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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

567 replies

bannsise · 21/01/2025 08:04

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

OP posts:
steff13 · 21/01/2025 17:01

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 16:08

Ah yes, of course. You can remember enough of it to smear me but not enough to be able to say a single word of what it was.

How convenient!

That poster is not smearing you! We can all see that you had a comment deleted. I didn't see what it was so I don't know what it was but you could potentially contact MN and they could tell you.

TinyTear · 21/01/2025 16:54

PigInAHouse · 21/01/2025 16:48

Isnt ‘ees’ al longer ‘ee’ sound, as in ‘feet’?

I am lost!
Honestly been here 25 years and I do think I 'pass' most of the time, but i guess not... I do better than the French in my office though 😅

Accents are a funny thing. But even my husband says i do the eeeee wrong as he gets deliberately confused between my bean and been and bin - but that is him being obtuse

PigInAHouse · 21/01/2025 16:48

TinyTear · 21/01/2025 16:46

Thanks. In my accent i say is as in "this house is big" basically the same as ees

Isnt ‘ees’ al longer ‘ee’ sound, as in ‘feet’?

TinyTear · 21/01/2025 16:46

takealettermsjones · 21/01/2025 16:16

My understanding is that:

Eesabella (Italian version) is the same pronunciation as Isabela from Encanto. First part rhymes with Lisa.

Isabella (English version) is how Ross/Rachel pronounce Isabella Rossalini in Friends 😆 first part rhymes with fizz.

Thanks. In my accent i say is as in "this house is big" basically the same as ees

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 16:32

@ForZanyAquaViewer Sorry for whitesplaining.

SharpOpalNewt · 21/01/2025 16:31

I would try to remember but it is difficult when you have known someone all their lives by another name. Half the time DDs get called the cats' or dog's name.

My DM is about the only person who uses my full name all the time. She is allowed to as she is my mum.

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 16:21

takealettermsjones · 21/01/2025 16:12

Oh ffs. Why is it Giddy's job to remember what you said? MN clearly thought it broke the rules, so if you can't bloody remember then go and ask them!

It's not her job, I asked her because she said she could remember. Thanks for your patience.

takealettermsjones · 21/01/2025 16:16

TinyTear · 21/01/2025 16:13

I am probably being stupid but I cant tell the difference from the OP between

ee-sa-bell-a
is-a-bell-a

Eesa and is-a is the same - or are you calling her ISA like the savings?

Isa as in Eesa is common not only in Italy, but Spain and Portugal, was actually a short for Marisa

My understanding is that:

Eesabella (Italian version) is the same pronunciation as Isabela from Encanto. First part rhymes with Lisa.

Isabella (English version) is how Ross/Rachel pronounce Isabella Rossalini in Friends 😆 first part rhymes with fizz.

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 21/01/2025 16:14

Eesa and is-a is the same

No, because one starts with the sound “ee” and one with “is”. Unless you pronounce “is” like “ees” in your accent?

PigInAHouse · 21/01/2025 16:14

Isa would be a short ‘I’ sound, and Eesa a long ‘ee’ sound.

TinyTear · 21/01/2025 16:13

I am probably being stupid but I cant tell the difference from the OP between

ee-sa-bell-a
is-a-bell-a

Eesa and is-a is the same - or are you calling her ISA like the savings?

Isa as in Eesa is common not only in Italy, but Spain and Portugal, was actually a short for Marisa

takealettermsjones · 21/01/2025 16:12

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 16:08

Ah yes, of course. You can remember enough of it to smear me but not enough to be able to say a single word of what it was.

How convenient!

Oh ffs. Why is it Giddy's job to remember what you said? MN clearly thought it broke the rules, so if you can't bloody remember then go and ask them!

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 16:08

GiddyRobin · 21/01/2025 16:03

I can remember the gist of it and I'm not repeating it; it was deleted for a reason. I certainly can't remember details. I'm afraid your monologue didn't have me gripped.

This is the last time I'm responding to you now, as I get the impression you're just desperate for an argument. You won't get it from me. Have a delightful day.

Ah yes, of course. You can remember enough of it to smear me but not enough to be able to say a single word of what it was.

How convenient!

GiddyRobin · 21/01/2025 16:03

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 16:00

If you can't remember it, how can you understand why it was deleted, like you said?

I can remember the gist of it and I'm not repeating it; it was deleted for a reason. I certainly can't remember details. I'm afraid your monologue didn't have me gripped.

This is the last time I'm responding to you now, as I get the impression you're just desperate for an argument. You won't get it from me. Have a delightful day.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/01/2025 16:03

tobee · 21/01/2025 15:51

"It's her name"
"It's her identity"
"She'll hate you for it!"
"You might not be in her life anymore"

Sounds like children in the playground.

People aren't very chilled are they?

If it's such a massive deal it's sounds like there's more to it than this.

If she's 22, an adult as pp say surely you can have a more productive conversation about it?

@tobee - as I said earlier, I have experienced this from both sides - my mum digging her heels in and refusing to call me by my choice of a shortened form of my name, because she preferred the name she had chosen for me, and my son choosing to use a shortened form of his name when I preferred the full name we had given him.

I felt that my mum was not respecting my choice, or me as an adult, and this did impact my relationship with her (it wasn’t the only thing, by any means, but it didn’t help). Even when she did decide to use the name I wanted, she made it abundantly clear how difficult it was for her, which rubbed me up the wrong way.

As a consequence, when ds1 decided to use the shortened form of his name, I accepted it was his choice, and started using it without complaint. My relationship with him mattered so much more than my feelings about his name. It felt a bit odd at first, but I adapted, and now it feels perfectly right and natural - it is part of his identity, and I am happy about it.

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 16:00

GiddyRobin · 21/01/2025 15:59

Sorry, but again; I don't have an eidetic memory. You seem to expect others to but can't remember your own posts. I'm afraid I can't help you there - though I note you've discovered the word "please" this time rather than stroppy demands.

@BMW6 I agree with this. I think at the age of 22 the DD knows what she wants, and while she might even change her mind further down the line - it's just not worth falling out over. Just the stretching of a vowel of all things.

Besides, if the OP is in the UK and the DD in Italy, I'd really not recommend marring the time they do spend together arguing over a name.

If you can't remember it, how can you understand why it was deleted, like you said?

GiddyRobin · 21/01/2025 15:59

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 15:54

Giddy, you said you can see why it was deleted. Can you please tell me what it was? I'm so curious to know which one, and I can't remember, as I've written quite a few replies.

Sorry, but again; I don't have an eidetic memory. You seem to expect others to but can't remember your own posts. I'm afraid I can't help you there - though I note you've discovered the word "please" this time rather than stroppy demands.

@BMW6 I agree with this. I think at the age of 22 the DD knows what she wants, and while she might even change her mind further down the line - it's just not worth falling out over. Just the stretching of a vowel of all things.

Besides, if the OP is in the UK and the DD in Italy, I'd really not recommend marring the time they do spend together arguing over a name.

Mulledjuice · 21/01/2025 15:57

Just call her "darling".

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 15:54

GiddyRobin · 21/01/2025 15:52

I like that one. Might add it to the ongoing list of hilarious slang I've got running in my head. 😆

How very mature, calling someone names because they shared their lived experience. I have lived in the UK for 32 years and the US for 18 years, which I think gives me my own unique perspective and I thought Zany might be interested in what I've observed. My mistake.

Have a nice day.

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 15:54

GiddyRobin · 21/01/2025 15:31

You did have a comment deleted, back on the last page. And I can see why it was deleted, too.

I won't be debating with you either, a) because I won't derail, and b) because quite honestly I don't have the patience for the kind of argument you've been putting out. @ForZanyAquaViewer has been very calm and measured in her responses, I'd say.

Giddy, you said you can see why it was deleted. Can you please tell me what it was? I'm so curious to know which one, and I can't remember, as I've written quite a few replies.

BMW6 · 21/01/2025 15:52

rainbowunicorn · 21/01/2025 10:32

Why is it odd for someone who has an Italian name and was born and brought up in Italy as an Italian citizen with an Italian parent to want to use the Italian pronunciation of her name.

This. Don't be a fool OP. Your child prefers the Italian pronunciation and I think you are digging your heels in because of resentment over her upbringing abroad.

Whatever your reasoning it's rude and unnecessary to insist on using a pronunciation other than the one she prefers.

Is it really worth damaging your entire relationship over?

ChicLilacSeal · 21/01/2025 15:52

mbosnz · 21/01/2025 15:47

Yeah, if MN deleted a message, it's either been complained about, or in their opinion without prompting, they found it egregious enough to make deleting a good idea. So, in your parlance, MN thinks you wrote something awful, and deleted it.

I think white people should perhaps have a bit of humility about thinking their observations and what their 'besties' tell them about their experiences of racism are, when they are talking about racism to a person of colour who is telling them what their own lived experience has been. I think that Zany has been fairly patient in the face of quite some provocation.

She hasn't; she was far nastier than I was. I was just telling her what I found in the two countries and that they were very different. 🤷‍♂️I thought we could have a dialogue about it, but no.

GiddyRobin · 21/01/2025 15:52

mbosnz · 21/01/2025 15:50

LOL, on my facebook feed just had this pop up, 'dicktum - a person who acts like a dick and then acts like a victim about it'. . .

I like that one. Might add it to the ongoing list of hilarious slang I've got running in my head. 😆

tobee · 21/01/2025 15:51

"It's her name"
"It's her identity"
"She'll hate you for it!"
"You might not be in her life anymore"

Sounds like children in the playground.

People aren't very chilled are they?

If it's such a massive deal it's sounds like there's more to it than this.

If she's 22, an adult as pp say surely you can have a more productive conversation about it?

mbosnz · 21/01/2025 15:50

LOL, on my facebook feed just had this pop up, 'dicktum - a person who acts like a dick and then acts like a victim about it'. . .

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