to think DH is being completely unfair about this?

If I were working 5 days a week, I would expect my part-time spouse to do most of the housework
What do you use your days off to do?
You need to be doing shopping on-line.

Ugh. Fucking men

It really depends. If your kids are in childcare/school and you have 3 days in the week ‘off’ you should be able to get all the housework done. If your kids are at home your job is childcare and the housework should be shared more evenly (if your kids nap you could get some done then etc. so maybe not 50:50).

I assume you have the children when you aren’t working, yes? So you are saving the household money by not working and doing childcare.
You might not be bringing money in but you are saving it. He is only being a great dad as hes had time to relax and recharge at your expense.

Do the online shop. If he isn’t happy, he can do it.
Dont cook or clean for him. If your “job” is the kids, that doesn’t include him.

so, he works more hours outside of the house than you do. if you're doing housework and childcare in the time you've got back, and he's still working, then when he comes back, you've both worked the same amount of time, and anything that needs doing outside of that time should be equally his responsibility.

3 brief comments. There is an American game called Fair Play and you and your partner use it to help you think about who does what to even things up. (There is also a documentary you can watch to go along with it).

Second the ons website has a calculator to calculate how much it would cost your partner to hire in the roles you are doing- so child care, cleaning, cooking etc. It'll astound you.

Lastly, buy one large laundry basket per person- when clothes are dry, throw each person's in plus one for linen etc and then present to them. If your husband wants it folded he can or he can throw into a drawer or live out of a basket. When children are old enough they can put away there's.

He's taking the p155

He is taking the piss just like my ex did for years. I’ve recently separated and I feel so free.
Take the time off, have yourself scheduled me time, have a pamper bath and lock the door don’t ask for it take it until he gets used to it. Go for long walk by yourself and do not ask for it.

This!

So he work 40 hours a week and you work 168 hours a week as there is no clocking off from parenting. Entitled prick

On this post I have a suggestion for you. I know it will mean more work for you initially but I'm looking at playing the long game.

Keep a record of everything, and I mean everything (including how many times you get to go to the loo by yourself), that you do in a full week. And do the same for your DH.

After a week, sit down and show it to him.

He can't argue with facts. You're not exaggerating or being unfair here. You're just stating facts. If he shuts down when you bring this stuff up, you say "I'm not dealing with a man-child here. I expect you to be an adult and I'm no longer looking after you now. You can fend for yourself. When you become an adult, and realise just how much I do around here and how little time I get vs how much time you get, we'll review the situation". Then stop doing stuff for him. Don't include him in the pot for dinner, don't do his laundry, don't shop for him. He steps up and gets his act together or you'll take the next step which will no doubt be separation.

He's a disgrace as an example to his kids - "here kids, you too can get a woman to run herself ragged by doing everything for you after a 'hard day's work' and this is how you do it" - that's the example he's setting and you're setting because you're enabling him.

Get the food shop delivered or do click and collect (and go for a coffee first).

Food shopping is a chore, it’s not down time. So even if he is in charge of the kids whilst you shop this doesn’t count towards your time, (same for showering, cleaning etc)

I would just make plans and tell him. Just checking we don’t have plans on x as I’m going to do Y. I’d like a lie in tomorrow so can you get up with the kids, feed them x for breakfast (shouldn’t have to do this but… and you might have to ask him to get up in the morning as hell feign sleep but stay strong.) I’d find a weekly activity too. I use to go costa for a hot chocolate and a read so I cud have an early evening off when my older two were young!

split evening jobs. Do you want to clean up after dinner or get the kids ready for bed? Obv harder if he is at the gym! But if he goes two evenings you get two evenings…

Please don't assume all men are like your DH. Plenty out there who pull their weight

one tip i learned from friends who instigated an actual routine (with timetable and "chore chart" for every member of the household)

Make sure if you do a "one lie-in each per weekend" that you take Saturday.

So he's yet another man who thinks having kids means he should have to do less than if he was a single man? Single people have to work and do their own housework, why does he think having two children means he has less on his plate?
He clearly shouldn't have had children, it doesn't sound like he even spends much time with them.

The quickest way for a short sharp dose of reality is to up and leave for a weekend and have not shopped.
He thinks it so bloody easy to shop and cook for children, let him crack on.

My friend did exactly that and when she returned she told him she would be doing it again next month to even up his down time.

Likewise friends whose husbands thought it was reasonable to golf on a Saturday were left on sundays with children to mind.

Talking is bullshit and a waste of time with men like this, action is what counts.

No laundry or cooking.
Do nothing that makes their life easier.
Leave them with the children every chance you get, even if it means sitting innthe car with a book, coffee, phone and power bank and have a snooze.

You are wasting time with words, actions every time.

He won't "let" me get an online shop? If this is a real person then bloody hell woman up. Just do the online shop. He doesn't like it he goes to Tesco himself. He's not forcing you there at gun point is he? Get a grip

I've noticed this with loads of threads lately.

1. Send out the laundry & ironing
2. Get a cleaner once a week
3. One lie in each at a weekend
4. Whoever shops - the other keeps the kids
5. Your job is currently bringing up his children - not cleaner-cook/laundry maid and chef.
6. If this list causes a fight.

Either do back to work full time & get a nanny that you pay for on a percentage basis with your salaries or tell him to step the fuck up or fuck off.
He will Not change voluntarily.

I had one like this - I checked into a hotel for a week. It was bloody hard and I missed my kids & he had to phone in sick. But I was losing my self & sanity.
It worked.

OP's responses are mechanical and AI bot AF!

Dear god, don't have more children with him no matter what bullshit he tries to feed you.
He will never change.
He certainly doesn't love you.

Real love isn't words when you share children.
It is working as a team, sharing the lie-ins, wanting to do whatever you can so that it is reasonably even and that neither feels overwhelmed.
Not perfect all the time, not even near it, but at least feeling that the person you share a home with isn't intent on screwing you over until you are ground down and broken.

You and your children deserve so much better than this loser.
Talk to Women's aid.
He is abusing you and controlling you.

Tell him you're going back to work full time.

Ask him who's going to look after the children and the house in the evenings and at the weekends, oh, and get them to/from childcare, since obviously you, too, will be entitled to sit around and do fuck all as you'll be 'unwinding' from work, too.

Wait for his answer. Insist upon one.

So he can go do the shopping in person, then.

I think your problem is you're acting like, and he obviously thinks, that all these things to do are yours, and you're wanting help/support with 'your' jobs.

There not, its all joint, but the mistake you're making is asking permission, he's never going to offer, you give him no choice, tell him you're going out and when, and with a reasonable amount of notice and go.

I Bet he dosent ask if he can go to the gym!? Nor should he. And you need to act the same.

Alternatively tell him your going full time at work and you need to sit down and do a list of what needs doing to split fairly.

Please do not start trying to make shopping fun as you said, that's again treating him like a little kid.

People will treat you how you let them get away with treating you.

Apologies if I sound abrupt but reading things like this makes me quite angry, I'm also on my one night a month away from the kids ( away with work), 3 drinks down and forgot my glasses so just bashing at the keyboard hoping I make a bit of sense.