Am I being unreasonable to think parents who use “gentle parenting” are just making rods for their own backs?

That is absolutely not gentle parenting. That is permissive parenting.

I agree. This nicey nicey stuff is madnes.Be kind when kid is tearing round attacking other kids. Wtf.

I’ve got a neighbour whose child throws tantrums every single day. Instead of saying, “Enough, let’s move on,” she sits there trying to “validate their emotions” while the kid screams their head off. I’m sorry, but life doesn’t work like that

It absolutely does work like that if you have a child with additional needs.

That's still not gentle parenting...

What are these long psychobabble monologues that gentle parenting supposedly involves?

I totally agree. They get to school dysfunctional and have no regard for rules. I really love the idea but in practice it rarely works. We just end up with confused children

So people are misdescribing a parenting method and you’re angry with the effective parenting method they’re not using 🙇‍♀️

Overly strict performative parenting in public is also a pita

Well, they're wrong.

But it isn’t gentle parenting, so its frankly bizarre to use it as your basis as whether or not you like gentle parenting. Apologies for calling your niece she.

i dont think i necessarily gentle parent - i do try to reason with my child (4yo) when theyre having a meltdown and try to explain my PoV. i do pick my battles when we are out and that means giving in at times.
i also dont think i'm a harsh parent - although at times i bribe my DC - 'bath time now or no dessert later', and sometimes threats 'if you dont tidy up your wheely toys and i trip on them they will go in the bin'. i do what i need to do on a day by day basis. we have a decent relationship and she thrives at nursery and is described as a happy and outgoing child. we make mistakes, we learn everyday.

i do understand that some people get annoyed at they way others parent. perhaps because they dont know the child and think their way would be better. i was once out with another couple who allowed their child to throw things around in a restaurant while there were people eating nearby. i thought they should be telling their DC off, but later thought he's not my kid and is otherwise a happy and well behaved child. maybe the parents thought its best to avoid a huge tantrum and that he would get bored throwing things around - which he did. i think we shouldnt judge so fast. OP its not a dig at you or anyone else. its for everyone inc myself

Then they are mistaken.

Negotiating and not setting boundaries is not gentle parenting, I’m not sure why you’re unable to understand that.

Structure and clear expectations? So two of the main focuses of gentle parenting. Temperament, they have both suffered significant trauma, one has ADHD, the other likely FASD.

I have two friends who are preschool teachers. They have seen about ten cohorts pass through their classrooms since gentle parenting became a thing. They are both of the opinion that this is the other side of the child abuse coin.

They are exhausted from trying to ensure the children they teach emerge from their classrooms with a basic understanding that they are not the centre of the universe, and from trying to get through to them that little Tommy's bloody nose and his feelings about it matter far more than the feelings they had while they walloped him with the toy truck.

These children are brought up to believe that their feelings are all that matters, usually by parents who hold a smug belief that they are doing parenting far better than their own parents did. They're not.

Their parents call it gentle parenting.

I don't mind the parts of gentle parenting that talk about realistic and age appropriate expectations. At least I took something useful from that.

The parts I couldn't stomach were the long psychobabble monologues that you are supposed to give when they are not putting their shoes on. If anything I noticed that I was more likely to lose my shit with them after doing once of the scripts they give you, probably because they made me feel like a right twat.

That's permissive parenting.

A gentle parent has firm boundaries,but enforces then without shouting, hitting and getting angry.

Their feet went into some of the food, yes, but it's a very big table

So what is the type of parenting called where parents are constantly validating their child's feelings? As in saying to a tantrumming toddler 'I can see you are having big feelings, shall we talk about it when you're feeling better?' Which sounds great, but toddlers don't care about you validating their feelings. They want that chocolate and they want it now and talking about it when the chocolate is no longer there isn't really going to be appropriate...

I've got five kids. Two would have worked well under gentle parenting, one needed VERY firm boundaries, and two would have destroyed the house if I hadn't watched their every move all the time. So my parenting was a general mix and match across the board type - how can you parent gently if you've got more than one child and gentle parenting doesn't suit both?

Their parents call it gentle parenting.

Surely there was food and crockery flying everywhere?

That's what they call it. There are two parents so it isn't just "she".

They can pay their way or fuck off. Pay their way is a lot less than rent nowadays.

The parents acted like it wasn't happening. Grandparents told them to stop it and were told we don't say no.