DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your painful situation and bearing in mind the number of responses I'll try to be brief. I'd suggest that making rash moves at this incredibly destabilising time isn't wise. Set some ground rules and allow time to work out what you both want from the marriage now. Whether that means sleeping separately, living separately (temporarily), talking/not talking, engaging a counsellor or not. Dwelling on whether he had penetrative vaginal sex seems like a red herring. Intimate acts were undertaken and your trust is shattered. That feels like the real issue. I would also gently say that you can recover from infidelity, as an ex-couples counsellor I have seen it many times and if he is truly willing to be open and remorseful and you feel able, working through this can bring profound change and depth to the relationship but it will never be the same as it was. The fact you instantly knew and he instantly confessed to sexual activity and drugs suggest he's not good at deception and not a practised philanderer. This may bring you some relief, it may be irrelevant to you. Everyone deals differently with breaches in marriages but this is your relationship not others. Sometimes having friends telling you what to do just serves to increase feelings of shame i.e. we feel 'weak' for not leaving and that everyone will just call us a fool for staying but if he is a genuine person who till now has been a good dad and partner then perhaps it's worth considering all options. All the very best at this incredibly hard time.

That's horrendous. The messages to his mate about it are so disgusting and those alone would cause me to break up with him, regardless of what he has actually done. The lack of respect he has shown you. I'm glad its over and you can start to heal

Jesus you poor woman. What a dreadful shock. Please reach out to anyone that you have for support in real life, ask someone to mind your baby for you while you process some of the shock and grief if you can. Hugs to you

Well that doesn't sound remorseful at all, who the hell says something like that after cheating on his wife? Has he unfollowed her now at least? I don't believe someone would take a stranger home just to give them head, nothing in it for her.
ETA: how did he excuse the sober head the next day? Off your mind on drugs you don't usually take is bad, but sober the next day is so much worse. I can't see any remorse in his actions.

He’s disgusting.

I can guarantee with his wilful pattern of cheating that what you now know is STILL the tip of the iceberg. The only reason he was shifty and this all came out is because he’s been backed into a corner this time. I can guarantee someone had threatened to tell you, he knew the net was closing in as his colleague knew or he had ‘the dreads’ from drinks/drugs etc.
Allow the rage in your tummy that you will discover to keep you moving the next few days. Please book an urgent STI test.

This, exactly. I think being off your tits and not responsible for your actions is one thing, and possibly forgivable. But in the cold light of day he did it again, which is a decision he made while in control of his senses . I'm so sorry you're going through this. Big hugs

What a terrible shock for you. It's absolutely decisive now isn't it. You were considering moving on from it when it was just the one woman but now it's everyone bumps into you can't possibly do that. What an idiot he is. Absolutely dick driven.

FWIW I never understand why a woman would just give oral sex and get nothing back. If I were her I would've felt quite threatened by his last message.

A marriage could never recover from this level of betrayal.

Please do not weaken in the days or months ahead and consider getting back with him. You would be setting yourself up for a life of misery. He isn't the man you thought you married. He will never change. He's a confident entitled cake eater with zilch integrity or morals, able to compartmentalise a loving wife and baby at home to happily sticking his dick elsewhere when the desire takes him.

You deserve so much more and so does your child. I'm so sorry. Please confide in family and friends, particularly as he seems the manipulative type who will change the narrative, play victim and trot out with all kinds of excuses to justify his behaviour.

Regardless of the details, he cheated. He broke your trust and is a total scumbag.

Now you decide whether you want to allow him to walk all over you, never trust him again and always worry when he is out of sight or you say bye bye and start a new life for you and your baby.

Uurgh, my first H was like this. I was clueless, until someone actually told me. TWENTY years wasted (apart from having my lovely kids). Shock doesn't cover it, I think I actually had PTSD or a breakdown of sorts. I'm so sorry.

I know you won't believe it now, but you will go on to have a happy life with someone else, and you will be glad you found this out when you did. I am now married to a different man, who has never once behaved like my first H. He's a lot better looking and could have his pick of women, but unlike first H, he actually has morals and loves me.

Onwards and upwards my lovely. A few years from now, you'll be over this and with someone heaps better, I promise.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. He sounds way to immature to be a husband or father. You can tell from the friends short responses that the friend doesn't approve or want to be involved in the conversation.

To me it wouldn't really make a difference. From what you've said in your op, that's enough for me to leave.

I’m so sorry to read what you are going through. He is a total loser, cheating wherever he can and now he’s lost you and your child. Thankfully now you know the truth you won’t spend your life wondering what if he does this again and you will go on and have a wonderful life. It will take time but project yourself to this time next year and you are happy and looking forward to your future.

Men who have everything, really will just throw it away. I will never understand it. I wish it was more shocking but having known so many other women, including myself, be subjected to this I just can’t even be surprised. Depressing. I’m so sorry OP.

I wonder why he decided to come clean now, after having cheated before and kept silent. Possibly this woman intended to message you or someone was onto him. Either way, don’t let him try to minimise any of his wrongdoing. He’s a serial cheat and a liar. Well rid.

Gosh I’ve seen your updates. So glad you found those and can free yourself. His poor mum when she finds out! What a lot he’s lost.

Oh wow I hadn’t read the rest.

what a scum bag. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much more. I hope you can hate him now.

It is awful but if you don’t want to split up don’t feel pressured to.

It is possible that he is telling the truth, maybe she wasn’t up for full sex as she had her period, who knows.

I would ask him again to clarify, did they have full sex. You need to know if you need an STI check.

He doesn’t sound very responsible, you are both young tho. Only you know what is best for you and your family.

Just read your updates OP and so sorry this has happened to you, hope you have family or friends nearby that can support you? What a scumbag he is.

Men are such fucking creeps (not all men I know.. but far too many)

The details don't matter.
He was unfaithful sorry.

OP when I read your message about all the other women I gasped in horror. I am so so sorry. But you really are doing the best thing for your baby: showing them how to stand up for themselves and not be a doormat. Please remember that when things feel tough. I do wonder why, if he’s cheated so much before, he came home and admitted it this time? What’s different?

Make sure you get copies of messages etc because many years down the line he will change the narrative and deny everything. And your adult child may well believe him. ( I have a close friend this is happen to)

@Bellanova omg i am so sorry this is happening to you.

For him to boast about this screams a lack of respect for you. No shame.

I’m not sure I could stay after that. I could forgive the sex act maybe but not the boastful messages and the fact he stayed all night.

However, if you do stay with him, please drop this in when you’re having a family dinner at his parents’ house.

I sincerely hope you’re ok. Ask yourself if love can exist without respect? I don’t think it can. Take care.x