To ask about your opinions on a 15 year age gap between kids?

There is 10 years between my first and my fourth son. So he’s now 23, youngest is 13 and I have 2 in the middle (14&19) and I feel like I’ve been parenting forever and I’m quite tired lol. My 2 eldest sons have siblings on their dads side youngest being 7 months old, so 22 years between her and my son which is madness his dad didn’t really parent him though so hopefully he gets it right for his ‘redo’ family I guess.

But no my son is nearly 15 and the thought of going back to broken nights, etc doesn’t appeal whatsoever. But everyone is different and if it’s something you want that’s different it’s tough having kids at different ages and stages to amuse them in holidays but teens often do their own thing, you still want them to feel included whilst you’re busy with a baby/toddler. My eldest absolutely dotes on his siblings, always has he was an amazing big brother when they were born and would happily hold one or play with them.

Do think however that you're going back to committing yourself for the next two decades, so be very sure you're up to everything that entails - the drudgery as much as the fun moments.

Hey OP,

I don't see why a baby would be so disruptive. Presumably your eldest has their own room to study if they need peace and quiet (even if they don't you'd have baby with you presumably the first 6-12 months). Life doesn't go on hold just because you have exams this year.

I think the real question is :

• Do you want a baby enough to start over again ?
• Do you have the means to deal with the logistics (costs, space, planning, etc)

If the answer to both of these is yes, go for it.

If it's no, or not sure, then think about it a bit more.

The advantage of the large age gap is that your eldest will be very independant so it'll be much easier than if they were, say, eight, old enough to have completely different needs from the baby but young enough that they still need you a lot.

This said, if you go for it I'd try and be careful to check in with the eldest regularly to make sure their needs are met and they're not pushed aside for the baby.

That's approximately the age difference I have with my siblings. I'm not sure exactly what you want an opinion about. It is what it is. Pros and cons like any age gap.

My parents had my youngest brother when I was 15. It was brilliant. We all adored him and he lightened all my teenage angst. He is now 33 and I count him as a one of my best friends. I had siblings in between though

I don’t see a problem with the age gap but selfishly I’d say it depends on the age of the parents! I’m 44 and my eldest is 15 and at my age I can’t think of anything worse than starting again, but if I’d had my son when I was younger I might consider it.

11 years between my mum and her sister, they were close when younger, barely speak now.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow if it was while I was at work no it was part of their contribution to family life like doing dishes etc and they did get pocket money.

For social stuff yes we always did.

I hope you pay them for the babysitting and being an extra pair of hands.

13 years between my two. 26/13. They are very close and have a wonderful relationship. It was a bit iffy at first. DD struggled after 13 years of being an only child and DS was a very unsettled baby which was difficult. However, it all passed and here we are.

I personally wouldn’t plan it, but only because I wouldn’t want any more kids when I had older ones!

I have two daughters with 14 years in between. They are so close! I love the gap, my eldest adores her little sister.

On the flip side, I have a sister who is 18 months younger than me and we barely speak. I haven't seen her for years and we live in the same town.

It's not all down to age gaps, you can't predict how close your children will be regardless.

It works for us!

Twelve years here. They're 30&18 now and get on well. People tend to assume they're half siblings. They aren't but I've lost count of the amount of time that's been dropped into the conversation.

My daughter and step-daughter are 12 years apart. It's wonderful! They have a super close bond, one is 2 the other 14. Youngest dotes on elder sister, eldest does everything bar the nappies and loves it! She's gets to play and be a kid again ha! She did say the other day that being with us for half the week, with her mum the rest is nice though because she gets a break from the constant hassle of a toddler 😂😂

I am, and was available, but they need to do their own thing outside of the home. In my experience teens want more independence at that age and begin to pull away. Then they come back. Everyone is different though, your teens may not have wanted as much independence

This. I can't think of anything worse!

Being both a young and an older parent, when do you get time for yourself to pursue what you want to do?

Mine are 17, 16, 10 and 11 months. My teenagers absolutely dote on the baby and get on with him much better than they did with the 10 year old when he was little! There are obviously practical considerations such as house size, the commitment of many more years, additional financial strain etc. only you can answer whether these are doable.

My older two were 13 and 15 when ds was born. Firstly the female hormones when I was pregnant and the two teens was mental.
Secondly it is stressful having teens with their emotions and dramas whilst surviving on three hours sleep. It also meant I wasn't able to do as much for them like taxi them round and they couldn't have friends round as easily. But it did make them more independent which was a positive.
I did get a lot of guilt that I wasn’t able to give them as much time and also due to my mat leave and then going part time we didn't have as much money.
They get on great with their little brother though, it's a lovely relationship but I'd say the relationship is more like a very close auntie than siblings.
One definite positive is extra pairs of hands and the babysitting!!

16 years between me and my youngest sister and I have zero in common with her. We don't hate each other but we also are not close, we just can't relate to anything because our childhoods were in different eras and it's hard to make a conversation with her.

@mnat Totally. It is a different strokes for different folks situation and there is 'no one size fits all'. I friend of mine has just had her 2nd at nearly 49 (youngest is 5) and as I am the same age I could not think of anything worse. But I know she struggled for years to have children and both have been a joyous and welcome suprise and she is embracing it. I am embracing mine being out tonight and able to get themselves home after a hard day at work!

The exams is the main problem area really. The only other downside is if the teen is against it or embarrassed. There was a significant but less big gap between my sibling and myself. The pluses were that both of us got some long quality only child time and that we got on well really well. No downsides, I miss him.

From a purely selfish perspective, I wouldn't do a large age gap again if I had the choice now. I had my first very young and my next 10 years after that and it feels strange still having to navigate the primary schools years with one when the other is about to enter the world of work. It's a long time to be purely a mum, not have any time to myself. Also from a practical perspective, it is hard finding activities both enjoy and are allowed to do when the age gap is that big.

Got 2 sisters, 3 and 5 year gaps. Best friends, favourite people in the world.

Absolutely no relationship whatsoever with the ones that came 15+ years after us.

Whether siblings distract parental attention from each other and whether they get along or not long term both depend on thousands of factors, but age difference isn't one of them. Consider if anything about the new baby will detract from the older child with all the small factors in your life, or if the sibling is more likely to ultimately add love. Good luck either way.