Pushed DS out of bed

How exactly would you react if someone was trying to drag you out of bed? What exactly is this teaching a 7 year old, because it’s certainly not a lesson in regulating emotions is it? What is the point of a parent if they escalate emotional outbursts?

As a parent of sen children (and I’m not saying that is the issue here), I’ve had my children hit out at me when trying to get them dressed in the morning. I’d never throw them to the floor in response because that’s abuse. Not sure why it’s acceptable to do so for a (presumably) NT little boy.

I also had a parent who couldn’t control themselves in their anger. I dealt with the consequences of having a bad day, they dealt with the consequences later in life of having children who didn’t want to know them in their last days.

Finally, the voice of reason on this thread. The claims that the DH are abusive are ridiculous.

Yes kids never deserve to be physically abused or assaulted, when they are it is never their fault. I think thats a common belief outside of abusers themselves.

No it isn’t. I wonder where he learned to use violence instead of his words?!

Yes YABU because you are allowing your husband to abuse your son.

Not in the world of MumsNet.

Kids can do anything apparently and it is never their fault.

Exactly, he has to deal with the consequences of his own actions

How utterly vile. Absolutely no excuse or justification for it. Your poor son.

What are you going to do about this to protect your son?

cannot believe people are saying a 7 year old kicking their parent for waking them up is normal behaviour...

I guess it boils down to whether or not you think physically hurting your child is OK.

I know my opinion on the matter.

I think a lot of this comes down to the individual natures of your husband and son as we weren’t in the room and can’t know completely.

Your DH is acting like a child.
I'd be having strong words with him about what he's modelling to your son.
It's not acceptable to kick.. but you don't teach a child to not be violent by being violent towards them. You don't teach a child to regulate their emotions by having absolutely no control over your own.
He needs to take some anger management lessons.
You need to have this serious conversation with him or else when your boy hits his teens you are going to have a complete nightmare on your hands with the pair of them. This is not how you raise calm, responsible, mature children. This is how you raise violent man children who lash out at the slightest provocation.. because that's what your husband is modelling here.

Unless this is totally out of character from your dh, you know the truth, then you need to protect your ds from him.

It's not just a push, it is abuse that causes life long damage.

The son must be learning this violent behaviour from his Dad.

It's perfectly possible that your DH is speaking the truth. I have seen my children greatly elaborate the facts when they are in a foul mood. Only you know your husband. I have tried to pull my children out of bed before and I did pull my teenager out once. That was for literally refusing to get up for school for no good reason other than they wanted to stay sleeping, which wasn't an option. Mornings were horrible and no one's perfect. But it depends on your own situation and what you think happened.

I would go ballistic at this.

Did me zero harm

It did. You think physical abuse is normal. That's harm.

You can't apply the 'running into the road' standard to getting out of bed.

Son shouldn't have kicked your husband but that is never an excuse to physically retaliate. Your son is 7. Id have gone nuts at my husband over that. In fact I'd consider leaving.

Sorry to bring this up but if your son always struggles to get out of bed, then his bedtime needs to be a lot earlier...

And of course, the PPs saying your husband is in the wrong are all correct. @yy99, I'm sorry - that's terrible!

There's a difference between abuse and boundaries. There were things that were categorically not up for discussion.

If a child won't take medicine you bet your ass I'll pin them down and give it to them.

If a child runs for the main road and you reach and yank them back by their arm and it leaves a bruise that's not abuse, it's safety.

Yelling or restraining a child trying to get out of a car seat at speed is not abuse.

Getting out of bed wasn't a discussion. They had to get to work or could lose their jobs. I had to go to school. If I didn't get ready after being upended from bed that's fine, I'd be carried to the car and dropped off in my pyjamas. Refused breakfast? Dropped off without eating.

Did me zero harm, I was never randomly punched out of anger etc. I was not abused. I learnt where the boundaries were and consequences of actions.

Yea my mum did stuff like this when I was a kid, over very minor things. I was a decent kid, I wasn't naughty, was good at school.

But I'd get punched, slapped, ragged around for any minor delay or slight inconvenience to my mum.

I grew up afraid of people, I was a teenager terrified of telling my parents anything. I hardly speak to them now and moved to get away.

I am now a very damaged adult, constantly in fear of upsetting anyone. It's like I spend my life walking on eggshells.

All because my mum thought it was okay to give me a punch or rag me by the arm for stuff like not getting my shoes on quick enough.

I feel for your son.

Likewise. If I kicked my dad, I'd have had a hard whack for sure.

Do I think I was abused.... no.

I read these comments from MNers, who haven't even got the full story and are immediately branding the dad an abuser and can understand why there are so many unparented feral children out on the streets these days

Do you identify that as the very poor parenting it was? Do you plan to parent the same way?

If I refused to get out the bed I'd have had the duvet pulled off first. If I'd dared kick a parent they would have picked up the edge of the mattress and upended me onto the floor and grounded me. Staying in bed wasn't an option. Literally would have been dragged out by my ankle if needed.

All of this.