DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

This is so sad to read especially as you have such a young child. I hate to say it but once you forgive, I just feel the respect for you, in his eyes has gone (not that he’s shown you any level of respect by doing this) and he’ll just do it again because you’ve forgiven him before. Also he was very drunk but managed to ask for her instagram?!

If he’s in an industry like that, it won’t be the last time he uses coke either.

You've literally said you don't believe him, so add in liar to the mix.
He cheated and then lied to you about it.
He boasted to his friend about it.

He's only showing remorse because he got caught.

And now he knows he can do it and get away with it again, but he'll make sure he covers it up better next time.

How will you trust him the next time he goes away for work?

Hes gone away, asked someone for their insta, took drugs, got his dick sucked, probably had full sex multiple times with her, text his mate to say she gave good head, but you want to save your marriage? Sorry this has happened to you, but wow! He doesn't deserve that chance.

There’s no ‘sort of’ about it: he cheated. And used cocaine.

I’m so sorry, OP. That would be it for me.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

The first step is to book an STI check for yourself. He has shown himself to be untrustworthy, and your health is too important to now take his word that it wasn’t more than oral, or that this was the first time.

I did wonder about this. Or someone has threatened to tell you so he's covering himself.

He’s not that sorry if he’s telling his friend that she gave good head! It’s so disrespectful!

A wise mner once asked me if my relationship with my dc dad was the kind of relationship that I wanted my dd to be in when she was older. That really hit me. I wanted my daughter to know what a happy, healthy relationship looked like and I certainly wasn’t modelling that behaviour by allowing myself to be treated like shit.

Bragging about it to his work colleague? It may be that he only told you because someone else knows and he is covering his back, i'm sorry OP

Read all his messages and then contact her for her version. Don't say to her what he told you and you will hopefully get the truth.

If he's bragging to his friend then he will more than likely do it again as he is not remorseful.

For me it would not matter if they had full sex or not ,it would be over

OP as a start, check his insta for the date he followed her. It might tell you a lot...

Tell him he can never go away without you again, or away overnight without you, even if he has to change industry. See how remorseful he is. He should be doing anything he can to reassure you if he wants to save your relationship, including not going away without you so you can be sure this isn't happening while he's away.

Oh op. That's so hard.

At least if this was a holiday or something you'd have chance to figure out how you feel before you had to emotionally face his next 'temptation opportunity'.

I'm so sorry he has taken away all your emotional security like this.

Please seek help in real life, don't be ashamed, the shame is his and you really need your support network, so that comes before protecting him (or your marriage) from the approval of others.

Choose a good person to talk to, you need someone who will not force their opinions on you and let you work through this in your own time. But in this situation you need to feel someone has your back.

It gets worse and worse. He didn't seem too remorseful when bragging to his buddies did he?

Sorry but you’re an idiot if you stay with him. He’s lies, cheated, taken drugs. A series of partially planned and calculated events. All deal breakers for me. You’ll never trust him again. This won’t work. And clearly for him to do all this means he does NOT love you or is in love with you otherwise he wouldnt hurt you. Get an exit plan.

I don't think it matters what type of sex it was. I would not recover from this. Life will be ok without him. You're still young, find someone who respects you.

Well for a start I'd want to read all those messages.

Then it's likely that every time he goes away, you will be waiting to see if this happens again. And you know this time, because he told you. Wondering what he doesn't and hasn't told you could get very exhausting.

Oral sex is definitely sex, the detail of whether he only put his penis in her mouth or also her vagina is not the relevant thing to focus on. Whether YOU can ever feel secure again might be more relevant.

If she is young then it is totally possible she only invited him over for oral. It doesn't increase body count, doesn't count as a one night stand. I can totally see that happening in a Catholic country. I've done it one once when I was young cause at the time I wasn't sure how I felt about one night stands. A guy has done it for me as well. But he had his personal hang ups and somehow him giving oral didn't count as sex. That's being said, this day and age I feel like oral is so much more intimate than sex. And it most definitely counts as cheating, not just kinda.

You say you want to stay with him. So this means you have to learn to trust him or accept this will happen when he uses drugs. There is coming back from this if you're genuinely willing to do this. What has he offered to do to fix this? He needs to be the one to do the work. He can't just say 'I'll go to counseling if you want' he needs to say "I've booked us a couples counseling on date x and I've booked perosnal counseling on day y. I've organised babysitter for both days".

Also you can't trust this is the first time or that now he has got away with it he won't do it again. You need to have regular sti tests .
One day you will wake up and realise you deserved better and if he truly loved you he never would have done it

Do the details matter Op? He cheated.

Ether his version or what you suspect make the events no better