Page 2 | Would you choose an academic boys school over an average mixed school?

bluelagoonsunrise · 2025-01-21T17:10:26+00:00

DS has a place at a very academic boys grammar school and is likely to get a place at the good mixed comprehensive school. AIBU to be put off by boys only? I just see it as preventing a normal teenage experience. We never thought he’d get in when we applied so are a bit shocked. Didn’t think we would have the choice…

Paradoes · 22/01/2025 21:00

I’m sending mine to all boys as it’s better than the mixed. I would 100 percent go for the grammar (you could get your son to join mixed ex clubs etc)

Original poster

bluelagoonsunrise · 22/01/2025 20:58

Thanks all, your comments have made me think

I think I’ve realised we won’t be able to recreate the co-ed experience for him so it’s better he go co-ed, I also don’t think an educationally elite environment will suit him. I think he could benefit from being a high flyer rather than in the middle or towards the bottom of a high achieving school.

OP posts:

Original poster

bluelagoonsunrise · 22/01/2025 20:56

True. It just feels so unnatural to me to have all boys, I’m not trying to offend anyone…it just seems sad, like they are learning and academically brilliant but are missing out on basic day to day interactions with girls which is a big part of life

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CallWa1ting · 22/01/2025 19:08

It’s Very easy to get Outstanding when you select your students and limit Sen and PP children. Much harder to get good as a comp who takes all children and doesn’t select.

CallWa1ting · 22/01/2025 19:07

bluelagoonsunrise · 22/01/2025 19:05

Grammar is ofsted outstanding, comp is ofsted good. No no ND, SEND or mental health issues, just highly strung

Highly strung would send alarm bells to me. All boy grammar schools need a tough type of child. In my experience they are toxic, testosterone heavy, homophobic environments that take no prisoners. Avoid.

Original poster

bluelagoonsunrise · 22/01/2025 19:05

Grammar is ofsted outstanding, comp is ofsted good. No no ND, SEND or mental health issues, just highly strung

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CallWa1ting · 22/01/2025 18:59

bluelagoonsunrise · 22/01/2025 18:48

Yes I feel this it’s important

We are very family orientated, I grew up spending evenings and weekends with family and saw friends occasionally. I expect our boys will be the same, I really don’t think there will be many opportunities to see girls, I feel it has to come from the school and that should be a part of his education, social education. If we were to try to emulate the co-ed experience we would need to find co-ed activities so DS would spend significant time outside school on these in addition to a high work commitment, I worry he wouldn’t enjoy this at all. He doesn’t work well under a lot of pressure and is prone to outbursts. So that’s the other side of it, it being a grammar is useful in that he’s probably guaranteed to get good grades, it’s 90% 9-7 at GCSE BUT I think he will be miserable

Edited

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90% 9-7 doesn’t mean anything when it’s a selective school. What is their Ofsted rating? Does your ds have any ND, stand out in any way, likely to struggle with MH, have any SENs?

raffegiraffe · 22/01/2025 18:58

I think there is some research that girls do better in single sex and boys in mixed sex education settings
Both mine go to a mixed comp, but it's in a posh area so self selecting really

NordicwithTeen · 22/01/2025 18:52

Presumably school isn't the only place he can mix with girls - he has friends from primary/other clubs/neighbours and family who are female? Just keep those up. Co-ed schools don't always ensure the sexes get on with each other.

Original poster

bluelagoonsunrise · 22/01/2025 18:48

jollyjapesandgobstoppers · 22/01/2025 18:10

I always thought that if I'd had girls I'd happily send then to an all-girls school but if I had boys I'd send them co-ed. I have two boys at a mixed comp. Neither of them socialise with girls at the moment but I do appreciate that they spend their days with boys and girls.

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Yes I feel this it’s important

We are very family orientated, I grew up spending evenings and weekends with family and saw friends occasionally. I expect our boys will be the same, I really don’t think there will be many opportunities to see girls, I feel it has to come from the school and that should be a part of his education, social education. If we were to try to emulate the co-ed experience we would need to find co-ed activities so DS would spend significant time outside school on these in addition to a high work commitment, I worry he wouldn’t enjoy this at all. He doesn’t work well under a lot of pressure and is prone to outbursts. So that’s the other side of it, it being a grammar is useful in that he’s probably guaranteed to get good grades, it’s 90% 9-7 at GCSE BUT I think he will be miserable

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CallWa1ting · 22/01/2025 18:42

What is the grammar school rated?

Original poster

bluelagoonsunrise · 22/01/2025 18:41

It’s average compared to a grammar but it’s good for a comprehensive

OP posts:

jollyjapesandgobstoppers · 22/01/2025 18:10

Bloom15 · 22/01/2025 17:31

I don't think single sex education is beneficial to boys - I think it suits girls more. So I would choose mixed.

I always thought that if I'd had girls I'd happily send then to an all-girls school but if I had boys I'd send them co-ed. I have two boys at a mixed comp. Neither of them socialise with girls at the moment but I do appreciate that they spend their days with boys and girls.

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/01/2025 17:50

OP, your post describes it as a "good comprehensive", your heading as "average". Which is it?

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/01/2025 17:49

Send him to the grammar so he gets a good education. He'll still get a good education at a good comprehensive.

Rocknrollstar · 22/01/2025 17:45

We sent DS to an all boys private school because he needed the competition to make him work hard (and it did). He still found girls at the local Am Dram Society along with his sister’s friends and the sisters of his friends. Send him to the grammar so he gets a good education. There’s plenty of time for girls.

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/01/2025 17:45

bluelagoonsunrise · 22/01/2025 14:36

He’s not keen on sports, the coed school has a reputation for being sporty but the grammar does too particularly with football and he has no but buinterest in it. He’s much more into science

The grammar may (note may) have better lab facilities.

Make sure you go to open days at both.

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/01/2025 17:43

Research has shown that, other things being equal, boys do better academically in mixed schools (and girls do better in single sex)

But of course things aren't equal here. So it depends on how you feel the various factors balance out and, most importantly, which will be the best fit for your DS.

Bloom15 · 22/01/2025 17:31

I don't think single sex education is beneficial to boys - I think it suits girls more. So I would choose mixed.

ForRealCat · 22/01/2025 15:51

If he's not that bothered about being a high achiever academically I'd definitely send him to the grammar school. Much better to be middle of the pack in a high performing school, than one with all abilities- which he's likely to do if he's content with getting by.

If he's not bothered at the moment with mixing with girls at cubs and at school, then he's not going to mix with them at his new school anyway

Porcuporpoise · 22/01/2025 15:49

Tricky. Mine were academic but all but 1 always had mixed male/female friendship groups and benefited greatly from that. They all went to a good mixed comprehensive and did fine exam wise.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 22/01/2025 15:47

My DSs both went to boys grammars, both have/had girlfriends during their school years and went to parties and socialised as normal with both boys and girls. They and don't believe they have missed anything about 'normal' teenage experiences but they did focus on school work while at school without being distracted and got very good results.

CallWa1ting · 22/01/2025 15:43

Good mixed comp 100%, all boys grammar does not make it a better school by default. All my children went to single sex grammars- big big mistake for a whole host of reasons.

Don’t even consider single sex if your ds has an ounce of ND, SEN, LGBT or individuality. Single schools can be very toxic environments.

bombastix · 22/01/2025 15:38

Academic school.

Average schools are ten a penny. Why give him a lesser option?

tightarses · 22/01/2025 15:05

My three all went to single sex grammar school. I can assure you the children do mix out of schoolprobably too much ! ----