To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

Which is why both pronunciations are equally valid

If I was your daughter I'd have very little to do with you. Why can't you respect her wishes?

You’re getting a tough time here OP.

It’s no surprise you’ve dug your heels in - your daughter told you - who picked the name - that you are pronouncing this name wrong! How ignorant, stupid and disrespectful.

It sounds like she’s trying to fully identify with her dad’s heritage and country and wants to sound more exotic than plain old Bella, or Issy. It’s pretentious and she’ll probably be embarrassed when she’s older.

Claiming that no one has called her anything except Isa is a lie. None of her UK friends or teachers would have called her that naturally unless she attempted to enforce it, which would have met with limited success. As an adult, every time she gets a non-social phone call, or called into an appointment they will call her Isabella with the English pronunciation.

A child changing their name is a rejection of their parents’ choice for them, so it will sting. It is also asking something of you that will never feel right or natural. Ultimately, it’s their choice, but she has not been respectful about it at all.

It’s not like she said, “Mum I prefer Isa and it suits me much better. This is what feels right for me and what everyone else is calling me now.” She’s stupidly said you are wrong about your own baby name choice which is incredibly rude, she is blatantly lying/exaggerating about “no one” else calls her that, and it seems like this new insistence is to make herself seem more exotic which is juvenile and may not last. And the short name she has picked is not sustainable in the UK, she will have to keep enforcing it. None of it is sensible or authentic.

I suspect she’s pretending that Eesabella is her “real name” (as opposed to different pronunciation of the same) and doesn’t want you to embarrass her by letting it slip that she’s just regular Isabella to anyone English.

And her English mother gave her an English name and pronounces it the English way.

It is absolutely normal and common for children from multicultural/multilingual backgrounds to have a name that one or both of their parents pronounces a bit differently from how most other people pronounce it in the country where they live.

My husband French. Our daughter's name is Charlotte. It's pronounced very differently in French vs English. He speaks to the children in French all the time anyway, because a) that's his language and b) we want the children to be bilingual. Neither pronunciation is more correct than the other, we deliberately chose a name that exists in both languages. It would sound absolutely ridiculous if he started saying "Charlotte" with an English accent/pronunciation whilst talking French.

She grew up hearing both pronunciations surely?

I mean, she clearly prefers one, but it’s not the same situation as using Norwegian or Irish names like you mentioned earlier.

There are multiple ‘correct’ pronunciations of Isabella and DD grew up with two different versions, one which her mother used and one which her dad and most others used. She has chosen not to identify with one of the pronunciations now, her mother’s one. That’s her choice to make, of course, but a lot of people in her situation would be happy to continue to use both names and I do see why OP is hurt.

I think OP needs to try to use the preferred short version for the sake of their relationship, but maybe DD could compromise a little too. Talking (calmly!) usually helps.

But she did give her the English version. Where she ended up living is irrelevant. The pronunciations the name is the pronunciation you give it at the moment you say I want to call her ‘xxx’.

The girl has a father too. Who presumably also had something to do with choosing her name. And who will always have pronounced it Eezabella.

But her mum who named her didn’t give her the Italian version of the name! Her mum named her and intended for her to go by Bella or her full name with the English pronunciation. So her name is actually the English version and her daughter is making herself a new name.

that is totally ok- we are are able to call ourselves what we like but we normally accept other family members might call us something else. I say this as someone who changed the shortened version of my name when I was 18 and pretty much everyone calls me that now. My parents don’t and I wouldn't ever suggest that they did because it wasn’t the name they gave me!

Yes, and OP's daughter is Italian, and grew up (and still lives) in Italy. She is choosing the correct pronunciation because that's what she's grown up hearing. Only one person calls her something different - her British mother. The daughter doesn't associate with that name as, for all intents and purposes, she isn't English.

But she did NOT give her the English version of the name. She wanted to give her the English version, but that went out the window as soon as she raised DD in Italy. OP would be the one and only person in DD’s life insisting on this pronunciation. Her father, grandparents, teachers, friends, everyone her entire life used the Italian way, And btw - OP wasn’t even in the same country from age 16.. so, what say does she get to have exactly?

It doesn’t matter. If someone tells you “this is my name” and you deliberately call them something else you are a jackass. I think the least OP owes her daughter is this small respect. I imagine DD would have her own side of the story on the continued power struggle with her DM.

Yes, and OP's daughter is Italian, and grew up (and still lives) in Italy. She is choosing the correct pronunciation because that's what she's grown up hearing. Only one person calls her something different - her British mother. The daughter doesn't associate with that name as, for all intents and purposes, she isn't English.

But of course, OP, you can call her what you want to.

Whenever my mother calls me or my daughter by our full names, rather than our preferred shortened version, what I'm hearing is 'I don't care about what you want or feel I should or need to respect your wishes, or who you are, it is far more important to asset my 'right' to call you what I wish'.

It makes it very clear to me that there is no respect for me as an individual with opinions and an identity in my own right, I'm merely an offshoot, a reflection of her.

Well it does require an accent, she’s made it clear “isa” isn’t acceptable and I have to say “eesa”.

But her mum who named her didn’t give her the Italian version of the name! Her mum named her and intended for her to go by Bella or her full name with the English pronunciation. So her name is actually the English version and her daughter is making herself a new name.

that is totally ok- we are are able to call ourselves what we like but we normally accept other family members might call us something else. I say this as someone who changed the shortened version of my name when I was 18 and pretty much everyone calls me that now. My parents don’t and I wouldn't ever suggest that they did because it wasn’t the name they gave me!

But her mum who named her didn’t give her the Italian version of the name! Her mum named her and intended for her to go by Bella or her full name with the English pronunciation. So her name is actually the English version and her daughter is making herself a new name.

that is totally ok- we are are able to call ourselves what we like but we normally accept other family members might call us something else. I say this as someone who changed the shortened version of my name when I was 18 and pretty much everyone calls me that now. My parents don’t and I wouldn't ever suggest that they did because it wasn’t the name they gave me!

You’re getting a tough time here OP.

It’s no surprise you’ve dug your heels in - your daughter told you - who picked the name - that you are pronouncing this name wrong! How ignorant, stupid and disrespectful.

It sounds like she’s trying to fully identify with her dad’s heritage and country and wants to sound more exotic than plain old Bella, or Issy. It’s pretentious and she’ll probably be embarrassed when she’s older.

Claiming that no one has called her anything except Isa is a lie. None of her UK friends or teachers would have called her that naturally unless she attempted to enforce it, which would have met with limited success. As an adult, every time she gets a non-social phone call, or called into an appointment they will call her Isabella with the English pronunciation.

A child changing their name is a rejection of their parents’ choice for them, so it will sting. It is also asking something of you that will never feel right or natural. Ultimately, it’s their choice, but she has not been respectful about it at all.

It’s not like she said, “Mum I prefer Isa and it suits me much better. This is what feels right for me and what everyone else is calling me now.” She’s stupidly said you are wrong about your own baby name choice which is incredibly rude, she is blatantly lying/exaggerating about “no one” else calls her that, and it seems like this new insistence is to make herself seem more exotic which is juvenile and may not last. And the short name she has picked is not sustainable in the UK, she will have to keep enforcing it. None of it is sensible or authentic.

I suspect she’s pretending that Eesabella is her “real name” (as opposed to different pronunciation of the same) and doesn’t want you to embarrass her by letting it slip that she’s just regular Isabella to anyone English.

You’re getting a tough time here OP.

It’s no surprise you’ve dug your heels in - your daughter told you - who picked the name - that you are pronouncing this name wrong! How ignorant, stupid and disrespectful.

It sounds like she’s trying to fully identify with her dad’s heritage and country and wants to sound more exotic than plain old Bella, or Issy. It’s pretentious and she’ll probably be embarrassed when she’s older.

Claiming that no one has called her anything except Isa is a lie. None of her UK friends or teachers would have called her that naturally unless she attempted to enforce it, which would have met with limited success. As an adult, every time she gets a non-social phone call, or called into an appointment they will call her Isabella with the English pronunciation.

A child changing their name is a rejection of their parents’ choice for them, so it will sting. It is also asking something of you that will never feel right or natural. Ultimately, it’s their choice, but she has not been respectful about it at all.

It’s not like she said, “Mum I prefer Isa and it suits me much better. This is what feels right for me and what everyone else is calling me now.” She’s stupidly said you are wrong about your own baby name choice which is incredibly rude, she is blatantly lying/exaggerating about “no one” else calls her that, and it seems like this new insistence is to make herself seem more exotic which is juvenile and may not last. And the short name she has picked is not sustainable in the UK, she will have to keep enforcing it. None of it is sensible or authentic.

I suspect she’s pretending that Eesabella is her “real name” (as opposed to different pronunciation of the same) and doesn’t want you to embarrass her by letting it slip that she’s just regular Isabella to anyone English.