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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men are difficult

57 replies

mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 10:45

50% of people are men. 50% are women. I've lived in this flat for 5 years and 100% of the people who have caused problems are men. I don't want to live here anymore...

  1. Very quickly after moving in I became aware of a horrendous stench and my flat filled with blue bottles every time I opened the window. Turns out a man was living in self neglect and squaller.
  1. Self neglect man was taken into care, so we could all use our balconies and open our windows again. so the neighbouring man enjoyed his new found freedom to spend 24/7 smoking weed, singing and rapping on his balcony. It was unbearable. Man 2 threatened me when I complained.
  1. The next man decides he didn't like the cannabis smoke, from man 2, so he started burning copious amounts of incense, which I started having as allergic reaction to. I tried to discuss this nicely with man 3, but he reached the conclusion that I was actually in love with him and was angry that he had rejected me and was pretending to have an allergic reaction.
  1. Man 4 turned up at my door with a kitten calendar and some organic vegetables and thought he could save me.
  1. Man 5 turned up, he's a drug dealer, noticed I didn't go out much, so set up a camera to monitor my movements and followed me everywhere. Literally stalking me. I reported this to the police but they said it wasn't a police matter.

I'm trying to move out now. Is anyone aware of any flats that you can rent where men are not allowed to live? I mean this could have been a really nice home for me!

OP posts:
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Davros · 20/01/2025 19:52

@MemorableTrenchcoat I knew that was a dumb thing to say as I typed 😹

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 20/01/2025 15:32

mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 11:07

@NordicwithTeen whoops! But I think you can still understand my point. I mean, how many women stand on their balconies smoking weed and rapping?!

You'd be surprised you know!!

Caroparo52 · 20/01/2025 15:30

Yup. Agree .

Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 15:10

@MrsSchrute yes I was drunk at 11am this morning. I've had a nap since then and I am a bit more sober now. I hardly ever leave my flat now. I have probably left about twice in the last three months(except for to take the rubbish out). Days of the week and whether it's night time or day time don't matter to me.....makes absolutely no difference to my life.

I don't have a job, no

OP posts:
Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 15:06

@5128gap 🤣😆🤣 thank you you have made my day

OP posts:
MrsSchrute · 20/01/2025 15:01

mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 11:08

@NordicwithTeen yes, I am drunk so I didn't notice! These infuriating naughty men have driven me to drink.

You're drunk at 11am on a Monday morning?

5128gap · 20/01/2025 15:00

So now you know OP. The majority of MNetters live in an entirely different world from you, where its the women who are dealing drugs in filth and squalor, intimidating their neighbours, committing ASB offences and stalking each other. Meanwhile the men are quiet, gentle souls, who when not sitting silently in their immaculate sweet smelling flats, are dealing with disrepair and carrying each others shopping in. You really should be looking to move into a men's hostel OP, it sounds idyllic.

mossylog · 20/01/2025 14:58

mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:53

@mossylog following me in and out of the building and accompanying me wherever I go. I believe he wishes to recruit me to work for him. My flat would be an ideal additional premises for his business

Has he ever said that to you? Or even tested the waters?

Or is it more that this is a scenario you've thought was likely?

(I guess on the positive side, at least you think he sees you as a potential colleague!)

Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:53

@mossylog following me in and out of the building and accompanying me wherever I go. I believe he wishes to recruit me to work for him. My flat would be an ideal additional premises for his business

OP posts:
LadyIsInLove · 20/01/2025 14:52

mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 10:45

50% of people are men. 50% are women. I've lived in this flat for 5 years and 100% of the people who have caused problems are men. I don't want to live here anymore...

  1. Very quickly after moving in I became aware of a horrendous stench and my flat filled with blue bottles every time I opened the window. Turns out a man was living in self neglect and squaller.
  1. Self neglect man was taken into care, so we could all use our balconies and open our windows again. so the neighbouring man enjoyed his new found freedom to spend 24/7 smoking weed, singing and rapping on his balcony. It was unbearable. Man 2 threatened me when I complained.
  1. The next man decides he didn't like the cannabis smoke, from man 2, so he started burning copious amounts of incense, which I started having as allergic reaction to. I tried to discuss this nicely with man 3, but he reached the conclusion that I was actually in love with him and was angry that he had rejected me and was pretending to have an allergic reaction.
  1. Man 4 turned up at my door with a kitten calendar and some organic vegetables and thought he could save me.
  1. Man 5 turned up, he's a drug dealer, noticed I didn't go out much, so set up a camera to monitor my movements and followed me everywhere. Literally stalking me. I reported this to the police but they said it wasn't a police matter.

I'm trying to move out now. Is anyone aware of any flats that you can rent where men are not allowed to live? I mean this could have been a really nice home for me!

Men are very problematic I agree. I despise every single one of my male neighbours, we live in a small, neat block of council flats in a nice area. All of the men are insufferable, rude, aggressive and arrogant despite needing the council to house them/their families. Most, if not all smoke weed. Most, if not all drive super fancy huge cars. Most if not all, can never be bothered to throw the rubbish in the bin properly. The arrogance and entitlement of them is astounding.

Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:49

@Devilsmommy I m trying to move but it's going to take some time for this to happen.

Thanks it's okay, I am not in any disturbed by the responses to this aibu! It's interesting to see what people have to say. And this is aibu after all 😆

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 20/01/2025 14:49

Davros · 20/01/2025 14:44

It sounds like it's 100% of the sample size though. That would be enough for me, they all sound unhinged

Show quote history

I’m currently visiting a general hospital ward, and 100% of the six patients are at least 65. Can I therefore deduce that everyone in the UK, or even every patient in this hospital, is elderly? No, because the sample size is so tiny as to be meaningless.

mossylog · 20/01/2025 14:47

Man 5 turned up, he's a drug dealer, noticed I didn't go out much, so set up a camera to monitor my movements and followed me everywhere. Literally stalking me. I reported this to the police but they said it wasn't a police matter.

Did he put a ring camera watching the shared corridor? Or specifically looking at your door? It seems to me a drug dealer would care more about cops and rival dealers than his random neighbour. By followed you, you mean, he's following you out of the building to town? He comes out and bothers you when you leave the house? Or you always see him about? Because this could either be a very scary situation or absolutely nothing depending on what's happening.

Devilsmommy · 20/01/2025 14:45

mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:40

@Devilsmommy I'm glad you understand.

I think most on here do but for some reason they're being dicks today. Would there be any possibility of you moving to a different area at all?

Nothatgingerpirate · 20/01/2025 14:45

No, they are really quite simple.
Rather like spoiled, sulky, shouty, dirty overgrown children.
😂
Obviously, "not all men".
But most.
Never more!
👍

Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:44

I'm going completely insane living here. If things continue along this trajectory I will soon end up in a psychiatric hospital or prison. I think they are usually single sex are they not?? Yay!

OP posts:
Davros · 20/01/2025 14:44

MemorableTrenchcoat · 20/01/2025 10:48

What’s your AIBU? Women can be difficult too, and your sample size is much too small to be representative.

It sounds like it's 100% of the sample size though. That would be enough for me, they all sound unhinged

Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:40

@Devilsmommy I'm glad you understand.

OP posts:
Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:39

@Devilsmommy yes you get it. Many of the people who have commented on this thread would probably be terrified if they were in my shoes. No one can help. There is nothing the council can do, they have empathy for my situation, but there's a serious lack of housing here (private or social). The person who said JUST MOve.....where exactly? Where should I move to? A tent in the local park??

OP posts:
southpawsofthenorth · 20/01/2025 14:37

mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:21

@Mrsttcno1 you sound like a police officer. Do you work for my local neighbourhood police??! I am being sexually harassed. The police check that I am not being racist towards the man who is sexually harassing me. And they find that I'm not . So they wish him well and off they go!

Perhaps you should have started a thread just saying AIBU to say the police are idiots for ignoring my report that a drug dealer is stalking me?

It doesn’t really help that man 1 was presumably mentally unwell rather than wilfully antisocial.

Devilsmommy · 20/01/2025 14:36

mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:33

Okay thanks everyone, I will try to accept that iabu in this case. I will try to be kinder to the men in my community who like to sing, rap, stalk, smoke weed outside of my window 24/7, harass, turn up with presents etc etc. I will send a memo round to the other women in the neighbourhood that if they are being troubled in a similar way to just BE KIND.

And that's why men are getting worse with the sexual harassment. Because all us women need to just Be Kind. Fuck that!

Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:33

Okay thanks everyone, I will try to accept that iabu in this case. I will try to be kinder to the men in my community who like to sing, rap, stalk, smoke weed outside of my window 24/7, harass, turn up with presents etc etc. I will send a memo round to the other women in the neighbourhood that if they are being troubled in a similar way to just BE KIND.

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 20/01/2025 14:30

I don't know why everyone is being facetious today. They all know what you're saying. I've lived in a block of flats like you describe and yes an annoying amount of the men who lived there did try chatting me up and getting quite pushy with it when you say not interested. As a pp said, it's not the same with women because the level of threat you feel from a man is completely different to a woman. It seems like nowadays men think they're entitled to make women feel completely uncomfortable and they just don't care. Have you tried speaking to anyone from your local council because surely someone should understand why a single woman in your position would feel scared and harassed at the constant attention from these men

southpawsofthenorth · 20/01/2025 14:29

I doubt there are no women who self neglect or smoke weed tbh (drug dealers I’m not sure) but the sexual harassment you can obviously do without. Though I can’t blame man 3 for the incense, weed kinda stinks

Original poster
mylovelyboycat · 20/01/2025 14:24

@Behindthethymes yes I would. Are you offering me a space? Will I need to pay rent? Can I bring my cat to the convent .....he is a boy cat but he is very weird behaved and he is also very cute?

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