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AIBU?

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Original poster

The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

634 replies

crazymomma93 · 20/01/2025 19:22

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

OP posts:
madamweb · 20/01/2025 19:47

Very hard to say without knowing what the book is/why it made her uncomfortable?

SodOffbacktoaibu · 20/01/2025 19:47

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Or me. Fucking hell. Thanks for sharing that!

MissTrip82 · 20/01/2025 19:47

What’s making her uncomfortable? Is it something personal to her experience?

By 12, an intelligent child would normally be reading adult novels as well as those written for children. I’m not sure how a recommended age is relevant here.

AgnesX · 20/01/2025 19:47

LuckyOrMaybe · 20/01/2025 19:41

Thanks for following up on something like this. I was older than her, maybe 14-15, when I had massive problems with the content of one of our English texts. I needed a huge amount of support to complete homework on it, and my mother's involvement liaising with the teacher about the difficulties was really important. The teacher would not have been in a position to really understand without information about my primary school experiences.

I do think at 12 it is reasonable to say, if a child is uncomfortable with the content of a book they don't need to be forced to read it. By 16+, yes it might be reasonable to expect them to read difficult stuff and discuss why it is difficult (though personally I think some types of content should not be thrown at teenagers in exam years, for the sake of their mental health!). In between there is a learning curve where you gradually extend students and take them out of their comfort zone.

Which one? I'm fascinated by this as in my day (when I were a lass) we had to get on with it. There were a few I didn't enjoy but parents just didn't get involved.

JustKeepSw1mming · 20/01/2025 19:46

Wuthering Heights?
To Kill a Mockigbird?

IHateBakedBeans · 20/01/2025 19:46

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Please don't write stuff like that. That's really distressing.

daliesque · 20/01/2025 19:46

Isn't reading something that makes you feel uncomfortable a good thing for teenagers? It's hardly likely to be hard porn is it.

MurdoMunro · 20/01/2025 19:46

Blimey O’Riley

marshartist · 20/01/2025 19:46

We need to know the book and the specific reason it’s making her feel uncomfortable (and why you’re so angry about this situation), or else we can’t comment! Loads of children’s /YA books deal with very difficult topics, for example… and once she is studying for GCSEs she will have to study books/plays/poems that deal with the extreme emotions and events of human life…

RedSkyDelights · 20/01/2025 19:46

I'm another wondering if there was more to this story.

Was the response part of a much longer reply, for instance?

Butchyrestingface · 20/01/2025 19:46

Your random capitalisation (among other things) makes me think you could probably benefit from the attentions of your daughter's English teacher.

Mind how you go.

ClockingOffers · 20/01/2025 19:45

Judging by your own level of grammar and spelling, you really should persuade your DD to carry on with her English classes. 😳

Christmasjoy6 · 20/01/2025 19:45

crazymomma93 · 20/01/2025 19:22

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

And we wonder why we can’t get teachers in our schools.

sjs42 · 20/01/2025 19:44

“It’s just words” is an absolutely ridiculous justification. You get deletions on MN for certain things - but they could all be under the umbrella of “just words”. How about if your dd started peppering her sentences with swear words in this class and then, when told not to, replied: “it’s just words”.

that said I don’t think I would have got into it with the school on this. A 12yo is old enough to know most things. It’s hard to comment further without knowing which book your post refers to.

Talipesmum · 20/01/2025 19:43

I’m confused by your daughter being told she can read another book. Are they not studying it as a class? Is it just a private reading thing?

Books should challenge you, which can make you feel uncomfortable. This isn’t necessarily bad - but it does depend how far out and why. No one would give a book with sexual assault in it to a 9 year old. But you might well have a book with some threat, violence, harming eg of women in a book for a younger teen, depending on how it’s portrayed, if anyone is helping them understand what’s going on, etc.

Edit - and the just words quote. Really going to depend on the bigger context of what else was being said. And absolutely not to calling the tutor a cunt.

SemperIdem · 20/01/2025 19:43

The “just words” comment from an English teacher, of all people, would irritate me.

However - books taught as part of the curriculum are often intended to be challenging, that is the point.

What is the book?

NormasArse · 20/01/2025 19:43

Fluffyholeysocks · 20/01/2025 19:41

But whatever your opinion you do not refer to her English Tutor as a 'cunt'.

Show quote history

I’m pretty sure that was to illustrate that ‘just words’ can shock.

AgnesX · 20/01/2025 19:43

There are so many....she's going to have her work cut out finding a book that won't make her feel "uncomfortable"...🙄

My bet is Lord of the Flies....

LunaNorth · 20/01/2025 19:43

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Agreed. And yet, here I am with that very mental image.

So thanks for that.

mealienpleasehelp · 20/01/2025 19:43

Fluffyholeysocks · 20/01/2025 19:41

But whatever your opinion you do not refer to her English Tutor as a 'cunt'.

Show quote history

See my previous point.

Fluffyholeysocks · 20/01/2025 19:41

mealienpleasehelp · 20/01/2025 19:39

I get the sense this is yet another thread where the majority of posters follow the sentiments of the first couple of comments.

I'm an English teacher myself and agree that "it's just words" - if that's what she actually said - is dismissively flippant and, yes, brainless.

You really don't come across as "that mum".

YANBU

But whatever your opinion you do not refer to her English Tutor as a 'cunt'.

mealienpleasehelp · 20/01/2025 19:41

Also OP, I get your point about calling her a cunt.

People ranting about you being deranged and overreacting are being a bit thick imho.

LuckyOrMaybe · 20/01/2025 19:41

Thanks for following up on something like this. I was older than her, maybe 14-15, when I had massive problems with the content of one of our English texts. I needed a huge amount of support to complete homework on it, and my mother's involvement liaising with the teacher about the difficulties was really important. The teacher would not have been in a position to really understand without information about my primary school experiences.

I do think at 12 it is reasonable to say, if a child is uncomfortable with the content of a book they don't need to be forced to read it. By 16+, yes it might be reasonable to expect them to read difficult stuff and discuss why it is difficult (though personally I think some types of content should not be thrown at teenagers in exam years, for the sake of their mental health!). In between there is a learning curve where you gradually extend students and take them out of their comfort zone.

heyhopotato · 20/01/2025 19:41

This reply has been deleted

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beadystar · 20/01/2025 19:40

I also need to know the book.