to think DH is being completely unfair about this?

leave the dc its him and go to the supermarket for 3 hours, most have a nice coffee shop

when you get back all recharged if he says anything - say its not work you know

Another weaponised incompetent man child who believes women are there to do the housework, what a wanker, I had one of these - wanted a round of applause if he so much as put a cup away, unfortunately it rarely changes he will always see you as the lesser person

You need to get your rage on, TELL him what he will be doing and if he doesn't do it then u stop doing all his chores. Once he has to make his own meals, do his own food shop clean his own smelly washing, including iron, fold and put away then he might see what you do. Then , you book a weekend away with your mates/family/self and have your own downtime . He's a selfish lazy tear but you are enabling him by allowing it. This is not normal relationship stuff. Just cos they work 37 hours a week means nothing when u have a home wife and kids. Selfish.

You need to break it down for him what it's gonna look like when you leave his ass and he is doing all his own chores plus having the kids on his own several evenings a week and every other weekend.

And this is why more women file for divorce than men.
I stopped shopping in a shop when I found out delivery existed. Ocado do mad substitutions but you can hand them back. Waitrose have a button for no subs. I'm surprised tesco are so poor.
However compared to your useless husband tesco are the epitome of wonderful at least they do something to contribute in a positive way.

How it's going OP?

It sounds like not only is he not an equal parent - he's treating you like an employee who not only has to do everything, but also has to do everything the way he thinks it should be done ...

In the nicest possible way, wake up. He’s making the weekly shop your problem and then criticising how you choose to do it? F**k that.
Presumably he’s also making it your problem to meal plan, buy the food and cook?
Ocado. Substitutions are bang on or on a rare occasion nothing but not since Covid. Yes it’s more expensive but you can always do a monthly shop for own brand stuff in bulk elsewhere.

Personally I’d just go full time, buy in help for cleaning and laundry and the cost of childcare and help comes out of the family pot.

The alternative is you find things that become solely his responsibility and can do them when he wants.

Id also arrange an all day unavoidable commitment on a weekend so you can breeze in at 9pm, ask him how his day off was and whether he got everything on the list from Tesco. Lazy sh*t

What days off? I was a SAHM for a time and didn’t have a single day off

Get a full time job as this arrangement isn’t working for you and ask him how he wants to split the household stuff

I would remind him that if you divorce he gets to clean his own house, do his own laundry and cook his own dinner even if he has been at work all day and on top of that he has to do all of the above plus drop offs and pick ups from nursery and school for dc as well as bath time and bed time for 1/2 the week

Swap - you go and earn and he will stay at home as a sahd!

I’d definitely recommend doing your Tesco shopping online to be delivered.
Have a conversation about how you need him to share the household chores a bit more and that you also need time off from working and taking care of the children.
If he’s unwilling to help around the house, can you get a cleaner??
I’ve always worked part time since our son was born and have done almost all of the housework, laundry, cooking, etc. I’ve resented it at times but accepted that is how it is for now… interestingly we’re both now running our own business and working similar amounts yet it’s still me doing most of the housework stuff, cooking and childcare!
It’s honestly not worth the arguments that would occur to try to get him to pull his weight. Maybe next time I’ll make better choices 🤣

why dont you shop in the week when kids in school / nursery or go in the eve, no reason to drag screaming kids around the supermarket!

But yes, he needs to help at weekends

Mothers load 🤣 seriously though - I was in the same position as you - partner worked full time me part time - he would go out every Tuesday and Thursday night - pub straight from work on a Friday - out watching football or rugby on weekend. If I was going somewhere he would always come back late to take over with kids. I spent most of my time resenting him and arguing my case it made me want to punch his face in! He shaped up in the end after I made him leave for a few days - realised he was a selfish *nob who would end up in his own! Kids are older now and I think he regrets how he was back then. My advice is kick him in to touch or go on strike!

Oh and fwiw my job is really stressful. I don't stop, lots of responsibilities...

So I'm in his position as DH is part time. I work long hours when I'm working so I do relax in the evenings (although I get up and make the kids breakfast so it's not like I do nothing, but I don't help loads round the house on a weekday). On the weekend though I wouldn't dream of making regular plans and if anything DH has more time 'off' because he's with the kids more during the week. I WOULD NOT DREAM of making plans every weekend and I always check DH is OK with it if I'm going out with friends as he needs to plan childcare around it. Your children are younger than mine too. Your DH is taking the piss. Whip him into line (although he's just made me look great, please thank him, I think of myself as quite lazy compared to DH)

When I had a 2 year old I started doing click and collect. That way I could refuse substitutions or know if something was going to be missing then I could plan a quick dive into another shop if needed..most the time all was OK. I found asda more reliable than Tesco

He needs to do more.... even when I was on maternity leave my husband still did the cooking, helping with washing, general tidying. Even more so when I was working part time with 2 children because of the mental load as well as everything else.

This was my relationship. It's now over. I am now a single mum and have half the workload! I'm not suggesting you split up but make it clear that you won't be a slave. Next time youre going to tesco he can watch the kids or you just won't be going. If you allow it he will carry on!

hows it going now @intpark21 did you talk and did he actually listen.

If he's going to be a childish, selfish prick about everything then he doesn't get to dictate where or how you do the shopping! Order it to be delivered - anything to make your 'job' a little easier. You need to start pushing back - he's taking the piss. And he's not a good dad if he's treating you like a domestic slave, minimising your feelings & opinions and only has his kids in small doses!!

But when she’s not in paid employment, she’s working doing childcare! Why does that translate to him getting evenings and weekends off and she doesn’t?

and cooking, cleaning up after meals etc still has to happen at the weekend. Why does she have to do it and he doesn’t? What has her PT got to do with family labour when they’re both home?

Tell him you’re going back to work full time so you can have weekends off to recharge and go to the gym etc. Tell him he needs to sit down with you and agree split of household chores, shopping, laundry etc Then everything is 50/50 fair because funnily enough he has 50% responsibility for the kids/house/marriage!

Is working part time affecting your work / career?

Is his career benefitting from you being at home more?

If I were working part time to spend time with my kids, I’d spend time with my kids. The 5yo prob goes to school but I assume the 2yo is home with the op. There is no way I’d do all or even most of the housework in two days at home doing the school run for my 5yo and parenting my 2yo. I’d definitely do some; which the op does. And if my dp was grumpy about minding the dc while I shopped but didn’t want me to shop online he would do the shop every week for a month with both dc with him. I think he’d have to apologise very genuinely at the end of the month or that could stay his permanent Saturday activity too, that’s called fucking around and finding out.

I have experienced similar. I am learning to down tools at the weekend (don’t put washing on, hoover, clean). On my non-working days during the week m, I do house related stuff until he arrives home. Then I expect him to share (helping kids with homework, Cook dinner, bedtimes, run kids to classes). For a while DH became a master of avoidance (went swimming 1x week after work, pub 1xweek, kids football training 1 x week. This left me with the lions share at home on evenings and weekends. He just thought that as I was home most nights and weekends, (because I was too tired or thought homework and bedtimes for the DC were more important than my needs)* *that he had free rein to make other arrangements and he didn’t proactively do the mental load stuff (like understanding what is happening at school /homework etc and needs supporting). I tried talking about it (was perceived by him as my martyrdom or my frustration at not having hobbies like him). I tried being more vocal (asked him to do his hobbies/pub nights at better times and not come home late on school nights). These approaches had a marginal impact. I started actually noting to myself how much he and I were contributing to the family each day. It was very unbalanced and heading towards him becoming an exDH as I was pretty hacked off. Not particularly relevant, but before anyone asks, we earn and contribute to finances equally. So now, another approach: I have my own hobbies (1x week night), other is only 1x monthly. If he is out at the weekends doing a hobby, so am I (even if that is taking DC to cinema, it beats washing clothes and cleaning the house). This has by far had the most impact (there is no magical weekend clearance of the the Friday night takeaway, no magical disappearing school uniform ironing pile, everything is where it was left the night before). When he is busy with hobbies at weekends and evenings (or out with a dc) so am I. If the kids are occupied and he is watching tv, I read a book. If the kids need occupying, I get him involved (or take the dog for a walk so he has to deal with it).
I feel so much better and he pulls his weight more (because he has too). If he hasn’t been around much because of his hobbies, I might put my feet up for a couple of hours on my non-working days and watch tv without feeling guilty. Sounds pedantic and it is is, but it does work for me.

There is a method you could try to make sure you both get down time that involves setting up 2 jars and putting an equal number of marbles (3-5) in each. If DH goes out (to the gym, to the pub, for a run, to play sport, meet friends etc) then he takes a marble out of his jar and puts it in yours. If you go out, you take a marble out of your jar and put it in his. When you have no more marbles in your jar, you can't go out - it is the other parent's turn to go out for some down time. It is a visual way of reminding your DH that you haven't had any time to yourself (school runs, food shops and ferrying DC to clubs don't count as you "going out")

Maybe try that?