AIBU to think that partner encouraging 4 year old to swear is the final straw?

Hi OP, I agree with you, you need to leave. Your son's dad is teaching him dreadful behaviour (towards you) including how to swear, but sadly you are teaching him it's ok too, because you're not leaving and teaching him you deserve respect too. I wish you really good luck, must be a terrible position to be in, the reality of packing that bag and taking your son, but please go, and soon and don't look back. The question isn't whether or not it's enough to leave, but how on earth is it better to stay. xx

When I worked for Womens Aid we supported a woman that was abused by her partner and he would encourage their 2 young boys to swear, then it was aimed at her and calling her names.
This behaviour escalated and he one day made them help him push her down the stairs and cheer when they did it.
When they came to us those boys were so damaged but had a lot of therapy and support.
Please don’t let him ruin your little boy and turn into another one like him.

My father (alcoholic, serial shagger, wifebeater) taught his toddler son to swear, in fact taught him to scream "fuck you mummy" in my mum's face. Luckily, he wandered off soon after I was born and never came back.

As a result, my two brothers are lovely men: both happily married for over 20 years, devoted dads, adore their wives, very hands on. Would they have turned out so well if they had been raised with their deadbeat dad? I hugely doubt it.

Ignore this. He won't be looking after his son alone for long if at all.

Why do you think he needs a dad that is a bad influence and intends to ruin your child?

Of course you need to leave. You know that already, why are you even asking. Staying with this man will teach your son the wrong ways to treat a woman, and that this is normal behaviour when its not! Is your son at school? Id be mortified if my DCs went into class and started swearing at the children and teachers. Id also be furious if one of my DCs came home swearing because theyve learnt it off your kid. He'll have no friends because everyone will want to avoid him. Leave now, move back to your family and pray that this waste of space doesn't want shared contact. You'll be lucky if he only bothers a few nights a month, id be worried about even leaving my DC alone with him for a day but that's not a reason to stay with him. Im never one to say keep kids away from their dads but in certain circumstances like this then they deserve it.

I feel like I’m watching my lovely, sweet, thoughtful little boy turning into him in front of me and it may be time to leave. But in the back of my mind wondering if this is a good enough reason to take them away from their dad.

The best reason of all, I'd say.

Trouble is...if you leave, that poor boy will be on his own with this man several times a week and you won't know what's going on then. Caught between a rock and a hard place, unfortunately.

I’m hoping the outcome of this is that you have made steps to leave him as honestly, I would be the parent who doesn’t want my son hanging around with yours. Get out, move far away and don’t look back.

Of course your son will go down this route if you stay. You are fighting a losing battle. What attracted you to this ‘aggressive, short-tempered’ man as a partner and father to your child in the first place?

Please leave him. Go and be near your family and bring up your son to be a man you will be proud of x

Try to find better male role models for him. Self defence is ok, but cage fighting?!

Whilst I know it’s scary, you can’t honestly tell me you can see spending your whole life with this loser?

If not now, when? When will it ever be a better time?

It sounds like your boyfriend is an immature idiot. I’d go as far away as possible. Kids need good influences in their lives, not scum dads.

Preschooler cage fighting/MMA is a thing unfortunately. You can find clips on YouTube and plenty of articles online. On a par with dog fighting but sadly not illegal - grown men crowding round yelling at crying children to hit each other. Any parent who suggests they put their four year old in a cage fighting match should lose custody, in my opinion. They aren’t fit parents.

Let me guess, does your partner also have an untrained XL bully called “Murderer” and facial tattoos? Because that is the vibe I’m getting. Leave him and move far away if you don’t want your son to end up exactly the same as him.

Look at your thoughtful, sweet, lovely little boy. Now imagine him age 16, a strapping young lad reaching nearly 6 foot. And getting in your face and saying "Shut up you fucking bitch". Because that's exactly how he will turn out if you stay with your awful partner. Either that or so traumatised by witnessing his Mum being abused he has severe MH problems. Sorry to come down on you like a tonne of bricks but people need to think about these things sometimes for the wake up call. You have the power to change the trajectory of both your lives.

Would you want your son to turn out like this man?
If not, get the hell away from him

I voted yabu because you should have left well before now . . .

What the hell? Get rid of this horrible man

Your partner sounds like a dick.
I know this all sounds a bit retrospective… but if the thought of your kid turning out like your partner is so abhorrent, why did you start a family with him??

Another one saying you're not being unreasonable OP, in fact if anything, you're being unreasonable if you stay! You AND your son deserve so much more, than some shitty little scrote who thinks it's funny to teach a child to swear or fight!

Please leave. You both deserve so much more.

That says it perfectly. This man is a disaster as a parent. OP, your DS will be the child that other parents don’t want their DC to mix with, if he carries on copying his dad.

God knows why you thought this man was a suitable person to bring children into the world with but yes leave quickly and don’t look back .

This man will be who you son copies. Leave with him asap.
Your rebuild a life and be happy again.