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Original poster

Ex kicking off over present

108 replies

Woodstocks · 20/01/2025 12:17

My step child turned 8 last week and wanted expensive branded rugby boots. My husband gifted them to him but bought a used pair. Now his ex is kicking off and spoiling the present for the son by berating the present because they aren’t brand new shoes.

Are we unreasonable for not buying a growing child brand new boots that get used once a week at practice? We ourselves also buy the majority of clothes from charity shops.

The way the request was phrased it sounded like the son asked for the boots and then got told to ask his dad for them (probably because they aren’t brand expensive!) and now she’s kicking off that he doesn’t love his son and doesn’t want good things for him because of this.

OP posts:
Wolfhat · 20/01/2025 12:27

I also buy vast majority of clothes second hand. I would absolutely buy a pair of occasion heels for a one off event second hand but I would buy new for trainers/ everyday shoes.

I think particularly exercise footwear as they can stretch to fit the foot, get scuffed or stretched and are obviously quite quickly damaged. Normally I would say it depends by what you mean second hand? Ive seen basically new 'second hand' where the child tried them on once in the house and didnt get on with them or quit the sport and theyve been gathering dust.

That said, it was a present and Id feel a bit let down, particularly if it didnt have the box and wasnt shiny and new, thats part of the fun. If it was out of budget it maybe should have been a conversation. Yes but theyll be second hand or you can choose your own new ones from this selection.

DaisyChain505 · 20/01/2025 12:27

It’s none of her business at the end of the day.

Tell her respectfully to mind her own business.

If your step son is happy with them that’s all the matters.

Dotto · 20/01/2025 12:27

Pamelaaaaarrr · 20/01/2025 12:25

Despite the previous posters, it's actually really usual for people to have secondhand football boots - especially with growing children who don't get much use out of them. (Husband has been a coach for 10 years, we see a lot of children and a lot of boots). They are expensive. My SS would rather have an expensive secondhand pair rather than a cheap pair from Sports Direct. There's a big market in secondhand football boots. If the ex wants brand new shoes, she's welcome to procure these for herself.

That's interesting.. I suppose any bacteria and fungus will be killed by a good spray.

Pamelaaaaarrr · 20/01/2025 12:25

Despite the previous posters, it's actually really usual for people to have secondhand football boots - especially with growing children who don't get much use out of them. (Husband has been a coach for 10 years, we see a lot of children and a lot of boots). They are expensive. My SS would rather have an expensive secondhand pair rather than a cheap pair from Sports Direct. There's a big market in secondhand football boots. If the ex wants brand new shoes, she's welcome to procure these for herself.

HPandthelastwish · 20/01/2025 12:24

What sort of gift? A just because gift which would be fine or an actual birthday or Christmas gift? Which would be less so.

DD rugby club have used boots that you can have for a £5 donation to the club but I wouldn't give them as a gift.

Dotto · 20/01/2025 12:24

How used were they? Assuming they were clean, barely used and not smelly at all I don't think he was being unreasonable.

I'm not sure I've love a sweaty pair of 2nd hand sports shoes though personally. What does the 8yo think?

yeesh · 20/01/2025 12:22

second hand shoes is gross tbh, especially for sport where they would be more sweaty and dirty.

PierceMorgansChin · 20/01/2025 12:19

I wouldn't wear used shoes/boots and I would not allow my daughter to wear them. Gross

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