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AIBU?

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Original poster

To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

567 replies

bannsise · 21/01/2025 08:04

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 21/01/2025 08:33

You might have named her but it’s her name now and she can request you use whatever derivative or pronunciation she likes (or change it entirely!) You don’t have to comply of course but be prepared for a backlash if you don’t because it comes across as massively disrespectful.

ClassicBBQ · 21/01/2025 08:31

Please don't. She's a grown adult and has expressed she doesn't want to be called Isabella anymore. My DM insists on calling me by my 'proper' name and I cringe every time I hear it. No one calls me that name and it makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward.

romdowa · 21/01/2025 08:31

bannsise · 21/01/2025 08:16

Well it does require an accent, she’s made it clear “isa” isn’t acceptable and I have to say “eesa”.

Show quote history

Obviously you tell her that it won't be possible to say it exactly like her father does but you'll do your best.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 21/01/2025 08:31

She's an adult so she gets to dictate what she is called, it's her name and her identity not yours for goodness sake! I can't quite believe you've had to come onto the Internet to ask this!

Thank goodness my wishes not to be called my long name are respected!.I hate my full, long name..

HeffalumpsAndWoozlesAreHoneyRobbingTwats · 21/01/2025 08:31

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 21/01/2025 08:28

It's not like she's asking you to call her princess lulu bear banana crackers. Just call her what she wants.

YABVU to refuse to call somebody Princess Lulu Bear Banana Crackers.

Conniebygaslight · 21/01/2025 08:30

I rarely call my 4 adult children by their names...Usually, Love, Honey, Sweetheart or something like that. If they asked me to stop I would.

Original poster
bannsise · 21/01/2025 08:29

Maray1967 · 21/01/2025 08:25

This is a tricky one, as it goes beyond just using the shortened version. My DS24 has a name which has a very standard short version (think like Michael to Mike). Family call him ‘Michael’, and his schoolmates’ parents, but everyone else calls him ‘Mike’. He has never asked us to call himn’Mike’, but if he did, we would. But in OP’s case, the daughter is expecting her to use a pronunciation which is foreign to her - that seems weird in my view. Why can’t she accept that her mum and dad pronounce Isa differently because they are of different nationalities?

She argues she wasn’t raised in the uk and she actively doesn’t identify as British (claims it would be embarrassing to be British).

OP posts:
TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 21/01/2025 08:28

It's not like she's asking you to call her princess lulu bear banana crackers. Just call her what she wants.

Novaavon · 21/01/2025 08:27

DeathNote11 · 21/01/2025 08:12

I'd call her it .... I'd also ask her daily what interest rate she was currently offering.

This really made me laugh!

andfinallyhereweare · 21/01/2025 08:27

@bannsise the way I see this is she’s trying to connect with her fathers EU roots. It’s not a dig at you, speak to her and see how both are feeling, but is this a hill you choose to die on?

Maray1967 · 21/01/2025 08:25

This is a tricky one, as it goes beyond just using the shortened version. My DS24 has a name which has a very standard short version (think like Michael to Mike). Family call him ‘Michael’, and his schoolmates’ parents, but everyone else calls him ‘Mike’. He has never asked us to call himn’Mike’, but if he did, we would. But in OP’s case, the daughter is expecting her to use a pronunciation which is foreign to her - that seems weird in my view. Why can’t she accept that her mum and dad pronounce Isa differently because they are of different nationalities?

DangerMouseAndPenfoldx · 21/01/2025 08:24

Clearly this is really about a battle of control with your ex. You are pissed off that he has “won” over the name.

For goodness sake let it go and don’t let it spoil your relationship with your daughter.

HowToSaveAWife · 21/01/2025 08:22

Controlling for the sake of it.

HeffalumpsAndWoozlesAreHoneyRobbingTwats · 21/01/2025 08:21

You gave her a name. She's now an adult and can decide exactly what she wants to be called. To disrespect that is rude and, quite frankly, a bit controlling. Crack on as you are if you want to alienate your daughter.

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 21/01/2025 08:20

You are not being unreasonable to, quietly & to yourself, feel a little sad that the name you chose has been somewhat shelved - there is a lot of emotion attached to picking your baby’s name so I get that!

However, you are being unreasonable to ignore your adult daughter’s wishes, it’s not your name and no longer your choice!
For what it’s worth I purposely chose names for my children which cannot be abbreviated because I wanted them to be named the name I chose! All well and good until about the second year of primary when their friends start giving them nicknames regardless of how easy or difficult it is to abbreviate the name! One of my children couldn’t care less what nickname people use so some of the nicknames stuck, the other will correct people to use their full name.
it is what it is, they’re people with autonomy who get to choose for themselves!

Overthebow · 21/01/2025 08:20

But it’s her name, why can’t you go with what she wants?

CountingDownToSummer · 21/01/2025 08:19

You chose the name and GAVE it to her so it's now her name.
It seems really mean to not take your DD's wishes on board.
I really can't see why you'd want to force this matter, I can't see how it will end well for you

Catza · 21/01/2025 08:18

If my mother insisted on calling me by my full name, I'd probably have a very difficult relationship with her. Yes, you gave her the name so what. I am sure you don't have much say in her other life choices despite birthing her .. oh, wait. I'm actually not sure of that at all.

ChristmasGrinch24 · 21/01/2025 08:18

Use the one she wants, my mother insists calling me my full name at times and it grates on me to no end. You may like the name but doesn't mean she does!

PointsSouth · 21/01/2025 08:18

What you’re saying is, “What I want to call her is more important than what she wants to be called.”

Does that sound reasonable to you?

JimHalpertsWife · 21/01/2025 08:17

You gave her the name. It isn't on loan from you, it doesn't belong to you. It is hers. And as such, she can choose to use whatever diminutive / alternative name she likes. Why be a twat about it?

TheStigarette · 21/01/2025 08:16

She'll really hate you for this. Gently, as i know it's hard to let go of then being our children but Its HER name, not yours. Is it worth her being angry with you?

Original poster
bannsise · 21/01/2025 08:16

pinkdelight · 21/01/2025 08:15

I thought this was gonna be much worse - plenty of kids completely change their names now so this is very mild really. She still wants to be called her name and it's only you holding out for the version she doesn't like and no one else calls her. There's no way you should carry on with your own wishes overruling her because of some power trip of picking it. Just call her Isa. It's fine and doesn't require an accent.

Well it does require an accent, she’s made it clear “isa” isn’t acceptable and I have to say “eesa”.

OP posts:
Bodybutterblusher · 21/01/2025 08:16

It's one of those do you want to be right or do you want to be happy situations.

BilboBlaggin · 21/01/2025 08:15

Your daughter is an adult and can choose what she'd like to be called. If you were my parent and refused to respect my choice then I'd have little to do with you.

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