I don't know how to have a normal life

Sometimes it's easy to be overwhelmed by all the possibilities of what you could be doing that you end up being paralysed and doing none of them.

Three things that helped me:
Getting outside - if you feel like you're going insane stuck at home, just get out for 20 mins, you will always feel better. Bonus points if you can go to a park or listen to a podcast
Remembering what I used to love - what did you enjoy as a child? For me it was drawing, playing video games and reading. Pick an activity that doesn't seem daunting and go from there
Three things a day - some days are better than others but I try not to schedule more than three chores a day so life is managable I.e. do one load of laundry, phone the dentist, buy a birthday card

OP ! Well done on posting and thinking about it.

Get yourself a Nintendo switch and 'Animal Crossing'. Just the best escapist fun ever.

What a lovely routine :-)

You’ve done so well to get this far! Don’t put pressure on yourself!

If you work, go to the gym and have good healthy meals, in between time should be for you… reading, watching films, finding a hobby.. painting, calligraphy, sewing etc.

I find it hard to do nothing, but being present and just enjoying the moment is beneficial if you can manage it!

I am autistic so like a routine. I work from home so my life is not my own until 5pm. Then I cook and eat between about 5 and 6pm. I wash up and make sure the kitchen is clean and then on gym nights I head out about 18:30. It's 30 min drive so am home around 20:30. I then have a shower and make a hot drink and sit with a biscuit and watch an hour of TV. I am in bed by 10pm and use an app called Better Sleep to play me 30 minutes of relaxing sounds until go to sleep. Alarm goes off at 6:45.

Weekends are harder as lots of free time sees me struggle. I now do Park run on Saturday morning followed by a leisurely cafe breakfast with a book to read. I head home and have a shower and change. Then I do housework & food shopping with an audiobook on or some music. I tend not to eat lunch so I buy something a bit more complicated to cook for dinner and spend an hour or maybe more cooking for dinner. I will end up having eaten by about 6pm.

On Sunday I get up later and make myself a complicated breakfast (like french toast) and then I head out on a hike. Preferably one that ends up at a pub or passes a cafe so I can grab a hot drink. I get home early afternoon.

The activities I do in my "idle" time at home include;
Reading
Doing jigsaws
Having a bath and listening to music or a podcast / audiobook
Watching TV

I light nice smelling candles, have fluffy sofa blankets, light a fire, etc.. These things make sitting on the sofa watching TV feel cozy and special rather than a waste of time. I try to alternate my activities so I don't always watch TV.

My life has a rhythm and whilst I won't say it never varies I would say I most comfortable if it follows it's pattern.

Literally if not work (from home so able to hide a lot of the depressive traits) I'm on sofa watching tv.
Meanwhile what are your young children doing?

It can be a good use of your time if it’s want you want to do and you enjoy it. And as a matter of fact I think it is more normal than not.

I agree with the PP who suggests that you need to find ways to be comfortable in your own company. Do you also want to be more sociable? It’s fine if not, but I find that, especially if working from home, it’s good to do some activities with others from time to time. Does your gym do classes? That is a way of edging yourself towards sharing energy with others.

It sounds daft but is there a non-audition choir near you? Singing is endorphin-releasing central. Or a walking or running group?

Or even something like life drawing. I’m suggesting things where you might feel you are achieving something and can be alongside people but without the pressure to be hugely sociable.

Any ideas f these sound possible? You might need to gently push yourself slightly beyond your comfort zone at first. But it sounds as if structure is helpful to you so something regular and directed could be helpful.

The OP says she has a FT job, and, according to other threads has young children, so the implication of oceans of free time to be filled seems quite odd.

Just wasting posters time isn’t it
Very strange

Yes, why withhold key information about your life, OP?

It work not an option, suggest volunteering. Could be very low key, clearing a park, welcome people to a hospital, anything. Something with structure. Gym is a great start - well done.

You’re missing out some pretty major info Op

namely you are married and have young children.

Plus young children according to other threads

How are you managing with parenting OP?

What things make you happy OP?

Your spare time should include things that make you relaxed and happy.

Have you tried doing puzzles, reading, painting, sewing? There are lots of easily accessible hobbies that you could take up at home. Maybe dip your toe in a try a few?

I find having classical music on in the background at home really relaxing.

Try and find little moments to spoil yourself, you deserve it. Pick up a bar of chocolate (or whatever you fancy) after work on a Friday and run yourself a bath and do a face mask etc. little things to remind yourself you deserve to be happy and treated.

making small changes can have a big impact. Start small and it’s not so over whelming. Put your phone away and hour before bedtime and read instead.

Get yourself outside more as well. Nature and fresh air are medicine. Smile and say good morning to people or compliment someone. It could make their day and also makes you feel good too.

Honestly I think you should go easy on yourself. You working full time, keeping on top of housework, and exercising! That's pretty good! If you want to start a hobby of something that's great, but mainly I think you should work on accepting yourself.

You are married Op… do you have any routines with your husband? Like dinner together at roughly same time?

You say that eating and drinking can be hard work, so why not make meal planning and cooking more of an ‘activity’ and let it take up a set amount of time during the week?
Do you drive? If so, can you afford a membership to something like national trust or historic houses? It’d give you somewhere new to go each weekend, if you’d find that sort of thing interesting?
A online book club?
Online learning? Harvard university do free lectures and courses online.
It’s important to remember that normal life often is just relaxing in your free time, watching telly or reading, catching up with the housework - especially when you work full time. I tend to have Saturdays as a day for going out and doing something and then Sunday for relaxing at home and doing jobs.

I'd massively recommend getting out of the house for the 'work' part of your day if possible. Would your employer pay for you to use a hotdesk service like WeWork a couple of days a week? If not, a library or coffee shop?

It really does make all the difference, changing your surroundings.

Came to suggest this

One of the best ways of moving forwards and getting out of your own headspace is by being of service.
I know you work full time.
But find out if there is anywhere locally which could do with a bit of extra help, even if it’s just a couple of hours.
Could be a food bank or a local charity - getting involved in something where you help others is so rewarding and you also get to meet other people.
Finally I have never known anyone who has joined a choir who hasn’t loved it. Not just a church choir either.
It’s a way of being with other people creating something worthwhile. Great for the soul!

I personally spend a lot of time watching netflix series. I also try and learn something new, could be something like using duolingo to learn a language, I dont really care if I learn it properly its more like something to do. Cooking can take a lot of time if you get into that. Cross words or art.I also have an adult colouring book

I think that planning and constantly looking out for events, groups is the way forward. It doesn't need to cost much, could be local groups, litter picking, craft club at local library, anything to get out of the house

Hey.

Well done on taking up the gym, it’s the one thing guaranteed to make me feel better in a day and the additional benefits of getting healthy and in shape help.

Have you considered getting a pet? I think you stated you work from home - maybe a little dog would be a nice addition to your life. Something to give you unconditional love and a reason to get you out of the house a couple of times a day. You could research breeds or check out your local rescue centres.

Do you have a garden? If so could you perhaps spend time either getting it in shape or tending to it. If you have lots of spare time then consider growing edibles which can be really rewarding.
Could or would you consider volunteering? Charities are generally grateful for help and you may meet some lovely people along the way. Also consider your local church (I’m not particularly religious and you don’t need to be to attend) they do tend to be warm and welcoming places where you may meet new friends, they often have a coffee and chat session on a Sunday after the service which might be nice for you to get involved with.

Sounds like you need a social life with a few friends?

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you can pursue? Your local library or town’s Facebook page will have adverts for meeting times for local hobby groups and activities so why not set yourself a target of trying 1 or 2 groups or activities a week for the next month or so and see if any of them grab your interest? I do various craft activities as a hobby and attend a couple of different groups a week and have made some new friends this way which includes a few who I see outside of the group.