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Original poster

Things it took you far to long to work out (or admit)

243 replies

Slowontheup · 20/01/2025 14:04

I'm so annoyed with myself for drinking so much (socially and more or less within normal UK limits but still far too much)

it made me bloated and fat. I used to deny this could possibly be the case and went to every exercise class going plus starved myself. It was the booze.

specifically and most irritating - it made my arms fat. I considered going to Brazil for expensive and risky arm surgery ffs. My arms are thin now and I'm in my 40s

i must have spent a bloody fortune. Also did many risky and undignified things in my 20s and lost many many items in taxis (more expense incurred)

maybe it's part of growing up but wish I'd limited it to 2 years instead of best part of 20!

what did you do that you wish you'd cottoned on to a bit blinking sooner?!

OP posts:
BellaCiaoBellaCiao · 22/01/2025 12:11

murphys · 22/01/2025 08:43

Lucky you.

But it is most definitely true.

Vaginal atrophy. Happens to 85% of menopausal women.

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Do you have evidence to support that? So our inner labia just disappear?
That is such bullshit.

Arraminta · 22/01/2025 11:39

That it's always a friend who hates you the most.

PainthewholeworldwithaRainbow · 22/01/2025 11:08

WaryCrow · 21/01/2025 13:22

That my ‘d’h really is self-absorbed, selfish and entitled, controlling and fundamentally sexist. I did know to some degree actually but didn’t quite realise the extent to which he would ignore issues affecting me as long as he was all right. I did not realise the extent to which he would be willing to throw my economic life under a bus. I think a lot of women don’t grasp the fact that for men there is a very low bar on behaviour and merely not being habitually violent is not enough. I’ve never come across a man who valued women’s time and work equally.

True . When I was sexually assaulted at work my then husband told me that It was nothing to do with him and he didn't see why he should be involved .

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 22/01/2025 11:01

How to work out my central heating thermostat. Still don't think it's right

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 22/01/2025 10:57

The issue about choosing the wrong degree has far more to do with the fact that it's so hard these days for people to know where the truly useful information is on degree choice and long term outcomes. Many parents, most probably, also don't know that. People also do more research finding a car than an expensive training for a long term career.

PainthewholeworldwithaRainbow · 22/01/2025 10:54

AngelinaFibres · 21/01/2025 09:36

Some marriages last forever. Some marriages have a sell-by date. Both of those things are fine. You will not get a better, softer , velvet covered seat in heaven ( which I also don't believe in) by staying in a marriage that is making everyone miserable. You have this one life and it's precious .
The same applies to friendships. You should look forward to meeting up with someone and you should feel uplifted after you have see them. If a friendship fills you with dread, sucks the joy out of you, causes you financial stress then it's time to let it go. You might have been beasties since you were 5. You're 35 now and , if it's not working, it's time to let it go.

A lot of friendships become habits . Some turn in to bad habits .

PainthewholeworldwithaRainbow · 22/01/2025 10:51

AInightingale · 21/01/2025 09:23

That many men don't care about their own children, and that society doesn't judge them much if they make it obvious, and that many will use separation as an excuse to disappear from their lives.

Hard lesson, but women are deceived from girlhood about this one.

They Also behave horribly to get kicked out so they don't look a shit for walking out on their family. They lie about the reasons they were kicked out too .

PainthewholeworldwithaRainbow · 22/01/2025 10:49

NordicwithTeen · 21/01/2025 09:19

That if jobs don't display their salary they usually want the cheapest labour they can find and have discriminatory pay policies. I'm so glad more young people are rejecting these and demanding to know upfront before applying.

The same with hours . A lot of jobs don't advertise the hours as in 9-5

scalt · 22/01/2025 09:46

The power of "no". I think it can be problematic that some children are taught that it's bad word.

That most newspapers are owned by Tory billionaires, and will say whatever suits their agenda. Indeed, that news is highly biased, including (and perhaps especially) the sensible-sounding BBC.

PainthewholeworldwithaRainbow · 22/01/2025 09:17

That my friend many years ago WAS a fremnemy and I should have cut off a long time before I did .

ICompletelyKnowAboutGuineaPigs7 · 22/01/2025 09:10

MinnieMountain · 22/01/2025 06:24

Great points re food and sleep.

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I have the grossest image of a willy or vagina on a sunbed now !

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 22/01/2025 09:09

@Slowontheup wholemeal bread has more fibre. In fact white has none. It's the fibre which fill you up, so you eat less throughout the day.

Elbone · 22/01/2025 08:46

That my mum never cared about me

murphys · 22/01/2025 08:43

BellaCiaoBellaCiao · 21/01/2025 12:06

This is absolutely not true. I have gone through the menopause and at 56, all my bits are still very much exactly where they have always been!

Show quote history

Lucky you.

But it is most definitely true.

Vaginal atrophy. Happens to 85% of menopausal women.

MinnieMountain · 22/01/2025 06:24

Baloo592 · 21/01/2025 13:09

That if you think you hate everyone, you need to eat something and if you think everyone hates you, you need to go to sleep.

oh and that “tangential” is not pronounced “tan GENITAL” which is absolutely how I pronounced it well into my 20s. Sure I got some weird looks but I thought people were just impressed by the fancy word 😂😂

Great points re food and sleep.

Mopsy567 · 22/01/2025 05:36

That you shouldn't wait in your job for opportunities to come up, you need to go out and find them! Sounds so obvious but I stayed too long in one role because I was always being told I was good at it. Waited for opportunities to progress and nothing, but carried on because of my good reputation at this company and the hard work I had put in.

Bonkers decision making. I regret not leaving sooner.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 22/01/2025 00:29

I wish I'd realised how good I looked in my teens and twenties. I was a size 10, thick hair, mostly clear skin, but I hated looking in the mirror, thought I was so spotty and fat and my hair was bird's nesty. I look back on pictures of my younger self and wish I had had the confidence that should've accompanied that person.

Now I'm mid 40s, size 20, saggy boobs, hair is greying and thinning, eye bags are expanding into wrinkles... but maybe in my 60s I will look back and wish I had been a more confident 40 Yr old too!

Illegally18 · 21/01/2025 23:32

That tomatoes never live up to expectations. Not in this country, They need the sun. I've had some corkers in France, Spain, Italy, Greece,etc, shey they hust need a little salt

Illegally18 · 21/01/2025 23:21

BetterWithPockets · 21/01/2025 10:59

Okay, @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe — I need to know more about this particular point…

  • Never buy a house in your lunch break out of temper
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me too.

whynotwhatknot · 21/01/2025 20:40

that my dad is a narc-=everything he did apparently for us was to benefit him no matter what he said

wish i worke it out sooner

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 21/01/2025 16:32

Just because someone says something doesn't mean it's true. This is a big reveal if you are on the autistic spectrum.

Giving 100% all the time will lead to burn out. You should aim to give 85%.

Very little that happens in my life is about me. It's nearly always about the other person.

PoltergeistsStartLowKey · 21/01/2025 15:47

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 21/01/2025 14:31

I'm sorry to derail but I knew nothing of this condition at all. Sounds really difficult. Just wanted to acknowledge the challenge you and every other sufferer faces with getting to grips with it.

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Thanks. Primary oxalosis is something the medics don't talk about because they can't test for it.

It is relatively easy to deal with once you know what you are dealing with though.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 21/01/2025 14:31

PoltergeistsStartLowKey · 21/01/2025 12:15

OOof. Almond milk is the mother and father of all oxalate riddled foods so you are getting it!.

If you go onto the FB page Trying Low Oxalate (I think) they have an adjunct FB page with a very very comprehensive and accurate list of the content of foods.

I was you. It's very confusing. Once you get it though, the difference is night and day. The dumping is utter and complete misery but this is your body heaving a sigh of relief as it starts to heal.

I was poisoning myself with so many things I thought was good for me. I cannot even smell tea now. I miss the citrus fruit and the berries etc. I sprout my own low ox beans and peas and the nutrition profile is off the scale so I'm doing OK. I eat meat heavy, low oxalate paleo basically. I've lost weight, my nails and hair are growing like crazy and my skin is amazing now. I have full use of all my joints. Even my plantar fasciitis has buggered off.

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I'm sorry to derail but I knew nothing of this condition at all. Sounds really difficult. Just wanted to acknowledge the challenge you and every other sufferer faces with getting to grips with it.

Cansomeone · 21/01/2025 14:12

That people who promote extremely restrictive diets and cutting out entire food groups have an eating disorder/anorexia.

Verv · 21/01/2025 13:58

Baloo592 · 21/01/2025 13:09

That if you think you hate everyone, you need to eat something and if you think everyone hates you, you need to go to sleep.

oh and that “tangential” is not pronounced “tan GENITAL” which is absolutely how I pronounced it well into my 20s. Sure I got some weird looks but I thought people were just impressed by the fancy word 😂😂

Oh shit 😂same tangenital boat.