To ask what your neurotypical view is… What is normal?!

I do have that though. Mine is caused by anxiety.

This.

It’s also quite possible to be ND and extroverted, which seems to blow some people’s minds…

Of course we do.

The thing is, there's not one "neurotypical" way of being. Think about it like height: there's an average height for a population, but the majority of people aren't that exact height. Being diagnosed with ADHD or autism is a bit like being extremely tall or short, you have traits that are present in the whole population, but are concentrated in you.

Someone without an ADHD or autism diagnosis can be neurotic, gregarious, close-minded, adventurous, or shy, etc., and that's going to impact how they experience the world quite differently to other so-called "neurotypical" people.

What the OP means is there's a constant voice in her head with different thoughts like an ongoing narration or conversation 24/7. Which NT people don't have.

Do you not think it's possible that the reason there is so much art and literature on how hard life is, is because ND diagnosis did not exist/were not as prevalent historically? Is it not better that we now live in a society who understands this better, and can diagnose and help, rather than people living in suffering?

I'm NT.
I hate phone calls because I've taught myself to respond to body language/facial expressions. So phone calls always feel as if I'm missing something...possibly drawing the wrong conclusions. Which stresses me as I hate being wrong/making mistakes.

I tend to be slightly late so I don't have to be the first in the pub/restaurant and going alone is really tricky for me.

Have a horrendous temper and a real fear of losing control.

I've learnt how to interact and have been on many interviewing technique courses over the years so now I just refine those principles slightly depending on who I'm talking with.

Exactly. My DH is not social at all, but he is not ND. He is just a genuine introvert.

I don't think any of the traits you describe as having yourself would make you ND. I think they are pretty common in most people. And I wouldn't say that teaching your DD how to behave was teaching her how to mask either.

It does seem that way. Who can switch their brain off at will? Life is damn hard a lot of the time - it is called the human condition. Indeed, there is much literature and art on just how difficult being human is.

I've got no idea if I'm NT or not. I do display some of the behaviours you mention, but not everything. Even amongst NT people you will find those who are not fond of social interactions, or hate making phone calls, or overthink replies. The one about moving people out of the way is so strange though - the only person I know who does that is my severely autistic, non-verbal nephew (scary as well when a 6'2 man moves you out of the way)

I'm ND and so is my daughter, we are both very social. That's not what defines Neuro divergence.

Speaking as an adult with ADHD who was diagnosed as an adult, it made the world of difference to me. It’s easy for you to sneer ‘you’ll realise you’re special?’, but actually it was a hugely profound realisation that I don’t struggle with aspects of my life because I am lazy, thoughtless, selfish or stupid. I struggle with aspects of my life because my brain is fundamentally different to the brains of the people the world is designed to accommodate.

You can’t begin to imagine the impact it has had on my mental well-being, self-esteem and emotional welfare to have a solid explanation to challenge the poisonous voice I’ve had inside my head for my whole life telling me I’m useless, thick and selfish for not finding things easy.

I've no idea whether Im ND or not but DD is diagnosed, alongside lots of other family members who display many traits.

No one knows how to do things without being taught though. Ofcourse once taught an NT person may be more comfortable than a ND person.

Socialising and communicating properly are skills that are taught and model as we grow up. The people who do it naturally have seen it through the people around them.

There was a show where they switched private school and state school pupils. The private school had every lunch sat down at a table with students taking, they regularly held lunch and dinner events with alumni or careers people sat at a table with a group of students and having proper conversations. The state school students were completely out of their depth, didn't know what to do or say, what topics were appropriate etc but they soon got the hang of it over a few weeks. Those skills they could be taught, my autistic daughter can and does learn skills like that, in that situation every one scripts and 'fakes it till you make it'.

So some of your examples I think are just a lack of exposure as a child to learn the skills which makes you uncomfortable not all but quite a few of them.

Wow! Something is clearly going on for you here because that feels uncalled for.

I think this thread is an example of how being human is now pathologised and.must be a symptom of something.

Well, in most respects there you have described me. And I have an autism diagnosis, so....🤷‍♀️

I’m nt and I am not energised or stimulated by social interaction. I find it draining. I struggle to say the right things or even find anything to say. In a group larger than 2 people I am mostly silent.

Where did anyone say a diagnosis makes life easy?

OP I don't know if you are ND, but you should speak to your GP and seek a diagnosis. I got mine late in life (almost 40) and understanding why my brain is the way it is and why I've struggled with things throughout my entire life is like someone has switched a light on. It hasn't made those things any easier in themselves, but I now understand better and can work with my brain rather than against it.

I am NT and as a teacher I have worked with a lot of ND students (and some ND colleagues).

The vast majority of the things you say you struggle with are not remotely an issue for me. Social cues and conversations are natural and easy. I don't have to think about social niceties and manners - it comes naturally to know how something I to or say would make someone else feel. I'm the opposite of rigid - I like to plan things in advance but easily adapt to changes of plan (very necessary as a teacher).

The struggles you mention are fairly typical of most of the students I've taught who have ASD, even if you have deliberately not included some of the other most obvious ones.

I'm not sure if I'm ND so possibly not helpful.

I love going into a new room/ bar/ place alone. It feels like a bit of an adrenaline rush - exciting and an adventure.

I hate hate hate HATE phonecalls. Like you, I feel like I need to get my head round it. This means I REALLY hate receiving calls too as they are usually out of the blue. I even hate them from my parents. I feel like I struggle so much to know what to say so it's hard work. I think I get a lot of cues from seeing the person or body language enhancing communication. I much much prefer text. I feel like I can check it over and I do, change bits, make it clearer etc. I never ever leave voice notes and don't even like listening to them. I can read more easily than listen.

I can present quite well to a room, but that's learned behaviour. I can still do it quite well, though it's very superficial. I don't think I could share anything vulnerable about myself. I can certainly never show any emotion to a large group, not even a small group.

I conflict avoid massively with work and not close friends. I want everyone to like me, and think I'm great, all the time. I am gutted if I think someone doesn't like me, or thinks I'm bad at my job. At home, or very close friends, it's the opposite. (In fact, I don't have close friends anymore due to saying things they don't like). Conflict is frequent, my family would see me as very argumentative and angry. I can get angry very easily (I think this is depression rather than anything else). I don't know how to resolve conflict.

I am energised by being in a loud room or busy place like a city. I can do small talk and social butterfly stuff easily. I am terrible at 'deeper', 1:1 conversations. I never cry in public.

I am completely NT.

So your question is "how do I view the world?" It's hard to answer such a enormous question in less than 2000 words 🤣 But if you are asking about the specific things you highlighted...
Walking into a room
Phone calls
Understanding texts/communication
My mood/temper
Then no, I have no issues with any of those things.

But I really DO hate mingling situations where you know the people a bit but not well enough. That awkward middle ground between the getting-to-know-you chat and the easy-old-friends chat.
And I would like to be blunt like you (and secretly am inside) but I have no trouble maintaining a socially acceptable veneer of politeness to make people think I am just lovely 😁

Understanding social communication is different to seeking it out and enjoying it all the time though.

You can be NT and an introvert or ambivert.

As the saying goes, "Hell is other people"

What you're describing is extraversion rather than being neurotypical. There are plenty of neurotypical introverts who find social interaction draining rather than energising.

Dx for ADHD usually means people can get medication that helps them just think about one thing at a time rather than 393948509348593 things, and helps them behave more rationally, thoughtfully rather than reactively/impulsively.

Are you being deliberately obtuse with your 'you're not supposed to switch your brain off' comment? Or just utterly clueless as to what it feels like negotiating the planet with an ADHD wired brain?

An official dx can also be a gateway to various types of support.

The special badge we get is just the icing on the cake.