DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

He bragged about getting two amazing bjs... He is not remorseful in the slightest.

He will do this again, especially if you stay.

So he travels regularly…..
First time caught seems more likely than first time cheating.
Hes a druggie - doing drugs whilst on work trip - sackable offence !
Boasting to his work colleague about s.

I think he needs to leave while you think
You’re in denial OP and being much too easy on him

Has he got an STD ? Have you been checked ?

Boasting to his mate is the most disgusting bit. If he were genuinely remorseful it would have kicked in the moment he woke up sober. Instead he woke up horny, had another BJ and then boasted about his conquest. [puke]

The messages tbh are just as bad as the act, no remorse (of course he’s remorseful to you, but clearly not “really” regretting it, he seems pretty chuffed tbh!).

I think if I had to choose between my child growing up in a divorced family, or growing up with mummy never getting over it, always thinking of it every time things got bad, resenting the husband and always wondering “is he…” every work trip/ night out, I know which one I’d pick. I think the messages and details will probably eat you alive.

Wow, you’ve got a catch there op. What an utter cunt. Best head he’s ever had. That’s how he talks about women is it, whilst he’s enjoying what she’s doing to him not giving a shit about his family at home??? Oh to be a man eh?? Get away with everything. More fool you to stay.

So first off, the only reason he didn’t sleep with her is because she was “a tease” and said no. Meaning, if she had let him he would have fucked her. Don’t doubt that for even a second. Planning and hoping to sleep with another woman he is in bed with is absolutely as bad as if his penis went in.

Do not for even a second minimise this to yourself as “just head” - which as a PP said, is in some ways more personal/intimate.

After you asked about following her on IG, which “reminded him” for the first time - did he immediately unfollow her? Because if not, he wasn’t just reminded, he knew and wanted to continue following her.

How can you ever trust this man again? He wasn’t given opportunity and took it without a second thought. You deserve far, far more than this. I’m sorry OP, I would be sending him packing.

What a fucking scumbag. He has no remorse as demonstrated by the messages to his friend. If you stay with him, he WILL do this again. And more. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. I would be kicking him out right now.

I expect he’s told you as someone else might have threatened to or there is something else that’s forced him to.

No woman picks up guys to give them blowjobs. The idea is preposterous. Unless she wants to get STIs.

and there’s no excuse for taking Coke. Unless of course you are a Coke user. Which he is.

Because he's in her head, throwing all kinds of emotions around.

Get space op!!!

For gods sake have some self respect and kick him out. Those messages to his friend weren’t when he was off his face and he certainly showed no regret. He was showing off. I couldn’t even look at him. I presume he’s going to have to keep working away, how will you ever trust him? He’s a disgusting pig turned by a pair of tits and now he’s had the 2 best blow jobs of his life and wants to come crawling back. I’m so sorry but you can’t stay with this man.

You’ve called it.

They’ll start TTC #2 now. She’ll become increasingly bitter as she heads towards her 40s.

Many of us have seen this story before.

So sorry this has happened to you OP. From experience in a previous relationship he isn’t telling you the truth. He will also do it again and you will never fully trust him again. You will start to struggle when he’s away/out and he won’t take it well. You will end up being ‘the problem’ in the end. Get out now. It won’t be easy but you won’t regret it. You deserve better and so does you baby. Sending hugs. I know how hard this is. I’m out the other side now. After an 8 year relationship with drugs and cheating I’m not happily married with 2 beautiful babas. No worries about drugs or cheating.

Does it matter?
Its not cheating only if a penis enters a vagina
He cheated end of and you need to decide what if anything you are going to do

The only reason he didn’t fuck her was because she wouldn’t let him. If that’s true at all. If the opportunity had been there he would have taken it. I presume there will be more work trips. You will never be able to trust him again. What he did was just as bad . Kick him out.

'Best head Iv ever had NGL'

Yeah love, he isn't remotely remorseful.

I promise you that if you forgive him he'll take it as a green light to do it every fucking time he goes away. You know he will.

with all due respect, OP, you're focusing on the wrong thing here.

I actually felt sick reading what you wrote. This man is vile and you and your baby need to leave him. I would never be able to get past this in a thousand lifetimes. What a disgusting and sleazy drug user. Grim. I'm sorry this has happened to you. Run, don't walk!

It'd be over for me , oral sex or full sex . I'd never trust him again

When they got back she apparently said she doesn’t sleep with guys the first time she meets them but she would give him head. He said he didn’t really believe her that she wouldn’t sleep with him, but she did in fact just perform oral sex.

So the only reason he didn't have sex with her wasn't guilt, wasn't the thought of his wife & child, no it was because she said no!!!

He went back to hers fully intending to have sex

This is spot on

I voted yabu, purely because it shouldn’t matter whether it was just repeated oral sex or ‘full’ sex. To me that’s cheating regardless so it wouldn’t matter.

I don’t think it matters either way - he’s cheated, the trust is gone and things have changed now. This will always be on your mind when he goes on work trips now. I’m too old now to forgive this type of thing - I probably would have when I was younger.

If you do forgive him, I certainly wouldn’t be giving him “head” again. He’s already told a mate the Spanish girl was better and frankly you won’t know where his dick has been.

Sorry you are going through this - it’s really shit 💐

If you want to stay that’s your decision but I can only see it leading to heartache. The trust must be gone. Plus I have no doubt he will do it again. What a skank.

You’ll also forever be having rows about boundaries, like whether he can go on a work trip, stag night etc because you’ll never trust him to be out on his own. He says now he’ll not go away/ see his mates but in a couple of months it will all be different, how he’s proved himself by not shagging anyone else for 6 weeks, how you’re being unreasonable…

I’d also be thinking about my child, they are still young enough that a separation should be much less damaging than if you struggle on for years and you get divorced when they’re 10/ 11 etc.

Who cares if he went all the way or not.

this is horrendous. For your own dignity and your child’s sake, leave this man child.

👌