The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

@Gwenhwyfar - that sounds like Z is for Zachariah. We had to read that too!

But you said YOU didn’t read scary or upsetting books. So what did they find for you to read?

The child is 12....
There is quite a big difference between 12 and 16...

As I said to the other poster, most of those books are a walk in the park compared with some of the books aimed at kids today.

I didn't find Jane Eyre or the Picture of Dorian Grey upsetting at 14 though. When did you read them?

Why is everyone on here insane tonight ?

What a massive fuss and over reaction.
She didn’t want to read the book as it upset her. She now doesn’t have to. Problem solved.

Teacher may have been a bit back handed but they are correct. It is only a book - no need to dwell on it further.

I don’t think your being unreasonable they also tend to age down in books when they need to analyse and critique it.

I had this same thought! Hardly the Great Literature of our language...

I don't think any of those books are anywhere near the sort of thing aimed at children today.

We didn't read scary or upsetting books? Really, never? From 12-18 no The Chrysalids, Jane Eyre, Village of the Damned, Picture of Dorian Grey, Z for Zachariah? You missed out.

I think you've made some really good points here but I also think that there's a limit.

I agree, I would have started with reading the book myself or finding out in more detail about what DD was struggling with in particular and having a conversation.

However, I don't think we should just assume that children should be able to deal with any kind of book, regardless of the theme. We don't all have the same tolerances for everything and some books could be too challenging - especially if it's a trigger point for you personally.

Since I can remember, I have been interested and enjoy reading books that include murder, death, and medical themes. I've been fascinated by them, truth be told. But I really struggle with books that have strong themes of loss, grief and bereavement, and I hate horror/paranormal themes.

I love books and I love reading. I always have. But I have a visceral reaction to what I read. I can remember reading a biography of a man who died from AIDS in the 80s, and I put down the book and quite literally sobbed my heart out.

So I think yes, books are useful to teach our children about the world, about history, and for fiction, to provide insight and to support emotional development. But I don't think that means that every child should have to endure reading something that they find personally really difficult. For example, a child who has been SA might have a very different threshold for someone who hasn't, likewise a child who's lost a parent recently/traumatically, etc.

I just don't really agree with the notion that books are "just words" and that we should all be able to endure every book, even if it is age-appropriate. Some books are just really difficult, for a variety of reasons, and I think it's unhelpful to insist that words are meaningless.

(Might be worth mentioning that I'm autistic/ADHD and I tend to experience really big second-hand emotions so that might explain why I get overwhelmed when reading sometimes!)

What a nonsense - don’t expect your child to pass GCSE - unless you back off.

I didn't realise it until this thread (doh), but there is a theme here, on MN generally, isn't there?

We didn't read scary books or upsetting books. And not all parents allow their dc to watch awful stuff online, amazingly enough.

How did your school find books that were neither scary nor upsetting? Or are you perhaps misremembering?

Texts I read / studied at school from infant school to pre-GCSE included:

Charlotte’s Web
Black Beauty
Watership Down
The Silver Sword
Children of the Dust
Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH
To Kill A Mockingbird
An Inspector Calls
Jane Eyre

None of which are exactly smiley, happy texts.

Regardless of the book, though, I’m surprised the teacher allowed OP’s DC to opt out. We wouldn’t have been allowed to opt out of a text taught in class, and didn’t have assigned reading books at that age otherwise - if we didn’t like one we’d got from the school library, we’d just return it; no need for teacher involvement at all.

Agree!

I was talking about Emile Zola - do you think his books are relentlessly upsetting? So, for eg, Germinal?

I read the book. Totally fine for a 12 year old.

What tv shows are you referring to? Just wondering

It hasn’t been “easy” for @crazymomma93 s daughter and that can be recognised.

Zola is pretty relentlessly upsetting, no??

I live in Sweden and Eve of Man is recommended for 12-15 year olds.

What do you mean by the book is rated 14+? I've never seen Waterstones staff asking for ID. Books aren't films, they aren't classed officially as only allowed to be read by certain ages.

You might find some information relating to the 'reading' age of the book, but that's more the do with the level of vocabulary etc. someone would need to read it rather than the content. Most schools will want their pupils reading something challenging, so may choose to ignore these.

I’ve read the book a while ago. It’s not the best book in the world no. I would have thought it was fine for a 12 year old but there could be way better dystopian novels for them to choose from.

I think you’re overreacting op. You emailed the teacher and your child can now choose another book. ‘ they’re just words’ was possibly meant to reassure your daughter. When my son watched a scary film that he then regretted watching I reminded him ‘it’s just actors and a film set’ to remind him it wasn’t real

@crazymomma93 mumsnetters must have really short memories, because when we were children we all watched TV shows that were above our age rating and no harm was done. I feel embarassed that someone would lose their shit over a 12 year old reading a 14+ book.

When were you born? Between 12 - 18 we read either classics like Austen, Dickens, Zola, etc etc, or books aimed at... OC - older children - 12 - 18 year olds. You can still even buy them now. In my day, whole book stores had shelves cram packed with them.

We didn't read scary books or upsetting books. And not all parents allow their dc to watch awful stuff online, amazingly enough.

The world is going to be a divided place in the future maybe - those who were protected from graphic and age inappropriate material as children who have good mental health and those who were not whose mental health will be shot. I am guessing some countries around the world will do better than others in this respect.

My niece had an issue with secondary school physics, her mum (my sister) spoke to the teacher who had been in the job since I went to the same school 15years earlier. He totally fobbed her off and said “physics doesn’t matter anyway” He had no passion, didn’t really care about the kids interest in physics etc. My sister escalated it to the head teacher- the physics teacher was completely non-nurturing (for lack of better term) and had basically stopped caring about the topic he was teaching! He was pushed out/jumped later that year.
In spite of him- my niece ended up with a 1st class degree in ‘physics with medical applications’ and is now studying her masters- it’s all a bit complicated for me but she is studying how to deliver specific and targeted radiotherapy etc etc 🤷🏻‍♀️! She is only 22 and has had many amazing teachers since this idiot who have really encouraged her and made a big impact!
Sounds like your daughters teacher may have lost her passion for literature!!! And isn’t really putting in much effort with that response! She could have said “ok stop reading but can you write a report about the feelings it evoked/why you’ve felt this way” to turn it into a more positive learning experience 🤷🏻‍♀️