Ex kicking off over present

My husband was a football coach for 10years when our boys were younger and never bought the boys secondhand boots.

They are made from material to mold very quickly to the shape of the wearers foot. And wearing sports shoes that do not fit correctly lead to injury and foot problems down the road.

Football kits were a different matter, i bought so many second-hand kits!

Giving secondhand boots as a gift I think depends on the household norms and the budget.

Cost of living is high – if the budget was tight, it may only have allowed secondhand boots if he wanted branded ones, or secondhand boots may have meant the father could also get his son a couple of other bits he wanted. Surely we're not going to criticise that, as long as the boots were in good condition?

Similarly, if as a household, they openly give each other good quality secondhand stuff as presents, including adults to each other – then fair enough. There are a variety of perfectly good reasons to make that choice from environmental to financial.

I think second hand trainers are a bit grim. I can understand someone buying them if they were really very hard up but definitely not an appropriate birthday present. Did you disinfect them?

It’s not unusual to buy rugby/football boots second hand. Friends seem to get bargains off vinted of barely worn boots but I don’t seem to find them. They’re often only £5-£10 cheaper than a brand new pair so I just buy new. However, if I were to buy a pair second hand, they would just be given to wear, not given as a gift, unless you’d had this conversation beforehand and they understood they could have the expensive option but they wouldn’t be brand new. Imagine opening your birthday present to find a second hand pair of boots you weren’t expecting. I think I’d be miffed too.

Nothing wrong with 2nd hand, imo, but other people may feel differently. If she falls into the latter camp, she may feel it's stingy and unhygienic.

As a child with fast growing feet and an expensive taste in football boots, we have done second hand, yes even for birthdays. We did explicitly tell him that we would be willing to buy a new, branded expensive pair once his feet stop growing.
As PP have said, he would rather this than a brand new pair that cost the same from Sports Direct

Second hand boots for necessity I can understand, although DS absolutely trashes his on the pitch (mud, wet, scuffed). For a gift that is pretty poor though.

Do you have other children OP? Does your partner pay maintenance? Second hand boots for a birthday seems cheap

Trainers / everyday boots for sure, but my son’s footy boots are usually in very good condition and his little brother wears them. I don’t think it would ne obvious at all that they are second hand He is still pretty young, at the age that he outgrows them at least every season, and if you need a new pair halfway through the season that’s only half a season each pair; you only wear the boots on grass.

It's none of ex's business what presents your dh gives. Saying dh doesn't love his son is just horrible and wrong. Ignore her.

You gave ss the present he asked for. If he is happy, that's all that matters.

I wouldn't ever buy second hand gifts as presents . For me maybe if it was something I loved but definitely not for someone else .

My DSs play football, it's perfectly normal for kids to wear second hand football boots (and I assume the same is true for rugby), maybe not for a birthday present though. So I think YABU as it's his birthday.

Interesting ....makes sense though.

I agree that passing down used rugby/football boots through clubs is totally normal. However I do think if it is a birthday present then new would have been nice. In my ds sport they also pass on kit etc as well second hand.

He'll be wearing socks after all and charging about in the mud. The ex sounds quite odd. Now some sports equipment is critical. I'd never consider a secondhand helmet - you can't know whether somebody came off a horse and hit hard with it. But lightly worn rugby boots wouldn't get me concerned.

No problem with second hand rugby boots, but it's a rubbish present. (and I speak as someone who's happy with second hand presents, and has both given and received them when it's something that otherwise would have been too expensive)

New boots for a present, or second hand rugby boots because he needs them, and something else for the present.

I'm sorry, I'd never buy used sports boots, especially not for a birthday. If you couldn't afford them then I would have just said no to that particular gift or given him what I could afford in cash and let him pool his birthday money for them.

How much is a pair brand new? How much did you pay for the second hand ones? Were these his only present? If you paid under £30 and that was his only gift, then I'd be annoyed too.

Nope - anyone who is in the kid/teenage football bubble knows it's completely normal!

I used to give my children the option-an excellent condition second hand expensive pair or a new pair of cheaper ones. Or the expensive ones as a birthday or Christmas present. This applied to most sports equipment.

Id buy second hand sports shoes for my kids but would buy new for everyday shoes.
Lots of second hand stuff is in amazing condition.

Personally I wouldn't be a fan of used shoes/ boots but when DS2 tried out rugby they had a box of boots so that kids could see if they liked it first.

But if he's only training once a week surely a decent pair from Decathlon isn't too expensive?

Round here it is entirely normal to pass outgrown football/rugby boots on. The kids trade them at school as well.

Most of the time, they have barely been worn, let alone remotely worn out.

Edit to add: I have never paid or asked for money for secondhand boots, but only because I can afford not to, and as most of them are being handed on, I am also being given a pair by someone else. It is all a bit circle of life. Would happily pay for secondhand if it fitted with the local 'system'.

My DS has 15 pairs of football boots, in varying sizes. All only worn at most a dozen times, all look almost new. Is it really gross to pass them on to second hand?

Hmm, buying used boots maybe, sounds like it's not that unusual, but as a birthday present it may seem stingy if that was the only gift or unless your partner is very strapped for cash