear and I’m probably not correct but I’d feel remiss not sharing my instincts (based on just your posts though).

What an utter scumbag he is to do that to you and your baby! Not just multiple cheating but potentially causing health risks for both of you that is honestly vile! I'm sorry this has happened. I hope you find your anger and can channel this pain into making the best life for you and your little one without his cheating scummy self causing you more heartache! I only hope he can still step up and prove he's capable of being a good dad to your little one!

I am so sorry you are going through this.
Please vist your local sexual health clinic as they will support and test you.
Depending on how long ago you last had sex with him they may test you and ask you to go back after a certain time frame.

A cuckold. If there was another man there filming it, it's likely your husband was the bull in that instance.

Full STI check, and download all the data on his phone for your divorce. That clip can be evidence for starters.

Oh god op. I'm so sorry.
One thing is that he has behaved SO appallingly is that it's very clear you had to throw him out. This is a 100% on him - not that it wasn't anyway but no one could claim otherwise.

You may feel ashamed and humiliated right now but further down the line you won't. However, he will! I hope he is mortified.

Please tell people close to you, they will want to help.

Take care.

OP is distressed and in shock and there are far far worse ways of dealing with a crisis than seeking support and counsel on an anonymous forum of (mainly) mature women.

OP I am sorry.

I shouldn’t have commented about it being unlikely the woman just gave him a BJ. It really doesn’t make a difference.

If it’s any consolation, he doesn’t view these women as better than you or appreciate them more - he doesn’t respect them. I’m not sure your partner respects women full stop.

Do you have support ? A nice Mum or sister to go to ?

I know this seems like the worst thing at the moment but I honestly believe that whether you stay or go, things will be okay.

Maybe finding out now is meant to be, it’s an opportunity to start your life with someone else.

Maybe things are salvageable. Right now just breath, take care of baby, seek support and know that all will be okay in time.
xoxox

IMO it doesn’t matter whether they have full intercourse or “just” oral. It is cheating whichever way you look at it

Troll hunting isn't allowed on Mumsnet so do report the thread if you believe the OP isn't a genuine poster.

It's not so much as update us as it is getting the thoughts & feelings out as quickly as possible, to know someone has heard you & to not feel extraordinarily alone whilst said world crumbles & you're flailing.

The risk of trying to out trolls publicly is too high when you'll inevitably catch real human tragedy in your fishing net. It's not worth it. Report if you like, or just don't engage.

OP as someone with a 1 year old, you and your baby deserve so so much more!! So he was cheating on you whilst you were home caring for your precious little baby. He was even cheating on you newly postpartum. He’s a serial cheat. He brags about it to colleagues. He doesnt care about your marriage or you at all. He could have exposed you to STDs when pregnant or newly postpartum and potentially given your baby an STD because you wouldn’t have known and if you delivered vaginally or had HIV off him then it would have passed to your innocent baby. Please think of that. He not only risks your health, but your innocent child’s health. I’ve written this all down and urge you to write down everything, because he sounds like a master manipulator and once the shock and anger wears off he will try and break you down and you HAVE to remember what he’s done. Look up Mollie Mae and Tommy Fury, this reminds me of them.

I think it’s unlikely an attractive woman would give head twicd in the first date for fun. I also think it’s unlikely he’d have not offered or gone down on her or fingered or tried to give her some pleasure in return.

I mean, isn't this the case on quite a lot of MN threads? If you're really struggling that much to get your head around why people post then maybe it's not the place for you

I am really sorry that this has happened to you and your little baby. I don’t understand how people do this. I really hope you get the chance to be really happy in the future. I don’t have any advice but wishing you lots of strength to get through this.

OP I think you ask a great question- who would do all this?
I recommend you research the answer. Research what type of person would typically make obscene photos and videos like that and then let a woman he is attracted to 'discover' them so he can witness your reaction.
What type of person who would frequently use sex workers in this repeated and casual way (these women are definitely sex workers).
Honestly OP he fits the profile of a sex offender.

Your early updates made me so sad, like you were looking for the reassurance that it was 'just' oral sex (twice, once drunk once sober)? Is that how low your bar is?
It's a huge responsibility to model healthy relationships when you have a daughter - leaving this awful man is an amazing and very necessary first step, well done for doing it.
In future please find a way to value yourself more highly so that you don't end up with someone like this ever again. You are worth so much more.

If you stay he will do it again. Even if he doesn't you'll never trust him. He's ruined the relationship, there's no reason to stay it will destroy your life and self esteem. Head to chumplady.com and get the hell out of there.

To summarise for people who can't RTFT
Husband a bit of a scumbag, OP still loves him
Turns out he's a bigger scumbag, OP asks him to leave
Actually he's even worse

Why can't people read the OP's posts before commenting?!

I went on a work trip last month and the evening consisted of eating a plate of pasta in a restaurant and then excusing myself from the after dinner drinks and watching I’m a celeb from the hotel bed. Don’t let him manipulate you into thinking all of this wasn’t his own doing entirely.

He sounds like a scumbag and I’m glad to hear that you’ve asked him to leave

He is minimising this so you will stay. He done more than one line and he had full sex with her. You deserve better but only you can decide if you are willing to stay with a drug taking cheat. I would imagine he planned to cheat the minute he knew he was going to Barcelona because he can't stand not being number one priority in your life now you have a baby. Many men act like spoiled brats once they have children. He will tell you it is your fault for not putting him first but it is his fault for not growing up when his child arrived in the world.