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Original poster

Is this rude?

56 replies

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 17:19

I have therapy and a car broke down en route to the appointment.

I texted my therapist and said “hi there is a broken down vehicle. ETA is 17:30” she said “that’s nearly 30 mins late! Message me when you’re here” so u said “yes I’m aware, hence why I’m letting you know now so it doesn’t impact you or other clients. I left at 4 pm and ufortunately I can’t move through the traffic any faster then I currently am”

she then phoned me getting uppity saying it’s abrupt and her time is precious etc. I said well I can’t really text and drive so I think you’ve misinterpreted it.

thoughts?? Was I rude?

OP posts:
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Cat2488 · 10/02/2025 12:56

The therapist should have replied with , I am sorry but we will have to cancel today and rebook due to time , to just save the back and forth . Especially if there is a period.of time outlined in the contract she will wait say 15 mins. To respond with that's 30 mins late ... is a bit odd as you would be aware and as a therapist you kind of understand if someone is stressed and can't text while driving . She should have really made a decision in that moment to wait and let you know or to cancel and made it clear so you both knew what was going to happen. Just sounds like both of you were flustered and was last minute thing. I'd just let I go and in future you both will know what to say and do in that situation.

verycloakanddaggers · 22/01/2025 07:36

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 20:54

She rang me and said “I was wondering what’s wrong with this woman” that really got my back up

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Your therapist said that??

Your message was badly worded and abrupt but this is an odd response from a therapist. Might be worth reconsidering.

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 20:57

Zippidydoodah · 21/01/2025 19:44

Yes it is a bit. You should know that I wouldn’t say boo to a goose. I would have sent a very apologetic first message, when I knew I was going to be late. Then I would have read it and reread it and rewritten it. Must have had a lapse of judgement with my reply.

it’s just hit me like a ton of bricks, how much of my life I waste on here!

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I don’t understand this response…

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 20:54

verycloakanddaggers · 21/01/2025 18:57

I think it was a bit abrupt, it could have been interpreted as you expecting the appointment to start at 17:30.

But a therapist should be able to manage boundaries calmly.

She rang me and said “I was wondering what’s wrong with this woman” that really got my back up

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 21/01/2025 20:48

I'm just struck with the lack of the word sorry in your messages!

Catza · 21/01/2025 20:41

"I am aware, hence...." Nobody has ever started a sentence like that if the intention was to be polite and apologetic. You know what you were doing. You were stressed, pissed off with her and wanted to get the message across. I think she got it exactly right.

Isittimeformynapyet · 21/01/2025 20:15

"Hence why is a tautology"

@Waterboatlass Hallelujah! Somebody said it 🥳

BobbyBiscuits · 21/01/2025 20:12

I don't know why she was unhappy. Presuming you were aware the session would still have to end at the original time.
Tbh I wouldn't want a therapist that I couldn't even feel comfortable having a text convo about a traffic jam. It's not really either of you's fault, but it seems the professional relationship might not be the best?

Coconutter24 · 21/01/2025 20:09

Zippidydoodah · 21/01/2025 19:44

Yes it is a bit. You should know that I wouldn’t say boo to a goose. I would have sent a very apologetic first message, when I knew I was going to be late. Then I would have read it and reread it and rewritten it. Must have had a lapse of judgement with my reply.

it’s just hit me like a ton of bricks, how much of my life I waste on here!

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At least you said sorry in your version, OP didn’t manage that lol.

DUsername · 21/01/2025 19:50

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 18:44

Yeah as in I don’t want to impact any other clients so essentially texting and driving saying read between the lines of “if you need to cancel then let me know” she was like “my time is precious” etc. as if mine is abundant.

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I would never have got that from your second message - it would have been far easier and more polite to text exactly that 'if you need to cancel let me know'.

Zippidydoodah · 21/01/2025 19:44

Coconutter24 · 21/01/2025 19:15

That response is just as rude. Should stop at sorry the rest after that is incredibly rude

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Yes it is a bit. You should know that I wouldn’t say boo to a goose. I would have sent a very apologetic first message, when I knew I was going to be late. Then I would have read it and reread it and rewritten it. Must have had a lapse of judgement with my reply.

it’s just hit me like a ton of bricks, how much of my life I waste on here!

ItsFreedomBabyYeah · 21/01/2025 19:21

Rude, yes. Unintentionally. But that's the thing with sms_text. There is no 'tone'.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/01/2025 19:17

I'm WAY more concerned with her response. The exclamation mark! And 'my time is precious'

I'm shocked at her rude tone, it comes across as judgemental of your lateness

I would have written 'thanks for letting me know, see you when you get here'

^ I always write that. No one needs some rude judgy message when they're stressed trying to get somewhere

Coconutter24 · 21/01/2025 19:15

Zippidydoodah · 21/01/2025 17:41

Yes, very rude. You could have just said “yes, I know. I’m really sorry, but there’s not much I can do about it right now”.

That response is just as rude. Should stop at sorry the rest after that is incredibly rude

Waterboatlass · 21/01/2025 19:07

So the way I read your messages and the suppositions/ implicature I took:

It was polite to let her know but quite rudely worded.

I think you intended it to come across one way but it was very much another in the end. Maybe Comms issue? People can't read the intent but what's actually said.

The bit about impacting her clients had a presumptuous air, why would she have allowed that to happen?

ETA late with no apology wasn't polite. I know you were trying to text quickly but she didn't know that and it all gave the impression you expected the full hour and were telling her how to run her business.

Hence why is a tautology. Not your criticising for the sake of it. It kind of sounds irritable, saying the same thing twice.

I think it was best she rang as a verbal chat is the best way to clear up or prevent more text misunderstandings.

verycloakanddaggers · 21/01/2025 18:57

I think it was a bit abrupt, it could have been interpreted as you expecting the appointment to start at 17:30.

But a therapist should be able to manage boundaries calmly.

LIZS · 21/01/2025 18:53

So did you attend the session, even after arriving late?

Shrinkingrose · 21/01/2025 18:52

I mean you didn’t say if you need to cancel and that didn’t imply it either, yes you were rude to her, a little entitled, just put it behind you,

mediummumma · 21/01/2025 18:51

Ponderingwindow · 21/01/2025 17:33

No you were not rude.

you were in traffic and sent a brief message to let her know you would be late. That is courteous.

A longer message might not have been safe for you to send from the vehicle .

her response was rude

Agree with this.

If I’d received this text I would have replied ‘thanks for letting me know. I can’t offer extra time today so we can reschedule if you’re going to be any later than that’.

Greyish2025 · 21/01/2025 18:48

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 18:44

Yeah as in I don’t want to impact any other clients so essentially texting and driving saying read between the lines of “if you need to cancel then let me know” she was like “my time is precious” etc. as if mine is abundant.

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So you just wanted her to guess / read between the lines as to what you were saying instead of saying it?

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 18:44

Allthecheeseplease · 21/01/2025 18:17

Struck by this. Have you been late to many appointments or do you know this from contracting at the begining of your theraputic relationship?

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Never late.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 18:44

Arlanymor · 21/01/2025 18:16

The OP made the comment about the impact - not the therapist.

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Yeah as in I don’t want to impact any other clients so essentially texting and driving saying read between the lines of “if you need to cancel then let me know” she was like “my time is precious” etc. as if mine is abundant.

OP posts:
Allthecheeseplease · 21/01/2025 18:17

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 21/01/2025 17:23

There is a tolerance period she normally gives if she’s quiet.

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Struck by this. Have you been late to many appointments or do you know this from contracting at the begining of your theraputic relationship?

Arlanymor · 21/01/2025 18:16

iwillfghhjjj · 21/01/2025 17:44

Her response was rude. You obviously couldn't help it and making a comment about impact would only be said to make you feel bad. Why would she want to do that?

The OP made the comment about the impact - not the therapist.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 21/01/2025 18:08

"Yes I am aware" is one of the snarky replies people use

It's rude