Can you teach resilience? What makes one person more resilient than the next?

Such an interesting question and discussion.

I agree with PP that starting with the systemic issues within the NHS has to be a good plan (people seem increasingly unwilling/unable to take this approach these days). Not sure why.

However, here's another thought. What about inspiration? I've read plenty of fictional/factual books about people overcoming adversity and think these have helped my resilience throughout my life. One example for adults is Joe Simpson's 'Touching the Void':

www.waterstones.com/book/touching-the-void/joe-simpson/9780099771012

That's one hell of an example of resilience and the will to survive that's put some of my suffering into context. 😮

I'm sure you mean well but if they work in the NHS- likely 12 hours shifts dealing with extremely stressful circumstance. Pretty sure they're learning all the time and don't want enforced learning to test their resilience when they're no doubt exhausted and burned out..

Agree with those that state NHS staff will likely not benefit from a resilience training course as the stressors are systematic.

For staff everyone could learn something they don’t know together over time to see failure and trying again etc
eg learning a language or skill. Plus has to show effort and trying over time when it gets hard or boring to learn resilience.

Resilience is depleted when we have to go through difficult things alone and / or without sufficient opportunity to recover in between and / or with associated trauma. I understand trauma as something that significantly undermines beliefs that the world and society is basically (most of the time, as long as you follow accepted rules etc) safe, fair, consistent. Chronic work stress isn’t usually traumatic but definitely removes the recovery opportunity.

Resilience is built when we navigate difficult things successfully, with others, and without trauma. I have a suspicion that having social support while doing the hard thing is actually crucial to building long term resilience, but I don’t have a great theory why that should be. Maybe something about having the experience validated, or reinforcing the belief we can rely on others. Good relationships with supportive parents seems to be especially important.

I don’t think resilience is something that can be significantly improved with a work based training course. Often those can do more harm than good as they are experienced like gas lighting. No effort to change the stressors, attributing staff unhappiness to some kind of personal failing that they should be able to think their way out of. IF an individual is self motivated to improve their resilience I think this can be improved by intentionally focusing on life challenges with a trusted friend or therapist and basically building a self image from your own experiences that I am able to cope with many things, I was successful in that, I made good choices here, I can rely on the kindness of both friends and strangers during tough times. Trauma may have to be worked on first, if present.

Maybe hire a reflective practice psychologist. Rather than resilience. It's a bit like supervision but with a neutral party so you can be a bit more open

Resilience isn't an identity, we mistake it for that, frequently. It's a set of behaviours - focussed on msinraining physical and emotional health, being able to problem solve, being able to persevere etc.

You asked why, I answered, you reacted in a rude and reactive way. I don't agree with everything people say but I don't do that.

Why do you think you you did that? What prompted you?

How eloquent. Care to state which part you consider to be "rubbish"?

My dad used to say “You can’t go far wrong with the truth” and he was so right

@JandamiHash yes I think somewhere in the middle is best. And so much of it starts in childhood. The truth always is my parenting philosophy. No matter how ugly. You ask, you'll get the truth. I don't think mollycoddling helps.

But it's so much more complex than this.

I've just been doing a course on this via FutureLearn (free). Some of the thoughts discussed last week I was already aware of but some were new.
The idea of treating resilience in a holistic manner has prompted me to look at areas I lack (time outdoors, exercising, relaxing) and understand that if I don't meet these requirements, I will fail at the meer mention of a change/ set back.
I'm looking forward to this week's session (it's only a 2 session course and mainly just watching videos and interacting with peers about our own thoughts).
For what it's worth, I do think resilience can be learnt.

I think people who’ve had hardships in life obviously have better resilience and perspective. The amount of young adults who crumble these days because something doesn’t go their way is quite alarming.

If your child doesn’t have a natural hardship then saying no, letting them go without now and again, and keeping perspective and not pandering the every problem in a permissive parenting “Your voice matters, darling” kind of way helps.

Also not avoiding heartache and not being afraid of child your child being upset.. I know people whose children aren’t told when their great grandparents died! The parents just hoped they didn’t notice!! All in the name of keeping them from being upset.

You can’t learn it on a training course. Resilience comes from a life time of perseverance through adversity or through participation in competitive sports.

I think strategies to support resilience can be taught. Also work van be done in the environment (might not take away as the barriers and problems but can solve some be being more psychologically informed(.

I work in a similar environment but paediatric and the current funding is on TRIM training (https://www.marchonstress.com/page/p/trim) not sure if that's something you are familiar with?

We have also had training I've felt helpful which incorporated ACT therapy principles

You can teach coping methods and stress management techniques. There's mindset. But there are other factors at play.

Critical care is one of the more stressful jobs around due to the nature of the job. Things like not able to get food breaks, working up to 18 hours because somebody called in, and shift work and too many patients per nurse and lack of support staff and the emotional toll of dealing with death. Having 9 vents because two people called in and management didn't bother to get anyone else in.

The health service needs to look at the actual job conditions people are working under. Look at shitty management.

Like the very first reply, from your title, I was coming on to say "Yes, and it is really important that parents do that", because I do think teaching children resilience from when they are young is a great thing for a parent to do but I don't think it is something you can go on a 3 hour training session and learn, as an adult, no.

So I don't know which way to vote.

Absolutely this.
Not NHS, but also public funded.
Forced to waste an afternoon with some trainer teaching you it would be good to go outside and stand by a tree and breath in the air, whilst continually adding to a caseload that would have kept 4 people busy.

Yes I agree with this.

@Knowitall69 I do try 🤷‍♀️😆

Another ramble but an eloquent one.

This is useful; thank you. (Your DD sounds similar to mine. Mine is 11, just started at secondary school.)

She’s 11. Year 7 at school.

This post by @Tapofthemorning is probably one of the most insightful and accurate on here. Nothing rambling about this.

I understand that we need people in society who are more impervious to suffering. We even need people with somewhat psychopathic and sociopathic tendencies in some areas of life I believe in order to do things that may be for the greater good.

Certain people do well in the military and we need them. A huge proportion of these guys however come out utterly fucked up, homeless, suicidal and dead. Resilience training is not erasing this outcome.

For our collective well being, yes I'm glad there are some people who can do what others can't.

Support the staff, improve their circumstances, do things that are probably not achievable right now and you wouldn't need to gaslight them with these training programmes.