To ask what your neurotypical view is… What is normal?!

My ADHD diagnosis suddenly made things make sense. I spent most of my life believing that I either suffered from depression or bi polar syndrome. I engaged in bizarre, risky behaviour, couldn't understand simple things that everyone else just seemed to 'get' (rules of games etc) and quite often felt left out. I just thought it was me being weird. Then my daughter sought diagnosis as an adult, and I said to another daughter, 'do you know, sometimes I think I might be ADHD' - her reply 'd'you THINK?' All my kids had worked it out but nobody had bothered to mention it to me!

It's a misconception that NT people are all socially adept. Plenty of NT people are loud, obnoxious, rude, blunt and constantly interrupt people. Some are also very shy, quiet and anxious.

Everyone has different brains and personality traits. It's all a spectrum so this isn't really helpful, a lot of people have traits of autism it doesn't mean they are autistic. I hate making phonecalls I get anxiety about things and also over think. I don't think this is uncommon we don't need a diagnosis for every person. We are all different op we aren't robots there is no perfect brain.

I think we are at risk of pathologising individual differences / normal behaviour which is concerning. I feel like people are very quick to analyse and label themselves and others.

@2024namechanger So, if you are NT, how do you view the world?
I've got lots of autistic friends. This has led me to often reflect on ways that I'm different to many of them. I don't have a fully fixed routine, day to day I'll do different things as a whim takes me. I'm happy with changing plans. I like to try new foods, new recipes, I rarely order the same thing twice in a restaurant. I'm open to reading about opposing views— I don't feel morally contaminated. I like to get outside, go to new places, I don't like to spend all my time online. I don't like to rewatch the same TV shows. Rules and procedures bore me. I'd rather find a solution to things that is quick and good enough.

I'm not saying all autistic people are the opposite, only that my experience in these ways is different to the autistic people I know. Also, as I said upthread, many "NT" people would absolutely not experience life the way I've described, as there's a huge spread of personalities and perspectives in the world beyond just NT vs ND.

No, it’s a twat thing.

It probably depends a lot on the person. My dd is ASD and I would say I am too. I still have to consciously do things like remember to ask people how they are rather than just launch into what I want. Im not sure if everyone does that or not

'Moving people out of the way' - is this a ND thing? My long term partner does it to me and it drives me mad, he's definitely on the ND spectrum but undiagnosed (and uninterested). I usually let the ND traits slide and just mark them off as features in my head, as it makes me more tolerant of them.

Thank goodness for that.
Me too!

What is normal? I'm just me

In the world of NT people lazy is lazy, 'I have not done the job properly' is 'I have not done the job properly', 'I behave like a swine' is 'I behave like a swine', i.e. there is nowhere to hide - one can't do a shitty job and hide behind a diagnosis. It is tough in the NT world, trust me. However, recently, we have had a positive development in our NT world - we can blame things on 'depression'. He had an affair, because he was depressed as his wife did not understand him. Another one - may I please have an extra 45 minutes in my exam as I am depressed not because I did sweet fa during term-time, but because I feel depressed.

Why does everyone need a label these days?
It’s human nature to have assorted reactions to everyday circumstances, it’s just another gravy train that everyone wants to get on, everyone now seems to need a diagnosis.
People would do far better just getting on with life, accepting everyone is different and stop looking for problems.
Human nature itself is meant to be divergent or we would all act like robots.

Thanks for this, it does make more sense if I think about it that way. I do listen to some autistic people's channels on YT and I can emphathise with a lot of what they feel.

Or extroverted but with atrocious social skills and always reading situations wrong!

I am pretty certain I am NT but I don't think any of the above is true.

Some NT people are naturally sociable and might seek out and enjoy social situations. Some might prefer smaller groups where they know everyone well. Some might be more introverted and prefer to avoid them. All within the bounds of "normal".

Similarly, saying they "don't think twice about what they’re going to say or how they’re going to say it" is a massive generalisation.

People and their response to social situations vary enormously.

Also I think even NT people have to develop these skills, rather than being born with them. When I was younger I found some social interactions harder and would wonder how on earth my mother could strike up conversations with complete strangers with apparently no effort. But it does come with age and experience and increased confidence.

In short, OP, I think it is impossible to answer your question as there is probably no typical NT way of feeling. We are just all different.

I have at least one autistic child and I agree with you. My daughter's picking over social mistakes she's made and I'm like... you were 8! Or 14. We all make mistakes, some feel more embarrassed by them in retrospect than others. You don't have to have had perfect social skills from birth and positively revel in making phone calls to strangers to be NT. It's getting to be that no one is allowed to be anxious and/or introverted without being labelled autistic these days. It's particularly rife in teens too - they are all pop diagnosing each other.

OP my DCs' SENCO told me she was taught in.recent SENCo training that a third of girls are now thought to be ND. That almost rewrites the rule book. If it's really that common then it is very much part of "typical experience". By all means seek an assessment of you wish, but also crack on with being just as you are and teaching your daughter the same because it IS part of the normal spectrum of ways to be. You are not an outlier, diagnosis or not.

I'm NT (afaik) and can be charming one on one but am quiet and struggle a bit in a group setting - I tend to be either too quiet or over share. I'm not great at small talk. I find it tiring being around a group of people and need time to recharge. I think some of the comments on this thread about NT people are referring to extrovert NT, I'm a fairly classic introvert although love connecting with people in small groups or one on one. I also dislike making phone calls and presenting (but can do these if needed). I'm generally good at understanding other people, interpreting facial expressions, social norms, reading the room etc though.

I am NT.

I am fairly confident in a work context and can present and make jokes etc. I tend to rehearse, plan and organise meticulously.

But put me in a room in a more social context, maybe a cousins engagement party, and I’m a mess. I can’t hold a conversation. I’m extremely awkward. I say things that are so weird, but I can’t help it and I want to kick myself. I stumble over words. On one occasion got so internally panicked that I just dribbled mid conversation when trying to think of what to say. It’s so bad, that I tend to avoid any social interaction that isn’t 100% necessary. I’d just rather be on my own or with my immediate family. I could never comfortably go on a weekend away with friends or even a night out with friends, in fact I have no real friends, because everyone ends up thinking I’m weird and awkward…or I accidentally offend.

So, it’s just goes to show doesn’t it, that we’re all different and all struggling in our own ways.

I know there's no 'a little bit autistic'
@AlteredStater You're right that autistic people often don't like that framing because they find it's used to invalidate them (like, if lots of people are "a little bit autistic" and can manage to do X, why can't you do X), but it is literally true that people can have autistic traits without being autistic. For example, someone can be monomaniacally focused on some special interest, or have extreme sensory sensitivities, or massively hate change and love routine, without being autistic. Such a person is going to have a lot in common with someone diagnosed with autism. That's because traits of anything are seen across the whole population.

Similarly with ADHD. Not everyone who is always losing their keys, or loses track of the time, or can't sit still etc. is going to meet the whole criteria for diagnosis.

@JLou08

All ND people are different and all autistic people are different. Absolutely not a homogeneous group.
I very much enjoy socialising, have lots of friends, from all walks of life, both NT and ND.
I don't get my energy from other people though, I need to be alone and recharge and I know my own limitations with socialising.

Honestly I don't know if I am NT or not, I know I'm not ADHD. I do quizzes to see if I might be ND and get scores that are just below the cut off point. I know there's no 'a little bit autistic'.

I don't struggle in social conditions in terms of picking up on what people mean, or their body language, but I can struggle trying to fit into conversations. I absolutely hate making phone calls but have learned over the years to write down a 'script' first and that has helped me a lot. I hate public speaking and won't do it, dropped out of a Ph.D because of it. Have learned to be less rigid in my attitude over the years.

I don't move people out of the way but can be very shy piping up to say 'excuse me', or indeed 'pass the salt please', might even avoid going in a certain direction so I don't have to do the former! Which is nuts. I'm not a confident person in most areas, wish I could be. I'm very sensitive to sounds and hated scratchy clothing as a child, or labels, and I need a LOT of alone time otherwise I feel overwhelmed and eventually will have burn out and maybe even a melt down, but I've avoided that situation for quite some years now, thankfully.

Now I don't know whether this is just anxiety/shyness/lack of much social interaction as a child, or what it is, and at this point in my life I don't suppose it really matters whether I have a label or not! Just trying to get along as best I can.

Hmm not sure about that as mine is fairly vocal , I narrate constantly. I used to when a child have conversations in my head and count the letters of the words I was saying to myself on my hands. I sometimes start to do it now but I catch myself and it stops or my interest in doing it fizzles out. Although that could be down to trauma and anxiety as well, that’s the challenge I think there’s quite an overlap.

Neurotypicals are not 'normal', they are just the majority neurotype.

Referring to NTs as normal, is a bit like refering to heterosexuals as being normal, in relation to gay people. It's offensive.

Mine is caused by being a human person.

Deficit in social communication is the biggest part of the criteria for an Autism diagnosis. ADHD is different so it doesn't cover all 'ND', they do seem to get grouped together a lot now despite being different.

Autistic people could enjoy it but they won't do it in the same way an NT person would and for many autistic people socialising with non autistic people isn't very enjoyable as there is usually a big difference in the way each one interacts or the autistic person is masking which is exhausting.