Can you teach resilience? What makes one person more resilient than the next?

I sometimes coach people to work through their perceived issues with work.
Right from the start, we identify what is immovable from the Company’s global policies, and what can be changed by the workers (normally 30/70% ratio).
Guiding people to identify and fix the things they have an influence over teaches them resilience. One of the most life-changing ideas is to have a scheduled meeting regularly with Management, in which each pain-point is discussed, a course of action agreed, and a task assigned to one person or team to brainstorm a solution, then prepare a follow-up/follow-ups until resolved.
Many former participants have mentioned, months and years later, that this type of coaching helped them enormously in all aspects of their lives.
It’s not a waste of time, as it introduces people to thinking critically about ways they can better cope with their situation and how being able to be adaptable, rather than expecting everything to fit around yourself, is the key.

Errrr? Yes you can teach Resilience to adults.

It's an absolute core skill in the military.

Loads of Special Forces use it - particularly the concept of "drown proofing."

Have a look for "Stress Inoculation Training."

Loads of info out there. Basic concept is that you start exposing a subject to small amounts of a stressor. Increased exposure allows the brain adapt and get used to the stressor and then is ready to take on more.

Same concept also useful for dealing with phobias.

My suggestion would be to get a guest speaker in. An Ex Military type who can talk about hard times and how to overcome them.

There is an established research evidence base for the effectiveness of resilience training. Basing your decision on that, rather than subjective views from Mumsnet, would be a better use of NHS resources.

Yes, definitely. DS is probably also a bit slow-approach but he's naturally extraordinarily determined which helps him overcome this more easily. So he has a natural ability to understand that somethign is hard or scary and then to think proactively about how to overcome that. But we've still worked with him on some of the perspective bit or helping him to figure how to do that calculation - sometimes it's obvious, "if you want to be better at basketball, you need to practice shooting" but other times it's less obvious and we have to step in to help him figure it out.

I've got more resilient over the last few years because I've been through some horrible situations. My life would have been so much easier had I had these skills when I was younger that's for sure.

I don't think you can learn it on a course
It's called life. Get knocked down pick yourself back up. Repeat.

@MsMarch That's all the things I would have suggested Bloody good job, Mum!

We have to acknowledge the hard things, acknowledge their innate skills and challenges, and then teach them hard work.

It sounds like she's a bit 'slow-approach' which is one of the traits which is innate and observable from close to birth until old age. It's very consistent. Some people need a run-up to new or scary things. Some dive right in. You won't change that but you can change how she processes it.

Hi op I think one of the key fundamentals to increase resilience is appropriate level of debrief and reflecting on challenges. Next time the same thing happens, you remember what happened last time and you are more resilient but I imagine you already do that in a ICU environment. Really interesting thread

Suggested by "above"? Or representatives of the target audience?

In either case my first question would be "what do you mean by resilience" to get a clearer picture on the specifics they have in mind. Resilience is like "happiness" - you can't teach it but you can help people work out what makes them happy, how to focus on those things and see the positives in their lives. In much the same way you can teach people specifics such as coping with loss of patients, talking to relatives, accepting that what you can't change is not your monkey etc etc. Focus on specifics.

I also have a rule of thumb on personal development courses with broad titles and some diversity intiatives - half a day in a room with colleagues talking about it will always get good feedback for the course but rarely makes any difference to actual behaviours when measured weeks or months later. (and in the case of some diversity courses can make behaviours worse).

However there are banks of online courses which can be used a bit like workbooks building up over time using a hour a week or similar, sometimes in a sequence of modules. If you have access to a system of self paced online training schemes for skill based training then there may be something suitable in a personal development section.

I crumble like an overcooked cookie. Keep carrying on though.

How old is she? DD is 10. It's definitely not something that comes naturally to her, in part I think it's because she's quite smart, articulate etc, and so many things came so easily to her or just didn't matter that she finds it quite hard when she actually has to put effort in.

But things we've done that have helped her:

When she says she can't do something/ something is too hard/ too scary - just constant reassurance that actually, ANY progress is progress etc. eg I think she's got a fear of heights but can't articulate it. So things like monkey bars or some of the climbing frames she finds hideiously difficult. But we encourage her, stand by, and point out that yes, she did go one rung further than last time etc (because when they're in that spiral they can only see that they can't go the WHOLE way, not that they've made progress).

Things she's terrified/stressed by we talk about in advance and then very specifically about after. eg first school residential. Didn't want to go, was terrified etc etc. We had very specific conversations about how she feels that but we KNOW when she comes back it wil be okay. And then when she DID come back, we pointed it all out again (because, again, they get irrational so I know from experience if you try to be subtle they'll change the narrative in their head or promptly forget that they even found it hard and had to overcome it).

Sometimes we force her to do things she doesn't want to do - it's a thin line here so getting this right is tricky. But again, ti teaches her she CAN do it.

Offer her specific help to improve things and I am not hugely sympathetic to any braod "no, nothing will help" statements. So she was getting stressed about some stuff in maths she couldn't do. Obviously nothing will ever work, she will never crack it, she's useless etc. When we discussed a tutor she told me it was pointless..... needless to say, she's nailed it, she does also ahve a tutor and is doing very well but the thing I'm MOST pleased about is that last week she told me she was struggling with a particlar maths thing again without any of the hysterics that came last time, and she asked if I could let her tutor know so that they could work on it next time.

Also for botg DC we try to help them learn to put things in perspective. "Yes DS, maths is really hard for you but you're really good at these other things. Also, you're very very good at working at things that are hard, so can you apply those skills to improving your maths?" Or "Yes, DDOG is sick and she could die and that would be super super sad. But we'v ehad so many happy times with her and I will always be so glad we've had that - do you remember that time she jumped on DCAT's head and he was so cross? hahahahaha"

How old is she? Because parenting for resiliency is possible. Training it into harried NHS workers is less easy.

Would love to know if/how resilience can be taught! Would teach it to my DD if it were possible: beyond being happy and healthy, it’s the one thing I’d wish for her — to be more robust. I think it would make her life so much easier…

TW: suicide
On a separate note, the team at my old company all had resilience training a while back; I remember nothing about it, so don’t think it could have been great. The facilitator had been a tennis player then a sports coach (I think). Tragically, a year or so after our training with him, he killed himself. It made me think resilience really can’t be taught.

I think there's actually some variation in what people mean by resilience on this thread which also impacts the views on how much it can be taught. There's resilience in the form of not letting something bring you down completely and being able to shake off or move on from tough times at a fairly emotional level, and then there's the more advanced version which is when you do that and then also get back up and carry on doing whatever it is that you've been struggling with.

I think there are absolutely tools that can be taught for the first one - helping people to learn how to look at things in perspective, how not to obsess etc. DH, for example, has tended to over focus on something to the point that it can prevent him from carrying on with normal things and he has learnt how to 1. break the cycle (he uses a combination of physical and psychological tools and 2. how to force himself to look at the issue more objectively.

I think the second one - where someone is struggling but has to keep getting up and going on is something that can be strengthened and built, but there's an aspect of personality. It's also easier to build that in childhood. DS is naturally quite resilient but we have helped him to strengthen that, which he will need because some things ar ehard for him due to ND. DD is not naturally resilient at ALL but we've been working with her on this for a long time and she has definitely improved her resilience.

Sense of humour
My family has been through a fair share of tragedy, but are funny and we laugh a lot.

I once worked with someone whose husband was an ambulance driver - in the days before they were paramedics. He had attended some major incidents. She said black humour was the way they dealt with things they had seen and done.

But the reality is the system ain't changing any time soon but there are things we can do to help people keep working and be less affected by it. These people are in contracts of employment and our power to change the system is limited, we can however help people cope while we challenge this higher up. It's a shit situation.

It is a shit situation in too many professions at the moment. I do think though that providing “resilience” training in whatever form places the solution to the problem at the feet of staff. Oddly enough people who work in well resourced, well managed organisations with realistic case loads, decent supervision arrangements and supportive managers don’t need resilient training, or wellbeing initiatives because there are organisational and systemic processes in place to protect their wellbeing initiatives the first place.

You can’t meditate your way through an impossible workload and hostile work environment.

I don't think it could be taught. I think there are so many things that contribute to resilience and see it more as a trait than a skill. Early childhood experiences shape it massively. Having an early attachment, growing up knowing that you have someone there for you to help you overcome struggles. There is research around how a healthy attachment helps children become more confident and independent, they will go an explore away from a parent if they feel secure knowing the parent is there to go back to if needed.
I think every little thing about us contributes to resilience so it can vary in an individual throughout their lives. Positive personality traits, looks, IQ, social skills- having all of this will help resilience. Being financially secure, having healthy relationships with spouse/friends/family. Having time to relax, engage in self-care, have fun. Physical and mental health. Positive self-esteem.
Two nurses doing the same job aren't comparable for measuring resilience, there will be so many tiny factors that all interplay to form the overall level of resilience.

I think you can teach certain strategies to deal with a stressful situation in the moment and how to respond. But that may not change someone's internal resilience to that situation. For example I know how to manage a stressful situation, but I am someone who hates conflicts, it causes me severe anxiety and I dwell on it for a long time, keeps me up at night if I said/did the right thing etc etc. I am naturally a people pleaser. But the next person may have also been taught the same strategies, dealt with a situation in exactly the same way i did and not think twice about it. I don't think you can change that in people core.

Overall I agree with you. It's very interesting, I'm glad you're stronger despite your chronic condition

Agree re masking. Overall I find this debate really interesting as I really don't know.

I think resilience is the wrong word in this context.

But something around recognising the signs that things have had a negative impact on wellbeing, appropriate debrief strategies and methods for dealing with high stress situations and their aftermath might be more achievable (and probably less likely to anger your staff).

I agree ultimately we are masking the awful problems in the nhs and gaslighting people into thinking they need be be stronger and stronger to just get on with it. But the reality is the system ain't changing any time soon but there are things we can do to help people keep working and be less affected by it. These people are in contracts of employment and our power to change the system is limited, we can however help people cope while we challenge this higher up. It's a shit situation.

This. 100x this.

I can't find the post but I agree, please don't just make it a mindfulness workshop. That is the most cynical assault of working conditions I have ever seen. 'accept whatever shit is thrown at you and make it your own problem rather than push for improvements in conditions'. Not to say it didn't start out with good inentions.

This is classic chicken and egg.

When I feel happier and healthier, I can do those things. There's a great study [not found] that says that the top few ways to help with MH are running, walking and dancing. If someone starts running, or goes to Zumba, they will feel better. But one of the unsuccessful ones (worse than control) is, essentially, 'being told to run or walk'. Even, and this is important, if they then run or walk. It's hard not to interpret that as meaning that people do self-care when they feel well enough to do self-care. If they are told to do it, they feel guilty, do it anyway, feel worse.

A lot of resiliency 'training' is a lot of guff about self-care, and a huge amount of gaslighting. We're training workers to feel like they should put up with terrible working conditions and if they feel shit, have a bubble bath and if they don't feel better it's their fault.

By all means teach reframing or meditation or a Zumba class. But make it voluntary and don't call it 'resiliency' training.