to think DH is being completely unfair about this?

He’s not a good dad. Or a good husband, or even a good person. A good person doesn’t treat the person they’re supposed to love like a skivvy.

However, you need to stop being a doormat too. Tell him he has to do his own bloody laundry or just stop doing it- if you keep doing it for him he’ll keep letting you!

Someone as selfish as him won’t change of their own free will- he needs a shock. Stop running round after him, and tell him if he doesn’t step up you’ll leave and then he’ll have to do 50% of everything whether he likes it or not.

So he won't watch the kids whilst you shop, he won't come with you all / go alone and he doesn't want you to do an online shop?

I mean this isn't just leaving you to do the lions share, this is actively making your life harder.

And this is just one example?

Yes, he's being completely unfair. He's getting away with it. Start putting things for yourself on the calendar and leave him to it.

@intpark21 definitely get a delivery. Doesn’t like the subs? Off he trots then (with the kids preferably). Don’t fold/put away his clothes - sort yours and the kids. And so on.

I think it is very unfair - I think you should become the main breadwinner and work full-time and let your husband work part-time. Then you can do what he is doing now - recharging batteries.

Your husband is an arse. I’m the main breadwinner. DH works 3 days part time. We divide the housework chores on the weekend equally, and similarly during the week. He does the night wakes on the nights he’s not up early for the work commute and home with our daughter and I do the weekend and one day during the week. The way he thinks is so strange.

‘ Kids daddy’s not coming shopping today, it’s just us’ or ‘we’ll go to the park today but daddy won’t be coming’ in front of him. It’s somewhat petty but it’ll hammer it home. I also agree with all of the solutions above except just watch the ‘you going to do what you want to do whenever you can’ thing- tried it and dh continued with his going off too which just ended in the family not being together as a whole enough. (But do you time of course!)

He's fine having a nice time with his kids, reading a story etc. The reason he is 'good' at that stuff is because it's nice and relaxing. But the actual horrid or relentless stuff like shopping/cooking/cleaning/laundry ... f that. He is not doing that. That's your job.

I would say 'we need to get a cleaner who also does the laundry'. And I would do grocery shopping all online. I would look after the kids and cook, that's it.

He can't have it both ways.

Either:

A) looking after kids isn't work and therefore he'll be happy to do it while you go out and enjoy yourself/ go to Tesco alone or whatever.

Or B) childcare IS work, in which case he needs to share the housework load with you as you are working FT too.

Which is it?

Try have a rational discussion that after he gets home childcare and chores are 50:50. On weekend you get a day to sleep in and take it easy, he gets the other weekend day.
if he doesn’t get it, he can start doing his own laundry, cook his own food etc since it’s downtime according to him.

I agree with this. I'd also make some plans and tell him how it is, the way that he does. So for example, "Next Saturday I'm going for lunch with my mate. I'll be gone from 11.30am to 2pm." Then write it on the wall calendar and add it on his Google calendar and whatnot. Please do not go down the "Do you mind if I go...?" route. This gives him the false idea that he's in charge of your free time and you need his permission. And that just because he does a few more hours of paid work than you? Fuck that!

Why do post like these always proclaim the guy is ‘a good dad’. He isn’t a good dad. At all.

You work 2 days a week? I would say that it should be split 50/50 on weekends as you’re both home. In the evenings, you should both be sitting down at the same time so leave that stuff to the weekend or try and get it done during the day. I don’t blame him for not wanting to fold laundry at 9pm. I’m surprised you want to too.

I was a SAHM for three years when my kids were small. I religiously got up early on a Saturday morning and drove to a local city where I would have breakfast and lunch out and wander the shops in peace. My DH was happy to stay with the kids for the day and it kept me sane in the early days. I never went mad spending money but I really needed the time to have that weekly break. I hope you find a solution but don’t feel guilty, you are doing your fair share. 💐

Oh god OP…why do people put up with such shit men? You know this is unfair but you’re just doing it. Why? The first time he came home and refused to just muck in, didn’t you tell him to fucking sort himself out?

I work PT, my DH works more than FT. My kids are at school. But when he comes home, he does whatever needs doing. I’ll try my best to make our lives easier. I’ll do the shop, I’ll usually cook dinner, keep the house clean, washing etc. but when he’s back, I’m pretty much done. In fact, if we’re both home - like right now(!) he’s usually the one doing jobs, not me. He’s saying goodnight to the kids now, I’m on the sofa… I’m trying to redress the balance for all the crap husbands I read about on here.

Oh and we have a rule. If one person is doing the job and the other person wants to criticise them for how they are doing it - well they can fucking do it themselves. I wouldn’t put up with anyone telling me HOW to do the shop, or any domestic task.

I’ve said this before: one up, all up.

This assumes you don’t spend your day watching TV doing fuck all, but the juggle of home life and child rearing.

Every time he sits down, join him.

Work office hours only, or tell him to get his lazy ass up.

Yep, ignore him. If he wants a task done a certain way, then he does it himself.
He doesn't want a Tesco delivery because of the substitutions? Fine, he can go to Tesco himself. Otherwise, if you're doing it, do the bloody delivery if you want to.
He doesn't want to help with folding the laundry? Fine, he can have his own laundry in a bundle in the basket, you fold your own.
Sorry but if he won't accept an adult discussion of how to fairly share the load, then he'll learn the hard way.

He's being very selfish

Why is it clear?

Yeah, might be worth pointing out to him that as things stand, you'd get more time off childcare if the two of you split up. I would certainly be looking at going back to working full time.

Also either you or DH go shopping during the evening once the kids are in bed (or get a delivery).

Its so much nicer going around the shops when it’s quiet.

Clearly she's not in nursery full time

Whatever hours he works, is his working hours.

You work the same hours when it comes to childcare and housework.

Evenings and weekends are 50/50.

There’s absolutely no reason why they shouldn’t be anything else.