To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

Yabvu. Kids have no control or say over what name they are given. But she’s a young adult now and has the right to go by whatever name she chooses. It would be disrespectful and controlling to continue to call her a name she doesn’t like. You can insist if you like, but be prepared to see a lot less of her!

Both my son and youngest daughter are called by shortened versions of their given names . But only by their friends ..immediate family use the full name. With no problems, but my grandson hates his name being shortened and tells people "my name is S××××××n and I don't like being called anything else ." Maybe find a pet name or something that's just for the two of you ?

Call your daughter 'DARLING' from now on.

Don't choose a name that can be shortened in more than one way if you're not happy for your child to shorten their name.
It's really that simple.

Is a bell really necessary on a bike - not a very kind name in the first place.

@SwerveCity What would you say to me? “Grow up!”?

The young woman has made a decision, it’s hers to make, HER “label”. She feels it’s important enough to attempt a change. I truly wish I’d changed my name, years ago.

So if your adult child changed their name legally by deed poll and you still called them by their old now no longer their legal name, that would be OK? Names aren't set in stone. People are allowed to change them, whether officially or not. And by not respecting that, you're taking an axe to a relationship.

it absolutely is when you KNOW you are going against her expressed wish

Why is it unacceptable for an adult to want people to use the name or nickname that they have chosen, @SwerveCity?

Having been called by my full name until my mid-twenties, I made the choice to be called by a shortened version of that name - my mum refused to use my chosen name, and that showed me that she didn’t respect my choices as an adult. I don’t think that is a message any decent parent wants to give their child.

When ds1 chose to be called by a shortened version of his name, I did it without demur, because it was his name, his identity, and I never wanted to make him feel the way that my mum had made me feel.

If something is important to my daughter, such as her name, then it's important to me, as yet another way to demonstrate that I listen to her, respect her, and care about what is important to her.

Not to have a power play over, or show how little care or respect I have for her feelings.

Equally, when she tried it, I made it very clear that I didn't like her calling me by my first name, and please call me Mum. She respected that, and has never done so since.

Works for us, nohow.

Your daughter is trying to control you.

😂😂

She just wants to be called by the name that everyone else calls her.

Life is too too short to correct everyone who mispronounces my name, I assure you And it is not sneaky to refer to someone by a different name to the one you use to their face. It’s real life.

But if you corrected someone and asked them to call you by your choice, surely they would do it? You might as well say that the OP is wanting to control her daughter..... I think your suggestion of calling her by a name that she doesn't want to be called by behind her back is quite sneaky and unpleasant.

I had to reread that as when I got to the end I was presuming it was a teenager. She’s 22? Tell her to grow the fuck up. It’s her name. You are English and will pronounce it the English way.

There is more to this than is immediately obvious. Your daughter is trying to control
you. You don’t want to be controlled. The name thing a a symptom of a strained relationship. You need to fix the relationship.
People on here seem to think you can always choose what you are called. You can’t. I would much rather be called Mrs G by salespeople and youngsters etc but they rarely give me that courtesy. I would also like people to pronounce my name correctly but very few people do.
Having said that it is not a hill to die on. You can call her what she wants to her face, and still refer to her as Isabella when speaking to your friends. As someone above said, most of the time you don’t need to call her anything when you are talking to her.
My own son doesn’t mind that I am the only person on earth that calls him by his given name and doesn’t shorten it. He looks on it as one of Mum’s little quirks.

I have a long name which I shorten to a variation of my name which I like.. My parents insist on calling me by a different shortened version. So if my name is Elizabeth I always use Lizzie, they call me Liz. It really irritates me, I have asked them many times to use my preference, they just don't and it drives me mad. Go with what you daughter wants.

If you love the full name so much, buy a house plant and call it that all you like.

Never too old to reinvent yourself, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!! Fuck fair to others, it’s YOUR life after all 😉

@MissDoubleU I’m O L D! 🤣 I don’t think it’d be fair on people who’ve always known me as “Going”.

The sad thing is, we had such lovely family names to choose from when I was born. Constance, Matilda, Eleanor.

I wonder how people get used to a completely different name choice. At least the OP’s daughter isn’t choosing something totally new.

Why can’t you change it? It’s not expensive it difficult. Pick a name you love

My DF and the rest of the family mainly call me my full name. No one else does. It sounds quite odd because it's so formal but I don't mind. My DF chose my name.

Do you have a pet name for her instead? She has such a beautiful name!

If you think about it, it is slightly odd that someone who doesn't 'know' you gets to pick a name before you are born, that you are expected to use for life! I'm a nurse of 20 yrs, many elderly people ie. into their 80's don't use their birth name, nothing new in that. My uncle was called Jack, it's only when he died, I found out his name was John! I have an aunt Peggy didn't know she was actually Margaret until funeral! In the nicest way possible, just let it go, it's not that deep. She isn't rejecting you, it's not choosing her dad over you, which is what seems to be at the bottom of this. Sorry if that's not the case.

i don't think the Op is coming back.....

My BF is Italian but British, he doesn't actually speak Italian. His first name is British, but he pronounces his surname with an Italian accent, and so do I now, as it wouldn't sound right with a British accent

I gave my kids names so that they would be able to adapt to their own taste. So my DD is Charlotte - over the years she's been Char, Charley, Lottie. It's up to them how to use the name they have, and I respect what they want to be called by