To think she should drop the single parent label in these circumstances?

Eww why is she pocketing the child's money 🤢

How does she not have it “harder or even equal” to OP? Completely disagree on that - OP doesn’t work at all and has a supportive husband. In what world is that harder than being a single working parent?!

I actually think I didn’t mean to ask that question of you but I am so bloody glad you answered because that was an amazing response, thank you! Honesty, so much insight and I got a ln awful lot out of reading that. Thank you again.

😆 sorry I forgot this wasn’t a commonly used term. It’s something I pull out occasionally.

An example…

I’m not proud of it but was charged for swimming classes over the holidays and didn’t know they kept running after term so we missed. I told the admin lady I was a single parent and struggled to afford and it was a shame to miss. I was given makeup tokens.

I also asked a married friend to be my “husband” and talk me through a parenting dilemma as I was in my own head about it.

I feel like the stigma of being a single Mum far outweighs the “card” though. Plus not everyone sympathises - I’ve been told married Mums have another child in their husband, pressure to have sex when they’re tired & carry the mental load so it’s no easier. I’ve also been told by fifo (mining wife’s whose husbands work 1 week on and 1 week off etc) Mums their situation is similar.

There’s so many variables, how can you ever really know who has it harder. There’s so much about other people’s lives we never truly know even those close to us.

If she is solely responsible for keeping a roof over her and her kids head, in terms of bills, rent/mortgage etc, then yes she is a single parent for that part

She is technically a single parent. I’m afraid you are jealous op. If you are in fact happy with your life, crack on and stop looking at other people. If you are not in fact happy, do something about it..

She's a single parent, and that Monday-Thursday bit juggling work and nursery on her own will be bloody tough, we found it hard enough with two of us. Ease up on the judging.

Of course she's a single mother!
She juggling work and childcare then doing bedtime by herself four days a week, every week. Then she has a day with her daughter. She's lucky that she has a supportive ex and can get a break at weekends but I should think Mondays to Fridays are pretty exhausting.
Seeing as you're a SAHM, perhaps you could offer to help with her busy weekday schedule?

comparing herself to me when I am struggling with two and our situations are very different.

I think this is where the problem lies. Your sister appears to have quite an easy time of it - can work, can spend time with her child when she pleases, can do stuff for herself like nails and gets quality time to herself and only has one child which is far easier than multiple children.. She has the best of all worlds. Where as you are a full time mum doing it all and nobody really noticing.

Im in the same situation as you and I know somebody who is similar sounding to your sister with one child.

I think the problems aren’t the differences between your lives because they are personal choices you and her have made for yourselves, it’s the fact that she is making you feel less than her by comparing herself to you and implying she has it harder and can manage, and then making you feel like crap. You know she doesn’t have it harder or even equal to you and that’s what makes it feel unfair. The person I know has made snidey comments to me like that in the past and in my head I’m left counting to 10 because if I let out what I was thinking I’d end up offending others around me in the process IYSWIM.

There is a difference between single and lone IMO.

Technically I'm a single parent, but when I need people to know that there is no coparent I say I am a lone parent.

Well exactly, if he was having the children every weekend like in the post we are discussing he would be a co parent.

I always thought a single parent is a parent that doesn't have a coparent (or one that doesn't fulfil their parenting role at all). Not a parent that is not in a relationship with the other parent. But, seems like I'm wrong on the definition?

Sorry I replied to the wrong person there, my apologies.

THIS in abundance. I know single parents who do all the parenting (emotionally/financially/practically) with no help and others who represent what you describe. And I know some 'single parents' who aren't single but are for the purposes of benefit claims. That isn't meant to be sarcastic but is a statement of fact.

She is a single parent. The fact she manages well has nothing to do with her partnership status. Is a lucky single parent if you compare with those have to do it all with not help around.
Co parenting for me is 50/50 custody or a very similar arrangement.

YABU and sound very jealous. She is no longer with her partner and lives alone with her child. That is exactly what a single parent is. Just because her ex does more than the token bare minimum many of us have come to expect does not make her any less of a single parent. What if she worked full time and paid for a nanny to cover the periods she wasn't there? What if she had parents who looked after her child so she could have the odd night out or weekend to herself? Would you consider her a single parent then? She sounds like she's got a bit of life balance - caring for her child, successfully co-parenting AND managing to get some time to herself, making her a happier parent overall.

Can you define and expand upon what exactly ‘the single parent card’ is please?

I don’t think anyone is jealous of OP. She sounds pretty miserable, resentful and burned out tbh, I feel bad for her. People are just trying to point out that her sister is not the cause of how she’s feeling.

But yeh I don’t know, I’m not sure you can say she isn’t a single parent - she’s not the stereotype. However I never figured the criteria for being a single parent was how much support, money etc you were given. I’m not sure ! I get what you mean though - she can’t play the single parent card. My Mum has done this recently with me comparing her “plight” to my own. I calculated that by todays money my Dad was paying her the average wage. Not the same thing to my situation & was so irritated when I realised.

You sound jealous to be honest.

This is what stood out to me

“ I have two dc and don’t work. I have a very hands on dh but it’s rare I get two days of a weekend to do what I fancy. It does happen but it takes planning and certainly not every week!”

I wonder what you are really unhappy about in your life OP? What aren’t you saying?

Because based on what you’ve written, there is no apparent reason to be so bitter about your sister’s life.

I don't think anyone would ever call a married person a single parent. It's just not correct.
You may well have been raising your children pretty much on your own, but you were (are?) still married.
I presume he contributed financially and even if you didn't see him, were in contact such that you could make decisions about your children?
Even people on space missions communicate with their loved ones.

I am by no means suggesting that thing were easy for you, but factually speaking you were not a single parent.