Ex kicking off over present

The OP said the shoes looked New, she even thought they were. So he wasn't gifted disgusting moldy muddy shoes. I'm just sorry his mum took all the joy out from his gift...

Queen Elizabeth used to get a staff member to wear new shoes for a couple of days first to break them in, so they were softened up and comfortable by the time the queen wore them for long engagements (allegedly). If used rugby boots are in good condition, I honestly can't see how they would damage feet as long as they fit properly. It's not like they're shoes that the previous owner has worn for hours daily for months and worn the heels down on one side, for example.

What in the name of Thatchers wet dream consumerism is wrong with this thread 😂😂

I’m assuming the boots were in a good condition - absolutely nothing wrong with second hand occasional wear shoes for growing kids.

No wonder we’ve got a massive issue with mountains of rubbish and too many billionaires 🤦‍♀️

Lots of things are great second hand (I buy lots of very nice work suits on Vinted) but not shoes so much. And not sports shoes really. Unless sold as unused. Also maybe a bit mean to get as a present unless an extra or money is really tight. I don’t recall that any junior rugby boots were over £50 and most were around £35. Even the good ones. Obviously it’s relative to what you have to spend but on the face of it a pair of used rugby boots is not a great 8th birthday present.

All these perfect people on here with clearly lots of money 🙄 does nobody wash there trainers or boots anymore 🤔 my kids trainers get washed in the washer same with boots what is wrong with buying a second hand pair if there in good condition and washing them 🤔 NOTHING. Not everyone has the same finances and from the look of some of these replies no one has ever had hand me downs there a pair of boots ffs that will last him 12 months if there lucky if he was 18 yes 100% by new but at this age absolutely no point. He requested boots you gave him boots you've done what was asked no your not being unreasonable if his mother wants him to have brand new then tell her to get them 🙄

We shop in charity shops, vinted etc but I’ve always brought new shoes, football boots etc
My parents always brought us new shoes when we were small, despite having to watch every penny and when my first was born they said if I struggled to keep up with his ever growing feet to let them know and they would purchase them, because shoes pick up the ‘faults’ of the previous wearer.
I don’t know how true that is for lightly worn shoes, but that phrase from them has stuck in my brain.
My footballing child has very particular tastes in trainers and football boots/astros, his are worn a fair bit but we always offer them to the football club to pass on because it seems having slightly worn popular brands of shoes are better then new less popular brands in the eyes of the children.
I don’t think I would have brought a used pair for his birthday present, because they are expensive both my older boys have a shoe budget for football boots/trainers of £35 from me. If they want a pair that is more expensive they fund the difference themselves, so for a recent birthday one of my boys asked relatives for money towards new football boots, I paid the first £35 (because you can buy a decent pair for that money) and then he added the rest from
his birthday money.
Could your stepsons parents not have gone halves on a new pair? That seems the easiest way to purchase bigger ticket items.

My 8 year old saw some low heeled boots in River Island.They were £40. No way was I paying that so she can wear them a handful of times. I saw them on Vinted, nearly new for £5 including delivery. I had one very happy girl on Xmas day! She’s also into a lot of obscure anime stuff that’s limited edition so she gets a lot of clothes and merchandise 2nd hand - and she knows it’s all 2nd hand and doesn’t care in the slightest. She’s just totally happy she got the thing she wanted as I’m sure the OPs stepson was!

All I can say is the people saying its gross . Any sports hockey football rugby they always pass boots over kids grow so fast and these were an expensive brand. But they weren't just being bought for useage they were bought as a birthday present that leaves me a little uncomfortable if you couldn't afford the brand he should have been told second hand in those or brand new in a different brand but that's just me I do feel presents should be a little special though I am all for and do use second hand shops not as gifts though

More people should give 2nd hand presents. Would prevent a lot of waste.

I think the fact it was a gift for a birthday is the issue. You don't buy people second hand presents. I would have given dc the choice of here is x amount towards new boots or there are these second hand (hope they were decent condition btw) that Iv seen online. Which would you prefer.
Also depends on income of the family and how much is usually spent on gifts

@CleftChin I would draw the line at secondhand gum shields - though I think that the situation described by your ds also happened at dd's school. Ds had his gumshield made especially for him at some expense and he certainly didn't pass it around!

The football boots that an 8 year old has worn a few times before growing out of the them (ie. hours in total), will not be old and smelly.

My sons have worn and passed down many, many pairs of second hand boots. It's wasteful.
Young children (we're talking about 8 year old here) could do well to learn that while their parents work hard to provide what they need, it is not good sense to spend upwards of £50 on a pair of boots that will be worn a few times, when there are perfectly decent secondhand ones available.
Lots of kids play on all weather pitches so they don't even get muddy.

I agree about buying new for a present though.

No some children with none will be very grateful! I just wouldn’t expect someone to give them as a main birthday present

I bought my dc second hand football boots, astro trainers, running shoes, trainers and they never complained. Also secondhand cadet boots. They need so many different types of shoes I'd be bankrupt if I only bought new. Ds went to a public school and they had a shop where you could get any used shoes for £5.

I wouldn’t have a problem buying second hand sports kit if I couldn’t afford new. Personally I wouldn’t want to wear someone’s smelly old shoes and wouldn’t expect my kid to. I work hard so they can have these things. I’d say mum probably couldn’t afford them so said why don’t you ask for them as a birthday present. To then get sent second hand ones I’d be fuming too! It’s like oh you’re just the step child these will do. Very sad. Sell them on and buy him the pair he wants from the sports shop!

Agree with the present thing, but wearing barely worn 2nd hand boots for a couple of hours (if that) once or twice a week will not damage feet.

I think there's two distinct AIBUs here though. Was your dh unreasonable to buy second hand rugby boots? Categorically not. I bought my son some Canterbury boots second hand myself fairly regularly and a bit of dettol spray and the job was good. Was he unreasonable to give something second hand (unless an antique or similar) and especially footwear as a birthday present? Abso bloody lutely. Nothing to do with privilege, most people just intrinsically know what's good form. My ds rides, but at age 14 he's 6ft tall and in a men's size medium. None of the horsey brands do stable wear for men so I scour the charity shops for stuff for he can wear to get covered in poo and grass and he's got a wardrobe full of Crew, Superdry and Hackett to trash while mucking out or practising. It would never enter my head to wrap any of it up for a present. I actually bought him riding boots as part of his birthday present this year and they were new. Tbf, the market in men's second hand size 10 riding boots is quite small anyway 😄 but it would never enter my head to buy second hand boots as a gift. Nothing to do with grimness, being privileged or working overtime (I'm salaried so I could work 24/7 and wouldnt earn any more!) Everything to do with knowing how to behave in certain situations.

Yeah i've always heard shoes is something you should never wear second hand as it can damage your feet. Especially as they are a birthday present they should be new. Who wants secondhand things as a present?

It's just common sense. My kids do speedskating, and their club actually rents out skates and skinsuits (the cut-proof suits skaters wear) for the season. It would be prohibitively expensive to buy new every year because the kids have outgrown their gear.

You are absolutely not unreasonable, the ex is. Of course it's sensible to buy a used pair for a fraction of the price, when the child is going to be using them once a week and will likely grow out of them by the end of the season. Also better for the environment.
To all of those people saying "used shoes are gross" - he'll be wearing them with socks, to run around a muddy field, not eat his lunch out of them. A brand new pair would probably look exactly the same after one use.

I don’t think your unreasonable for not wanting to purchase high end rugby boots for an 8YO but I think it’s a bit naff to buy second hand ones from a charity shop and then wrap them up for his birthday!

My son has also had about 10 pairs of studs and Astro barely used over covid and I cleaned them within an inch of their lives and gave the the charity shop, most appeared new and hope someone with kids and maybe struggling would make use of them.

Whole year from
one birthday to the next to put a little by for presents.

Think you have just handled this badly.

Second hand stuff is great, and for a gift (people can receive gifts outside of birthdays) then fine - I buy second hand shoes for my kids from Vinted, no way I'm paying £30 quid new for something they grow out of.

However for birthday it should be new, the kid didn't want other stuff, he wanted boots. You should have just bought the boots, you don't need to explain anything to an 8 year old. Also you probably could have paid via Klarna etc. If they were practically new how did anyone find out they weren't?

Finally the ex, why are they not buying the boots if they wanted them new?

I think this was poor judgement. Many people are 'funny' about used shoes. I buy a lot of 2nd hand but it wouldn't occur to me buy used shoes as a birthday gift. This is just odd. If the new pair were beyond budget, I would have simply opted for a different gift.