To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

I changed my name when I was 18, as I was sick of people mispronouncing it. My mum has never called me by the name I changed to. Do I expect her to? Absolutely not. I respect that my mum picked a name for me that had meaning. My mum respects that I got tired of people's laziness.

I think your daughter is being unreasonable, particularly with the pronunciation, which I know seems ironic given what I've just written! It's fine to make other people pronounce it how she wants, but you're right, you gave her the name, so you can hardly mispronounce it. I could be wrong, but is there a touch of the Disney Dad happening here?

Yes.
I think in op’s case there’s a lot more going on than just a name pronunciation.
The dd probably feels she was left at 16 and I think is probably punishing her mum on purpose. The op is apparently meant to use a fake accent too.
Absolutely ridiculous.

My parents have always shortened my name and nobody else says it like them.
I wouldn’t choose their version but I’m not going to correct them either.

You are absolutely in the wrong. I know because I was like your daughter. I didn't want to be called by my full name by anybody. My mum felt like you as she took it very personally, but she did call me by my preferred diminutive. She got so used to it she never even slipped up over the years. I would have been very pissed off if she had ignored my request and it could have caused real issues.

Put your ego away and call your daughter the name she has the right to be called.

So you don't think that her insulting her mother is being twattish?

She's 22, you're going to have to let go of the fact that you chose her name over two decades ago and accept that it is her name, not yours. The name she wants to be known by isn't offensive or illogical so you seem to be taking a stand just for the sake of asserting your British identity. Is that really more important than your relationship with your daughter?!

FWIW, my daughter also wants to be known by a shortened version of her name which I don't like; I am going through this myself. But I still cannot comprehend where you're coming from.

Someone's name is their name, no matter who gave it to them or where it came from.

It's part of their identity

You're being very dismissive and your daughter likely won't put up with it

If she’s grown up abroad, and the pronunciation is the norm there then you should go with it. How would you feel if you lived in England but had to use an Italian pronunciation?

I can understand your upset but would encourage you to suck it up and accept your daughter’s wishes, it is her name after all .

It’s not saying it ‘with an accent’ it’s the pronunciation. Some people pronounce Mhairi as Marie and some as vari. The Germans pronounce Susannah as Suzanne and my cousin gets very irritated when someone says Susannah. If a person who pronounces the name Graham the American pronounciation would you insist on telling them it should be pronounced the way we do in the uk.

This is clearly upsetting her and I suspect you just don’t like it because her dad calls her it. If you continue to do it she will spend less and time with you.

This is the risk you take when you name your child a name like that. A friend wanted to call her daughter Elizabeth, but when I mentioned she would sort of have to also like Liz Lizzie Izzie Beth Eliza etc she had to think again

That's actually how I feel, too.

So you left her at 16 to move to a different country?

I’d bet my house that she’s quite angry about that decision and that will be quite present in her dealings with you.

My sister asked all to use a different nickname for her name a couple of years ago (in her 30s) so obviously we did, because we respect her and it’s her name.

It does seem a little odd choosing an Italian as a partner to have a baby with, and then being summarily unwilling to embrace the fact that he will obviously have an Italian accent and culture - especially when you also decide to live for an extended time in Italy, where your DC is then born.

Italy and being half-Italian is a huge part of her identity and life experience. Why would you want to deny her the right to embrace that?

It’s a bit odd tbh but her choice. I get called all manner of different names from different members of the family and I love that but each to their own.

If my in-laws and DH are anything to go by… it’s never “just” and is the tip of very big iceberg.

I'd respect her wishes. We'd call my 8yr old by the shortened version of her name, when she was 6 she asked us not to, to stick to her full name, so we have.

Do you think someone's mother has more say over what they should be called than they themselves do?

Sorry but it doesn’t matter that you don’t like it - she does and it’s her choice. My sister changed her very feminine name by dead poll to something like Bob. Not because she had gender issues just because she was being a rebellious teen. My mum was devastated but yes we call her Bob.

I changed my birth name because it was a very traditional English name and I don’t have drop of English blood, quite the opposite I’m Mediterranean. My mother refers to me still as my birth name, I’m low to no contact with her. Go figure.

I moved to America when I was 32. I'm now 50. I've found that Americans don't like being American, and now you're saying that some British people, including you, don't like being British. I can see both nations from an outsider's perspective, and they both have some awesome things about them. I find it very sad that you'd be so down on Britain. It doesn't have the extremely deep-seated racism that America has, and even if the NHS is underfunded, it's a truly wonderful concept. Britain is extremely tolerant compared to many nations. We have beautiful countryside where we can walk without fear of being torn apart by coyotes and bears, and we don't have extremes of weather like other countries do, nor do we have to worry about wildfires, earthquakes, and tornados. Count your blessings!

Imagine she’s not your daughter but a new work colleague. She says “hi I’m Isa” and pronounces it Eeesa, it would be very odd and rude for you to call her “Izza” when you know that’s not how she pronounces her name.

Accord your daughter the same respect you would a stranger.

I think you, as her mother who picked her name, have a special role and you are entitled to call her by her birth name.

You should call her by the name she wants with the pronunciation she wants. She lives in Italy and has done all her life it seems.
It's not surprising she doesn't "identify" as British. She's Italian (presumably also has Italian nationality) and possibly a British citizen too but she feels more Italian and wants to use the Italian pronunciation of the name.
You have to accept that and accept the fact she is more Italian than British.

Apart from anything else, a 4-syllable name is always going to end up being shortened in everyday use - that was one of the in-jokes in Mike Leigh's (glorious) Nuts In May: where Keith insisted on using Candice-Marie's full name every single time he spoke to or about her.

It's perfectly fine to pronounce a foreign name or word in the correct way, but without adopting an accent that isn't your own. If you can say 'Lisa', you can say 'Ee-sa' - nobody is expecting you to say 'Eeeeeeeee-sssaaaaaaaahhhhhh' like Mama Dolmio.