Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have objected to ‘prayers’ at work

587 replies

Iamthewintersale · 21/01/2025 13:56

Will try to keep this brief… Work in a team of 12, 6 in U.K. and 6 in USA ( mid-west) and once a week we have a team meeting that we take turns in running.

Tomorrow is the turn of A. A is a Republican, church goer, voted Trump because she wanted, quote ‘More money in my pocket book and illegals dealt with’.
So far so MAGA. This came up pre-election as she’s the only Trump fan on the team and was open about it.

On the agenda for the meeting is ‘Prayer’ as point one. I pinged manager a note saying what?? A thinks it would be nice to start off with a prayer. As a team. I have asked for it to be OFF the agenda. US manager thinks it’s ‘harmless’ but has said will clarify.

AIBU to think it’s totally inappropriate??? I’m an atheist for a start, most of my U.K. team are the same or at least agnostic.

Seems weird that she’s never tried this before, but suddenly Trump ‘god saved me to MAGA’ is inaugurated and a team prayer is in the agenda.
We are a large global company, BTW, not some local mom & pop outfit that sells bibles…

YANBU - work is secular. She keeps her views and prayers to herself own time.

YABU - lighten up, what harm can it do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamthewintersale · 21/01/2025 18:22

AllstarFacilier · 21/01/2025 18:19

I work in a Catholic school, so obviously it’s different, but our meetings start with a prayer and I find that weird. I’m fine to do it in assembly or when being a role model for the kids, but I sit quietly and don’t join in during the staff meeting ones as it feels daft.

I went to a school where we prayed several times a day and it became meanless. The older I got the more I hated the performative nature of it.

OP posts:
FourChimneys · 21/01/2025 18:21

I would rather resign from a six figure salary than be compelled to say a prayer to any deity.

I would make it very clear, if it is going ahead, as how long it will take and log on afterwards. Religious people have no right to inflict their beliefs on others.

I would be questioning the management if they allow it to go ahead. What if everyone wanted to waste time by doing something? Last week you could have all been asked to bring along pots and pans to bash together for a wassailing moment. Admittedly far more fun than a prayer but equally divisive and might upset any non-pagans.

dutysuite · 21/01/2025 18:21

I don’t know what Trump has to do with it, but I won’t participate in anyone else’s religion just to appease them, and I’m not afraid
to express that.

CulturalNomad · 21/01/2025 18:21

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story" - Mark Twain

Carry on, Mumsnet. 😂

MrsPeregrine · 21/01/2025 18:20

Just say you don’t believe in god so won’t be joining in with the prayer. How hard can it be? Your post seems more aimed at having a dig at people who voted Republican than the meeting to be honest so I voted YABU. And I can almost guarantee (due to the scale of the win) that there are others on the team who voted for Trump but will remain silent about it due to the vitriol and hysteria they would face from their left-leaning friends and colleagues.

Punk4ssBookJockey · 21/01/2025 18:20

No, just sitting silently while they pray is not an acceptable alternative, neither is having to absent yourself from the start of the meeting to make a point - you miss out on the greetings and chit chat which some people find important for relationship building while they wait for you to rejoin. By praying as a group in a meeting with people who don't share their beliefs, your colleague is basically saying My beliefs that this meeting is blessed by a higher power we should express love and thanks for is a valuable use of time and deserves to take up your time. I don't want my time pointlessly taken up by worship for a deity I don't believe in and my lack of belief should not be used to 'other' me by me clearly choosing not to participate. If colleague wants to take time to pray in private beforehand she is free to do so.She does not get to push her beliefs that her way of life is superior into a secular work environment.

AllstarFacilier · 21/01/2025 18:19

I work in a Catholic school, so obviously it’s different, but our meetings start with a prayer and I find that weird. I’m fine to do it in assembly or when being a role model for the kids, but I sit quietly and don’t join in during the staff meeting ones as it feels daft.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 21/01/2025 18:17

Massively inappropriate. Isn’t this an issue for HR?

Sparklebelle1024 · 21/01/2025 18:17

Crazy behaviour! I work in a field with a diverse group and we have staff members who take time out to pray during the working day and we respect that but they also respect the fact that it’s not our religion and don’t expect everyone to down tools and pray either!! It’s such a personal thing and shouldn’t be forced on anyone

toastedcrumpetsrock · 21/01/2025 18:16

This would be a hill I was willing to die on

MurdoMunro · 21/01/2025 18:16

NAMECHANGE87554 · 21/01/2025 18:11

This is the same for me. I also have a friend whose family disowned her when she left the Jehovah's Witnesses so for some, forced involvement in religious practices is very much not 'harmless'.

I would refuse to join the meeting unless it prayers were removed from the agenda.

Show quote history

My sympathies to you. People who remember singing the primary school bangers and say ‘but it’s only a wee prayer’ have no bloody idea do they. Faith can take all sorts of forms and I’m down with that. But the organised gangs, with their big books of rules, restrictions, performances and punishments can get tae fuck. I will fight them.

JHound · 21/01/2025 18:13

I have had this in the UK. Not on the agenda, just a team meeting when the team leader ended with a prayer. It was when I temped at Social Services - Older Adults. I just remained silent while those who wanted to bowed their heads.

MellersSmellers · 21/01/2025 18:11

OliveThe0therReindeer · 21/01/2025 14:16

I think you need to separate out three things

  • your dislike of her politics
  • you dislike of her religion
  • Having religious observance during a work meeting

As you work in the Uk you will be aware that people here have freedoms of both religion and political belief. This applies to everyone, even if you don’t agree with them. It’s a fundamental part of human rights here in the Uk and criticising someone for expressing their views is probably a breach of your company policy.

That’s different from the third point, which depends on your company custom and practice, if it’s not mentioned in policy.

If you don’t wish to particulate you can ask your line manager for a respectful way to opt out.

I understand it can be challenging to work with people of different cultures, ethnicities and religions from your own , but it’s important to respect differences and appreciate that a workplace benefits from diversity and acceptance.

Your HR dept might be able to provide some training for you and your team on diversity and inclusion.

Well, that's pompous!
The OP is very reasonably objecting to being forced to participate in someone's private act of worship, not the fact her colleague has certain religious views!

JHound · 21/01/2025 18:11

Just sit out the prayer. Let those who want to want to, and you sit it out.

NAMECHANGE87554 · 21/01/2025 18:11

MurdoMunro · 21/01/2025 14:40

As a direct result of my experience of Christian community I was brought up in I am hugely and adamantly against the interference in my life by any form of organised religion. My friends and colleagues faiths are many and none, they are good people, I love some of them, and I don’t hold them personally to account for the actions of their religious organisations. I have enjoyed weddings and festivals in churches, synagogues and sacred groves, delighted to have been invited and welcomed.

But I would not stand for them bringing any of that into my workplace or home, not even the ‘ah its harmless, just a bit praying, just stand to the side having your own thoughts for 10 minutes’. For me no, not acceptable, never will be.

This is the same for me. I also have a friend whose family disowned her when she left the Jehovah's Witnesses so for some, forced involvement in religious practices is very much not 'harmless'.

I would refuse to join the meeting unless it prayers were removed from the agenda.

12purplepencils · 21/01/2025 18:10

I would join the meeting as usual, then as she’s about to launch into prayer say that you’re leaving the meeting for this part (politely - no drama) (maybe prep other UK colleagues to do the same) then rejoin after.

i don’t think anyone should have religious activity forced on them,

as an ex-vangelical I’d find it really triggering!

MissionBiscuits · 21/01/2025 18:08

AllCatAndABagOfChips · 21/01/2025 18:06

Social media is not the same as your place of work.

🙄

Reform has got more members than the Tories but if I posted that we're doing a brain storming session at work to get kick out the "illegals" you'd know I was lying. Because it's clearly fucking nonsense if you engage your brain.

Show quote history

I never said it was. If you read the first part of my comment you'll see that I have actually encountered people in real life who would do this. 🙄

Whenwillglorioussummercome · 21/01/2025 18:06

CulturalNomad · 21/01/2025 18:00

OP is just your standard anti American nonsense that MN eats up regardless of how absolutely idiotic it is. "So far so Maga" "'Merica" etc. it's blatantly ridiculous and makes no sense but won't stop ten pages of people believing it.

I agree. For the umpteenth time...

Under US law this hypothetical person has no legal right to pray out loud before a meeting. And the law is very clear that no employee can be forced to participate in any religious observance during the course of their work day.

And yet the US based manager supposedly thinks it's "harmless"🤔

Nah.

A manager not knowing employment law is entirely believable.

AllCatAndABagOfChips · 21/01/2025 18:06

MissionBiscuits · 21/01/2025 18:03

I don't, I used to be in the evangelical church and know of plenty of people who would absolutely do this. You clearly haven't had the 'pleasure' of encountering any of these nut jobs on social media, many don't even concern themselves with following Jesus anymore, Trump is their new messiah. I wish I was joking.

Don't be surprised if she starts claiming religious persecution if it is removed from the agenda OP.

Show quote history

Social media is not the same as your place of work.

🙄

Reform has got more members than the Tories but if I posted that we're doing a brain storming session at work to get kick out the "illegals" you'd know I was lying. Because it's clearly fucking nonsense if you engage your brain.

Original poster
Iamthewintersale · 21/01/2025 18:05

TightlyLacedCorset · 21/01/2025 17:49

I frankly doubt the validity of this one.

It might have been believable if the OP hadn't also made particular pains to paint the supposed Christian as a stereotypical immigrant hating, Trump loving, Maga waving alt-right Republican.

People fall for these sorts of threads because they want them to be true so it can put a tick box against all their hidden biases.

Slow down there, she’s absolutely fine as a colleague. She, like many in the USA
And here ( Reform anyone?) is worried about illegal immigration and the economy. MOST Trump voters have said they think they’ll have more money under him.
She’s not alt-right. She is both a massive church goer and a Republican. The two do often go hand in hand, at least in my experience they do.

OP posts:
SinnerBoy · 21/01/2025 18:05

I'm an atheist, but surely she's offering her words to the wrong ears? Shouldn't she be thanking the sulphurous chap in the base?

Marylou2 · 21/01/2025 18:04

YANBU but aren't you just a little curious about how it would go? I'd be so tempted to let her go ahead. If it's just a God Bless our team and workplace I'd be willing to overlook it as whimsical. Any Trump or Maga nonsense and I'd be on to HR

MissionBiscuits · 21/01/2025 18:03

TightlyLacedCorset · 21/01/2025 17:49

I frankly doubt the validity of this one.

It might have been believable if the OP hadn't also made particular pains to paint the supposed Christian as a stereotypical immigrant hating, Trump loving, Maga waving alt-right Republican.

People fall for these sorts of threads because they want them to be true so it can put a tick box against all their hidden biases.

I don't, I used to be in the evangelical church and know of plenty of people who would absolutely do this. You clearly haven't had the 'pleasure' of encountering any of these nut jobs on social media, many don't even concern themselves with following Jesus anymore, Trump is their new messiah. I wish I was joking.

Don't be surprised if she starts claiming religious persecution if it is removed from the agenda OP.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 21/01/2025 18:02

TightlyLacedCorset · 21/01/2025 17:49

I frankly doubt the validity of this one.

It might have been believable if the OP hadn't also made particular pains to paint the supposed Christian as a stereotypical immigrant hating, Trump loving, Maga waving alt-right Republican.

People fall for these sorts of threads because they want them to be true so it can put a tick box against all their hidden biases.

And you think they don't exist??!

Someone put the tango'ed meglomaniac back in the White House...

The prayer is totally inappropriate.

LBFseBrom · 21/01/2025 18:02

You are not at all unreasonable, it is highly unprofessional. I am a believer but wouldn't even have thought of doing anything like that at work, it was never even mentioned, faith or lack of it is a personal matter.

However America is very, very different. People talk about their faith loudly and proudly in any circumstances - which is something the orange man has played to very effectively.

Over here we don't care what religion our prime minister, or any politician, espouses, or if she/he has none, as long as they don't bang on about it. It's their business. A politician may be anti-abortion but over here, he or she realises that is only one issue, can't do anything about it anyway, and concentrates on other things. We don't talk about religion full stop. It's unBnitish.

It is not unAmerican.

I'm with you all the way on this but I am not sure you can do anything about it. You could just be quiet, let her get on with it and join in the meeting once she is through. You won't be alone.

Good luck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread