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AIBU?

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Original poster

Accidentally booked a trip away over my best friends birthday

59 replies

brassandswitch · 21/01/2025 10:05

So I've just spoken to my best friend and showed her where I'm going on holiday with family in July, only for her to mention I'm away over her birthday. Completely forgot and didn't realise - I wasn't here last year either as I was away for work. She gets very touchy about it. I've apologised and she's genuinely upset at me for it. AIBU?!

OP posts:
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SpearheadViking · 21/01/2025 13:24

A birthday in July is in perk holiday season. I would celebrate with her before or after.

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/01/2025 13:09

Anywherebuthere · 21/01/2025 10:10

She sounds immature.
You are adults. Birthdays can be celebrated on a different day. People don't have to plan their holidays around someones birthday.

This. I can't even imagine making this a consideration in how I conduct my life. Your friend needs to get a grip.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/01/2025 13:07

Yanbu, even if she is single.

If she’s upset, she should keep it to herself. Adults shouldn’t expect other adults to fit their lives round non-significant, adult birthdays.

TwistedWonder · 21/01/2025 13:04

And I’d say unfortunately anyone whose birthday falls in the normal school holidays should probably accept not everyone will be available on the day.

VonHally · 21/01/2025 13:01

Birthday celebrations amongst friends are cringe after the age of 21. Big Roundy birthdays are allowed though 😊.

I'm guessing flakey friend is neither under 21 or celebrating a roundy birthday. I'd laugh in her face TBH and meet her either before or after her magic childish day and head off on your well deserved holiday.

TwistedWonder · 21/01/2025 12:58

She’s being absolutely ridiculous. Unless she’s a primary school child and you’re missing out on jelly and a cake, she needs to grow up and accept the world doesn’t revolve around her.

SpringleDingle · 21/01/2025 12:56

She's nuts!

Topseyt123 · 21/01/2025 12:54

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/01/2025 10:06

Is she 5? She needs to grow up.

That's nailed it. Tell her to grow up!

I never arranged my holidays around other people's birthdays. What an odd thing to expect!

Emma4242 · 21/01/2025 12:50

Is it an important milestone birthday?
Has anything major happened in her life recently? Like losing a family member or a breakup? That would make her feel sad or lonely and need her birthday to look forward to?
Just trying to think of reasons that her birthday may be meaningful to her and why she would be upset. - if none of these then I think it's quite immature.

MzHz · 21/01/2025 12:46

brassandswitch · 21/01/2025 10:17

I've already bought her tickets to a concert in July which was her birthday present anyway so she can't complain

and yet she IS complaining....

she's a big baby. just smile and wave. you have done nothing wrong.

this would have me backing off tbh.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 21/01/2025 12:45

I’m not 100% certain I know when my best friends birthday is…

NordicwithTeen · 21/01/2025 12:42

She will have to get over it unless she wants to look childish. Honestly there are so many threads about grown women having hissy fits because "it's their party and they'll cry if they want to" yet they don't book the date, pay for their guests or arrange anything fun. You have your own life.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/01/2025 12:28

brassandswitch · 21/01/2025 10:12

No nothing is planned and she always leaves it last minute anyway and she gets stressed and changes her mind every 2 minutes on what she wants to do. I don't celebrate mine anymore as I can't be arsed. Wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable or if she was the one being unreasonable 🤣

Sounds like she expects her friends to be waiting on tenterhooks, ready to dance to Her Majesty' whims.

It's a hard NO from me. She needs to grow the fuck up.

PLHJ84 · 21/01/2025 11:57

brassandswitch · 21/01/2025 10:12

No nothing is planned and she always leaves it last minute anyway and she gets stressed and changes her mind every 2 minutes on what she wants to do. I don't celebrate mine anymore as I can't be arsed. Wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable or if she was the one being unreasonable 🤣

YANBU!

Choccyscofffy · 21/01/2025 11:48

brassandswitch · 21/01/2025 10:17

I've already bought her tickets to a concert in July which was her birthday present anyway so she can't complain

Does she get you birthday presents?

She is BU to be annoyed when she has form for not making plans.

brunettemic · 21/01/2025 11:47

Sounds like you need a new best friend, preferably one that isn’t a child.

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 21/01/2025 11:27

I barely remember my friends’ birthdays. We usually just do cards.

minuette1 · 21/01/2025 11:17

I have good friends who I adore, but this notion of a grown woman who has a 'best friend' who has some kind of claim on her time is something I only see on mumsnet, I don't know anyone in real life who is in the kind of co-dependent 'best friends' relationship that is often referenced on posts here.

OP, honestly your family and booking a family holiday that works for you is the priority here, not some over grown 5 year old who insists her birthday should be of any importance to anyone else!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 21/01/2025 11:11

My very best friend doesn't have anyone to celebrate her birthday with, and even SHE doesn't mind if I'm not around on her birthday! Sometimes I have to work, sometimes I'm off with my kids... we do something really nice one day in the week before. She's never complained - because she knows that real life continues outside her.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 21/01/2025 11:10

Unless she has already invited you to something for her birthday this is just weird. Non issue

Annonymiss123 · 21/01/2025 11:08

I was on a cruise last year when my (adult) son had his birthday - it certainly didn't scar him!

Your friend sounds very immature.

Hippomumma · 21/01/2025 11:05

As a grown up, this is a weird reaction. I love my best friend but I don’t consider her birthday a date I have to live my life around.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 21/01/2025 11:04

I agree that she's being immature but actually I think it's worse than that. How dare she assume that her birthday (which you have already planned to celebrate with her at a concert) should dictate your vacation plans? It's rude, it's entitled and kind of unhinged tbh. Why does she think she's more important than everything else you have going on in your life and everything that the other people you are holidaying with have going on too? It's just weird

gannett · 21/01/2025 11:03

Well if she hasn't arranged anything yet and your presence is that important to her, she can arrange the celebration before or after your holiday. It doesn't need to be on the exact date.

Lindy2 · 21/01/2025 11:03

Why would you book a family holiday specifically around a friend's birthday?

When it's my birthday I have a meal out with my family on a day that's somewhere around the date of my actual birthday. It's been a long time since I went out with friends. Probably my 30th. Marriages happen, babies are born, priorities change.

Even children have birthday parties on days different to their actual birthday.

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