Things it took you far to long to work out (or admit)

That I was gay.
I was late twenties.
I was obsessed with a girl at school when we were about ten.
I was in love with my best friend as a child.
I slept with women on and off all the time as an adult.

I dated men, had sex with men (most of them utter scum, looking back!) but always felt there was something wrong with me as it never felt right and I only ever got some slight enjoyment from sex if the man knew what to do with his fingers, never from PIV or anything else, I found most men's habits, smells and bodies anything from revolting to 'meh'.

I question myself as to why it took me so long. I am an intelligent person (M.A, professional yadda yadda). I am not a complete idiot. But I just didn't know and never questioned it.

It hit me like a tonne of bricks one day walking down the street. I'd recently began seeing a woman from work, although I was still living with my boyfriend (who knew and couldn't care less, if that's important!)

I thought I'd gone mad.

Also, that I was a lot more intelligent than my abusive father had me beleive. I wish I'd have gone for a career I wanted-I look at people with interesting jobs in the fields I'd have been so suited to and wonder whimsically on. As a child, I didn't really 'see' life or a future, I just wanted to survive and get through the next day. As a young adult I believed I was really quite thick and just picked a degree that I knew I could do that sounded easy.

It does make me wonder. But I am doing my best now.

As shallow as it sounds, I didn't believe I was anything to look at either. I was and am. This played a huge factor in me letting men treat me like crap over the years (not that I am saying anyone conventionally unattractive deserves that, of course, but for me I was just so low on myself and didn't believe I was anything, and looks was a part of that).

That my ‘d’h really is self-absorbed, selfish and entitled, controlling and fundamentally sexist. I did know to some degree actually but didn’t quite realise the extent to which he would ignore issues affecting me as long as he was all right. I did not realise the extent to which he would be willing to throw my economic life under a bus. I think a lot of women don’t grasp the fact that for men there is a very low bar on behaviour and merely not being habitually violent is not enough. I’ve never come across a man who valued women’s time and work equally.

It's not! It's, "too long"! Not that it matters anyway.

'to' is correct!

Snap with the booze. Crazy how fat it makes me. I don't believe that about white bread, because I eat it and I'm slim. I've realised that "doing your best" is good enough, and that "perfect" doesn't exist! It's okay not to be liked by all, I say this as a former people pleaser.

@Hwi why...?

That if you don't strengthen your core when you are younger you will likely end up with back issues

Most people who say they ‘like dogs more than they like people’ are less likeable than most dogs.

I love this one! Extra “Walk under buses to avoid them” points if they mawkishly add “Animals don’t let you down”.

Surely you should lie better - you meant to say 'inorganic', right?

That if you think you hate everyone, you need to eat something and if you think everyone hates you, you need to go to sleep.

oh and that “tangential” is not pronounced “tan GENITAL” which is absolutely how I pronounced it well into my 20s. Sure I got some weird looks but I thought people were just impressed by the fancy word 😂😂

We don't need 3 meals a day and certainly don't need snacks.
That carbs are inflammatory foods and cause all sorts of problems.
Big pharmas big business is anti inflammatory meds.

Wouldn't call 5ft 1inch abnormally small. There are many women under 5ft which look perfectly fine.

Very true!

That elders aren't always betters and they don't automatically deserve respect.
This is so true.

I have a friend who us a retired GP. I was talking to him about cancer, and is there more people affected now than in the past, or is it that we diagnose cancers more today. Apart from an older population, he reckons that incidences of bowel and stomach cancers took a step up when refined white bread and flours took over from wholemeal. I don't know if research backs up this, but seems logical to me.

That it's perfectly all right to be single. You don't dissolve without a man. That dogs make a much better partner than any human. That 'enough' money is fine, you can live on less than you think. Oh, and that my work rota is arranged in alphabetical order (I used to just search for my name - took me a stupidly long time to work out it was alphabetical!)

Thin people have high Cholesterol, have Diabetes AND have high levels of visceral fat around the organs. It is not all about how much you eat, what you eat and drink is the killer.

@Hwi

"God bless you! No additives. That would be right. You are like my dh, naive to the point of incapacity - "but darling, it is written here 'no additives'/organic cotton/responsibly sourced, etc." to which I invariably reply that in my great-grandmother's passport it was written 'British', yet she was more German than the Windsors and born in Berlin."

What? I'm not talking about processed foods that have health claims written on the packaging. I'm talking about whole foods that you can see have no additives because they look like they do in nature. For example, an apple, a potato etc etc. In contrast, a cornflake plant doesn't exist.

I'm not naive to the point of incapacity about additives thanks very much. I have a PhD in organic chemistry for fucks sake! How rude.

Along the same lines as you - that having breakfast, lunch and dinner isn't the right eating pattern for everyone and that what is now called intermittent fasting and which used to be called "not having breakfast" is a good way of eating for many.

She isn't saying that at all, her point is that some advice would have been helpful, so pointing out pros and cons, you know like a caring and interested parent.

Justice doesn't always prevail.

The world is deeply misogynistic. Being well-educated and relatively wealthy won't protect you, especially in a breakup scenario.

If you have children, it is basically impossible to have an organised and disciplined life and a fulltime job.

A few years ago I realised an old friend has been sexually abused. He called himself her boyfriend and she was so proud of having a proper boyfriend long before the rest of us. She told us what he did with her and I'm sad to say we were all jealous. At the time I was 13 and she was 14.

I feel so stupid now but things weren't mentioned back then.

Better to make your own bread I would say. You know what is going into then.

That it’s ok to say no sometimes

That self care can be as important as caring for others

Oh my goodness I could have written this. Yes childhood enmeshment and parentification did a number on me as well.