Can you teach resilience? What makes one person more resilient than the next?

Sense of humour.

My family has been through a fair share of tragedy, but are funny and we laugh a lot. One family member is hands down the funniest person I know but also suffers in his MH.

I think it can help take the harshness off of reality, we brits do love a bit of satire and a panel comedy show don’t we.

This is a really interesting thread. It's made me think about what we even mean when we talk about resilience. How can you know, without being in someone's brain? Are we looking at distress levels or ability to continue despite distress levels?

I think people would say I am resilient. However, I went through a very dark time a few years ago, triggered by some difficult circumstances. Didn't miss a commitment - showed up every day and performed well at work, was available for family and friends and always appeared very together. I prided myself on my resilience - my ability to get on with it and try and focus on positives. But I was secretly deeply unhappy to the extent that I had significant suicidal ideation. I'm not convinced that makes me much more resilient than the same person who was faced with the same circumstances and didn't get out of bed for 6 months?

And different people are resilient in different ways surely? For example, I don't really 'get' work related stress - I'm sympathetic but if I'm honest I don't truly understand it. But I'm sure I ruminate on things that others brush off.

I’m talking about the skills and strategies, world view, that allows you to function in a stressful environment.

Some people pick them up in their families. They are encouraged to balance perseverance and self care, to problem solve, conflict resolution, boundaries and so on.
Others learn toxic messages instead- they are lazy, it’s their own fault, no one likes a whiner…

There are things we can learn as adults that better equip us for difficult situations, so we become more resilient. I didn’t become more resilient by powering through stressful situations. All that did was burn me out and make me ill!

I had to learn a whole host of new attitudes and skills. I’m less resilient in some ways as I now have a chronic illness and have limited capacity. My skill set is now awesome and I’m in recovery. I am good at sharing my learning with other people facing stress, at least that’s what they tell me when they come for support!

I haven't RTFT so apologies if repeating
IMO children are not allowed to fail or struggle. Parents should allow a child to struggle with a task, to fail it and problem solve it. Stepping in too soon tells the child the parent is not confident they can work out a problem

I don't think you can teach resilience but you can teach better coping strategies such as dealing with stress, better time management and sometimes just the ability to recognise that you can can't do anymore and just say 'no'.

I think innate resilience comes out of (probably mostly early) life experiences

Innate means that you were born with it. If it is a result of life experience it is not innate.

A lot of resilience comes from difficult experiences.

We start with allowing children to explore things safely and push personal boundries at clubs, music, drama and sports but we don't throw unsafe experiences at them. However if they happen chance to get involved in a risky experience, cope, and survive...they may have built some additional resilience from that. Their personality helps too - some are more risk taking than others.

Then as get older we have challenges and work opportunities come our way - some of those (more than others) help build.resilience.

Some of the most resilient people I know are fantastic at compartmentalising. I find this hard and am so impressed by friends who can be going through hell but will meet up for a walk or run, or go to an evening class and just enjoy it without offloading because that's how they refuel - they ditch the massive problem at home or work temporarily and just enjoy the moment.

I think this is important - each individual finding the thing that will allow him or her to set aside worry and stress. For some it's faith and prayer, for others it might be a long walk, or listening to music, or just finding a quiet place to sit and look at a garden.... For Winston Churchill it was painting. He writes about it in his essay Painting as a Pastime. Each person needs to find their own thing.

And put down/switch off the phone, to allow the mind time to deal with stuff, rather than being continually bombarded with new stuff.

It's accumulated from life experiences as well as the character they were born with. I don't really think you can teach it, though you can teach coping mechanisms for when times are tough.

I work in the NHS and a lot of focus in last few years seems to be being spent on 'wellbeing'- managing stress, reducing absence.
To be honest it feels like being gaslit, you put people in impossible systems with ridiculous pressures and then throw them a half hour mindfulness thing at 4.30 one day.
It doesn't build resilience it just makes people cross.
If you can't change the system and reduce the pressures then at least use the money to provide meaningful support-good supervision, access to therapy, adequate training for the job they are doing, time to attend medical appointments etc..

I’d ask the staff at the coalface how they would like the money spent.

They have.

All the separate life events that one can go through in life will build one’s resilience. I believe resilience has to be built. So it would be depending on the nurses life events leading up to this moment which would determine how each of the nurses would react to the situation.

I think it had to be introduced by your parents in childhood, and compounded upon over the years. Overcoming obstacles, not giving up when things are hard, sticking at sports, playing in teams even when you lose/don’t get chosen, understanding that others will get more attention than you some of the time. Understanding that it’s okay to fail, that it’s part of learning.

If your parents removed obstacles in your way and made your life as easy as possible, courses in adulthood aren’t going to change a lack of resilience.

Some people’s personalities just don’t fit it either.

Agree with others who say resilience can’t really be taught, it’s a combination of many different factors.

The closest you could perhaps get to teaching it is to pay for your employees to have therapy sessions. Recognising failings / difficulties in life and learning strategies to cope with them via therapy would perhaps help strengthen how someone copes in life, appearing to make them
more resilient

I think it does help if people are properly trained to do their jobs. So, not resilience training but how to deal with difficult situations, what to do in an emergency etc. So when one happens the training kicks in.

Sorry if it's already been mentioned.

Mindful Based Stress Reduction course.

Mindfulness and meditation apparently proven to change your brain and improve your ability to cope with stress

In the workplace I have seen resilience being improved through skilled staff debriefing. In a workspace like ICU money could be spent on backfilling and clinical psychology support to do individual and peer group debriefing after specific difficult events

I don't know if you have shit resilience. Why would you think that? I've got excellent resilience but, honestly, I found that out the hard way. I don't think resilience is bottling things up, I think it's acknowledging you need support, you need a break, that things are hard.

I agree but sometimes wonder if it's resilience or repression. In a previous job I would have been considered very resilient. I don't think I could do it now. I know people experienced huge trauma and not discussed it. I don't know if that's helpful. I'm being annoying, as I don't know.

I definitely think you can learn resilience - at any age. Part of it will be role playing scenarios, and learning about different outcomes. Knowing what to expect in a stressful situation can help you deal with it.

My suggestion would be to reach out to a consultant who specialises in this kind of training, and ask them how they could successfully coach your team/colleagues for their work environment. These kinds of consultants tend to have had a lot of work experience already in stressful conditions, and know what's needed and what works.

The fact that colleagues are asking for it shows they already believe it could help.

Ok, I misunderstood, you're talking about in a workplace context.

Some of the most resilient people I know are fantastic at compartmentalising. I find this hard and am so impressed by friends who can be going through hell but will meet up for a walk or run, or go to an evening class and just enjoy it without offloading because that's how they refuel - they ditch the massive problem at home or work temporarily and just enjoy the moment.

Yes, I think assertiveness training and CBT can both be very supportive of resilience.

The CBT would normally lead into other modalities for self-care/self-management; those are easily accessed once you've identified your needs (which the CBT helps to do).

Assertiveness is becoming a lost skill. I'm heavily in favour of proper training for it.