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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I ungrateful?

132 replies

modernshmodern · 21/01/2025 20:39

I had a pretty big operation a few months ago. I'm off work and in physio. Dh has had to work from home and do all school runs and dog walks plus take me to appointments. It's been rough on him and I had been in a lot of pain and on very strong painkillers so not fully with it a lot of the time. My physio wants me to start a group session fortnightly on a weekday morning as part of my rehabilitation. He booked me on the next session .

Dh was at the appointment when we booked it but then mentioned today (about a week later that he can't just take time off to take me, and that I might have to sort something else out. I suggested he drive home rather than wait, or go to a cafe and work there. He said no and then repeated that he can't just take me and it's not fair on him.

There is no one else who can take me , any family members who drive are at work or live too far away. I need support so taxi wouldn't work. I pointed this out and said if he can't take me then I can't go. And that making me feel guilty for putting on him wasn't really fair. He got angry and told me I am fucking ungrateful for everything he does. I said if he can't take me then i can cancel . He said don't cancel.

I think this is unfair because the reality is he has to take me or I don't go. If he can't take me that's fair enough but making me feel crap for it is unfair. I constantly feel guilty as it is to the kids and him. But I can't rush my recovery or I risk setting myself back

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 21/01/2025 20:52

Patient transport?
Assist Uber?
Volunteer patient transport?

Itiswhysofew · 21/01/2025 20:51

Awful to get angry and tell you you're fucking ungrateful. You're just trying to get your recovery done.

Is it NHS physio? Perhaps they offer transport for patients?

Baileysandcream · 21/01/2025 20:51

Him being your only source of help or support must be very hard to manage and also not ideal - what happens if he is temporarily incapacitated in some way or unable to drive?

What about hospital transport? Or asking friends? You may be surprised how willing people will be to help out if you ask them.

NoSoupForU · 21/01/2025 20:45

You say nobody else can take you because they're working, but so is he. And if he's doing everything else he's likely already pushing flexibility and good will to the limit as it is.
How do people get to appointments if they don't drive?

Whatabouthow · 21/01/2025 20:44

It does sound a bit like you just expect him to leap into action and add it to his already very extensive to do list. I think you need to explore other ways of getting there or alternative options at different locations or times.

LostTheMarble · 21/01/2025 20:43

It sounds like it’s been a very tough time for everyone. Where is the appointment held? Is there hospital transport available, or could you ask about a special care ambulance to take you to and from the hospital? Have you any other support services involved? It’s unfair to put either of you in this position, you can’t help being unwell but your husband evidently has to work amongst everything.

TY78910 · 21/01/2025 20:43

I think if he is already taking time away from work to do school runs, look after the kids, take it to some of your appointments then adding another appointment that he would need to take you to is a lot when you stack it all up.

Of course your recovery is important, and you said I do in sickness and in health , however you do need to also understand that he has a responsibility with Work and can't just take unlimited time away. I can also imagine that it's probably a lot for him to juggle and he can't add another thing to it.

Can you ask a friend or a relative?

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