Ex husbands demands

WTF? No! Bloody hell.

Yanbu. I would expain you would help him out if you werr available but you are not. It is his problem to solve.

He can try and make you feel bad about it but you know the truth you accommodate him with the driving and he would not do the same for you. Anytime he suggests he would help you tell yourself "no he would not" and not give it anymore thought or engagement.

Oh OP, I wish you’d not sent this! By suggesting a family member, you got involved with solving his problem, it encourages conversation about it and gives you both the impression this is your problem to help solve as well.

it is not your problem to solve.

a breezy “sounds a tricky one if your family won’t be prepared to help out. I’m not available as I’ve got plans that can’t be moved. I’m sure you and [his new wife] will be able to sort something.”

(the obvious answer is whoever is going to pick up her DDs also pick up his dcs. But don’t suggest that, let them think of it.)

for the transport, do you really think he won’t see them if you don’t meet him half way? What a shit dad, personally I’d go the other way with drop offs/pick ups, say you’ll collect them from him and do the full drive back, but he had to do the full drive to collect from you.

She'll be his third wife and if she can't see a red flag when it's waving in her face....🤷🏻‍♀️

You just keep replying “I’m simply unavailable that weekend, that’s just a factual statement nothing more. I am sure you and the kids will enjoy the wedding weekend and I look forward to hearing all about it from the kids in due course.”

She can't pick the children up because she's got a weekend away and tickets booked for a concert. The ex has chosen his weekend for his wedding so it's down to him to sort out childcare. Instead, he's trying to control OP's plans on the day of his third wedding.

I see what you mean. On his wedding id just pick them up but I do do things like this because I grey rock men like this: I don’t give them any argument at all I always just say cool ok whatever and it seems to get to them more haha

I would like to see him doing the same for you!

This
Send up for yourself and stop allowing him to be in control.

"The boot IS on the other foot ex. YOU moved miles away and yet I still have to facilitate getting the DC to you. Your DC WANT to spend more time with you and yet you deny them this.
I have the responsibility for all school runs, sick days, homework, etc etc.
I've been asking you to "help" to parent your children for their entire life and yet you choose to Disney dad them for 36hrs every fortnight instead.
This is YOUR contact time with YOUR children which is already at the bare minimum , please don't reject them again, they really want to be a more central and considered part of your life."

Tough one. Whilst I would love to say absolutely not, chances are he’ll just refuse point blank to have the kids at the wedding leaving you without childcare for the wedding.

If I were you, I’d make it clear that you won’t be the one collecting them and he needs to make his own arrangements. However, I’d be sure to have a backup plan (parents/friend) to have the kids so you can still go out when he inevitably flies off the handle and refuses to have them at all.

What a sad pathetic loser he is 🤷‍♀️

I too feel this might have repercussions for your children.

Just an aside, my ex moved about the same distance away. I didn't drive at the time and there wasn't easy public transport options. It was still court mandated that I do half the journeys to facilitate his contact.
But then my ex was obsessive about controlling me through the court system, it being the only way he could see me after I got a non-mol order in place.

Not sure if that's useful or relevant to you op.

Personally I'd arrange alternative childcare if he's not interested enough to make sure his kids are collected and taken care of during a day any normal person would want their kids part of 💯 not just for a few hours that's ridiculous. It's almost as tho he's trying to involve you why would anyone want theor ex anywhere near their next wedding for any reason particularly when it's like this , sounds like wee minds games on his part. Keep your boundaries op your not available you can't collect them if he's unable to cater for his children for his event that's a him problem. And have that expectation for every other time too if he's willing to let his kids suffer that's not a you issue as much as you want to protect them the foot needs put down. He's sounds narcissistic so it's important your kids see boundaries being implemented this way rather than doing anything to keep the peace that's not your burden to bare the relationship with his kids is on him . It's time you stop catering to his demands.

As an aside, if I were the bride-to-be I’d be quite cheesed off at my groom seemingly spending so
much time and energy fighting with his Ex rather than focusing on the wedding and our future together!

Oh come on, it’s my wedding day?! If the boot was on the other foot you know I would do the same for you as some things are much more important. You’re basically asking someone in my family (who will also be at the wedding) to compromise their own day because you aren’t willing to help me out?

"It's very sad that your family would consider spending time with YOUR children as compromising their day. You have 8 months to sort out a solution to this simplest of issues"

Your kids are going to learn at some point what a shit he is and they may not thank you for lying to him. Stop the driving and just let him fade out of their lives.

It’s not like he’s love’s young dream. It’s his third wedding, there must be a way of having his children there for the evening.
They aren’t toddlers.
Do not budge on this. You have brought important tickets, it’s his weekend, he should have planned to have his wedding on his time if he didn’t want his children there.
What an absolute prince.
Maybe send his new bride a Good Luck card. She’s going to need it!

Don't understand why the children need to leave the wedding at all, they are 10 not toddlers!

Exactly

"Not once have you ever helped me out, nor do I require it. The answer is no and I won't be responding on this issue again."

I'd ask why the kids can't stay at the wedding? My DSS was 8 and stayed the whole night with us, my friend dropped my toddler DD off with a babysitter then came back. I would have hated for the ex to come to our wedding that would just be cruel, I would imagine this is why he's doing it maybe to try make you jealous, control you into seeing him on his wedding.
His ultimatum is the kids don't go to the wedding and you have them and sort childcare out for your evening out, or they go and he sorts a babysitter/they stay there.