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AIBU?

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Original poster

To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

567 replies

bannsise · 21/01/2025 08:04

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 21/01/2025 08:15

I thought this was gonna be much worse - plenty of kids completely change their names now so this is very mild really. She still wants to be called her name and it's only you holding out for the version she doesn't like and no one else calls her. There's no way you should carry on with your own wishes overruling her because of some power trip of picking it. Just call her Isa. It's fine and doesn't require an accent.

atesomanybananas · 21/01/2025 08:13

My DC uses one of their middle names. They prefer it to their first name. That’s fine by me!

BabCNesbitt · 21/01/2025 08:13

I understand where you’re coming from, but I think you need to ask yourself what’s more important here: being in the right (in your mind), or maintaining a good relationship with your daughter. If you insist on calling her by a name she doesn’t want to use, she’s going to feel like you won’t listen to her when it comes to other things.

Galectable · 21/01/2025 08:12

I'd do as she asks, perhaps she's after consistency. Also, when you often get called by a shortened form of your name, hearing your full name may remind you of school... or a formal situation. I get your disappointment, but she has to live with the name. She's still young. She may go back to Isabella in time.

DeathNote11 · 21/01/2025 08:12

I'd call her it .... I'd also ask her daily what interest rate she was currently offering.

MassiveSalad22 · 21/01/2025 08:11

Imagine if someone insisted on calling you a name you didn’t like and/or didn’t relate to??!

FrenchandSaunders · 21/01/2025 08:11

How often do you actually need to say her name? I have two DDs in their 20s and I don’t regularly have to say their name.

One of mine shortened her name … doesn’t bother me.

Babyandmexox · 21/01/2025 08:10

I wouldn't let this affect your relationship with her, after all she is an adult. But I understand your frustration, you named her that's her name but she's chosen to use her nickname,

romdowa · 21/01/2025 08:10

At her age you'll have to do as she asks other wise you're going to do damage to the relationship between you. Even though you picked the name, you gave it to her and it's up to her how she wants to be addressed.

BarbedButterfly · 21/01/2025 08:10

It is her name, not yours. My mum is the only one who calls me by my full name and it annoys me tbh. The name is a gift and once the child is old enough to decide for themselves, that is what I use.

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf · 21/01/2025 08:09

I haven’t answered to my full name for years (since I was about 7 I think) conversely my DD won’t answer to anything but her full name.

Suggest you call your adult daughter the name she prefers.

Rachmorr57 · 21/01/2025 08:09

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SecretToryVoter · 21/01/2025 08:09

You might have chosen it but it’s her name - you should respect what she wants to be called.

Runningoutofthyme · 21/01/2025 08:08

Sure, but don’t expect to say it often as it’s doubtful she’ll spend much time around you when you can’t respect her wishes

DappledThings · 21/01/2025 08:08

Yes, you're not being entirely unreasonable to want to use her full name but it's not a hill to die on

She isn't asking you to call her by a different name but by an abbreviation of her name. Lots of people have preferences for that same as dome have preferences not to have it shortened.

The difference between issa and eesa is slight and there's no need to alter your pronunciation particularly but you would be doing the reasonable thing to use the requested shortening.

Perplexed20 · 21/01/2025 08:08

She's an adult.
Are you willing to let this affect your relationship with her?

AuntieMarys · 21/01/2025 08:07

If I was your daughter I'd have very little to do with you. Why can't you respect her wishes?

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