To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

I work with someone called George - except he's South American so it's pronounced Hor-Hey. If we were to all pronounce it Jaw-Juh we'd be quite rightly disciplined. It's not that flipping difficult to accept names are pronounced differently in different countries and you should call people what they ask you to call them.

I think you can call her whatever you like. She can't make you use a particular short version of her name.

However, if you choose not to treat her with the basic respect of addressing her as she wishes to be addressed, then she may quite reasonably decide that the relationship simply isn't worth maintaining.

And I doubt that anyone would blame her.

I don't think this is an accent issue though. Imo, an accent difference would be when someone always pronounces a vowel sound in a certain way and would struggle to pronounce it otherwise.

This isn't like that. I have no doubt that OP can pronounce Lisa.

It's pretty easy to see why she's a little bitter about Britain? She's spent her childhood with a mother fighting to take her there away from everything and everyone she knows, who then abandoned her to return at the earliest opportunity.

Plus huge swathes of this place are shitholes and our services are mostly a joke at this point. She's not far wrong without the above, I take no pride in being British and I've never met anyone who has to be honest.

I changed my name (completely) at 14. I very quickly had no relationship with people who refused to call me by my new name.

Your daughter has made a very simple request. Not respecting that is likely to be a very big thing for her and very damaging for your relationship.

I have a name that has been abbreviated to a shortened version for as long as I can remember. The only time I ever get the long version is when I know my mum's really cross 😆. Occasionally new people will call me by my full name and still persist with it even when I say "Oh just call me X" and it annoys the hell out of me. Sorry OP but I'm with your daughter here.

I think ee-sa as a short form of Isabella sounds pretentious and odd. It doesn't even sound like a real name.

You are aware that the UK is only one country (and culture) of many; and that many of those countries don't speak English as their national language or use the same names that we do?

My dad is the only one who calls me by my full name and is a name I hate. My name is shortened and my dad refuses to call me by the shortened version. It annoys me as I feel disrespected. I've picked my battles and decided not to argue over it.

You call your daughter what she wants you to call her. It's disrespectful if you don't.

If you choose to have an Italian child I don't understand why you would be upset when she wants an Italian name.

My DS has a name that change change a bit too and he prefers the Dutch version...because he's Dutch.

So that's what I call him.

I can't work out how any form of accent is needed to say Eesa. It is dead easy to say without doing a pseudo-Italian accent. It will just take a little mental adjustment, but if that is the name she wishes to go by as an adult, you should respect her choice.

Neither of my children are known by the names I chose for them. One because we started using a diminutive and he still prefers it, the other because he chose a diminutive in his teens. I respect both of their preferences.

Quite honestly, the fact that you left her, aged 16, in a different country, for whatever reason, is a far bigger problem. With that in the background, this is not a battle to pick.

Do you have any Irish heritage? Call her Eesa Creest (close enough to how you would pronounce Íosa Críost) meaning Jesus Christ in Irish. Is your relationship otherwise good or bad? Tell her if she wants to call herself Jesus, that’s her business - but you have religious objections 😉.

Just kidding but this is tricky because on the one hand, you should probably just keep the peace and she may chill out about it in the future…but on the other hand, she sounds massively immature (horrified anyone might ever think she was British for example) and I’d be shocked if this is the only problem.

Good luck x

It's still the name you gave her. I would respect her wishes and use the shortened version with the Italian pronunciation. Not doing so may cause a rift between you and your daughter which I'm sure you don't want.

And? Many parents still do that (usually in jest)

Sounds to me that this insistence on using her full name is more about you feeling she is pushing you further away by using Isa as a name rather than the one you gave her.

You could use her full name when you write to her but get used to using her nick name, Isa, when speaking to her. Would she accept, Is, just from you?

If she doesn't like your accent then you need to tell her that you are British. Remind her that you have stopped calling her Bella and Isabella and not to mock your accent.

I would be quite sad if my child refused to answer to the name I chose, because of course I think it's beautiful. But it's their name and their choice at the end of the day, and she's an adult. Also, I presume you expected it to be pronounced in the Italian way most of the time since you lived in Italy?

It's always a risk choosing a name where you are not keen on any common short forms.

I would use the name she has requested because having a good relationship with my daughter would be the most important thing.

So she was born in Italy and has lived there her whole life? You lived there until she was 16? How long did you live there before you had your daughter? Didn't you learn Italian whilst you were there? If you did, then I don't see what's the problem with using the Italian pronunciation as surely after 16 years, you would be fluently using an Italian accent and comfortable doing so? And very used to hearing it pronounced the way your adult, Italian daughter is asking you to?

Did you honestly spend 16 years pronouncing it the English way, when everyone around you was pronouncing it the Italian way? Did you do it on purpose to prove some kind of point. Has it really only just come up now at the age of 22?

I hate my name and loathe the diminution even more which my mother insisted on calling me even though I told her that I didn't like being called by that. She refused to listen and continued in her own sweet way. It made me dislike her a bit more each time. Respect what your daughter wants to be called.

When speaking to others, whose names are not native to the UK, do you feel the need to butcher their name with a British pronunciation, or do you make an effort to learn the correct pronunciation.

Regardless of your intention when naming her, she grew up hearing and associating with something more appropriately native to where she lives. It isn’t a massive stretch to call her Eesa.

I understand, and would feel the same. I think this is wrapped up in your feelings about her father, and your being trapped in Italy unable to bring her to the UK. I am sorry you experienced that.
Unfortunately, your needs and wishes come second, and I think you need to suck it up. You gave her a name that works in Italian and English, and she's opted for the pronunciation of the heritage she was most raised in.
Please let it go, or you risk damaging your relationship with your daughter.

She wants to belong in the country where she lives. that's understandable. But, you're ignoring replies. Not sure why you bothered posting TBH

Jez - some parents are grappling with gender fluid issues and children wanting entirely different names and pro nouns and you’re digging your heals in about a variation of the name you chose! The history is relevant but it only reinforces that it looks like you’re trying to make this about you and have ownership. Your daughter obviously identifies more with her Italian heritage and likes her name pronounced accordingly. By refusing to do that it’s a bit like not recognising who she is or suggesting you don’t like or respect that. You choose to have a child with her father and reside in that country so you really shouldn’t get uppity about this outcome. Moreover you are doing serious damage to your relationship with her.

You gave her the name at birth. What she does with it is up to her.
You wouldn't give someone a present and then 22 years later still expect to be telling them what to do with it.

Call her what she wants to be called and when the need arises, adopt the same stance that centuries of mothers have done and call her by her full name she was given at birth!! My DS Sam is Samuel when he knows I need him to listen to me!!

I'm in my 50s and lots of my friends who previously went by a shortened version of their name now prefer their full name and vice versa. I try very hard to get it right even though their previous preference is ingrained.

I cringe when I'm full named by someone who is close to me, but don't like people who don't know me using my nickname ..it's an intimacy thing.

Isabella is a beautiful name, but it is a very girlie name, if she doesn't feel like an Isabella and associates ee-sa with her culture and who she is, then as much as it hurts and feels like a rejection it's dismissive to call her by her full name.