To think couples who can’t afford IVF shouldn’t try to crowdfund it?

While I think that there should be significantly more support for foster carers and adopters, part of the reasons why people are reluctant to adopt a child here is that children who are eligible for adoption have generally been through trauma. Because of easy access to contraception and abortion and a (not generous but existent) welfare system) there are almost no newborn babies relinquished for adoption because of unwanted pregnancy or a mother choosing to give the baby up because she can't afford to keep it. Adoption is a very different route to parenthood than having a baby. There can be huge difficulties common with adopting a child and glossing over that hurts the child and risks a failed adoption (and more trauma for the child involved).

It's crowdfunding. People have the right to ask for anything that's legal. That simple. You as an individual make an individual decision as to whether or not to give.

@Fairyliz Average age of first time buyers is 33. Assuming you're waiting for some sort of stability, and let's face it on here and elsewhere you'll be vilified if you don't, that doesn't give you a big window of natural fertility left. Allowing 2 years to try and conceive naturally and you're at the point where things go downhill naturally. If you've spent the last 10 years saving frantically for an elusive house deposit which needs to keep increasing and then sunk all those savings, you've then got to start saving again to find the IVF money against another clock to try and be successful.

None of this makes sense. The people crowdfunding fall into the category of those who choose to share details?
I don't understand your objection.

I guess its hard to know when to stop in some situations. If you have a child with a life-threatening illness, you'd likely keep going and do all you could to save your child. For people who want a baby, perhaps they see it that way? Wouldn't you do anything to save the life of your children, if you have any?

Is it fair that only wealthy infertile couples can get IVF? No one holds a gun to people's heads to make them part with their money so those who think its unfair can continue their lives completely unaffected by it.

It used to be that asking for money from strangers, i.e. 'fundraising', was only socially acceptable if it was strictly for charity, or a worthy communal cause such as a village hall. It was absolutely not on to ask for money for yourself.

The line between fundraising and begging is whether you are doing it for charity, or doing it for your own benefit.

Personally, the only beggars I give to are the cold and miserable ones on the street.

Does this come from a personal situation, OP? Did you have to pay for your own IVF?

@DearOpalFinch would you say there should be no child/childcare -related benefits given to families then? Because they should be able to afford to raise their children on their own?

People crowdfund for all sorts of stuff. Medical bills due to not having taken out travel insurance, funeral expenses, living expenses in times of difficulty, experimental medical treatments .. Why not IVF? I don't love the whole idea of crowdfunding this stuff but there's no obligation.

Maybe get irritated at the high cost of ivf that makes crowdfunding necessary if you feel that strongly about it ?

TBF, needing to pay for childcare isn't a given. Plenty of people have family help and/or work around the other parent's shifts.

And the other expenses are easier to manage because they're more regular, rather than involving a substantial payment upfront. DH and I have never had any issues affording our kids, and we've an above average income, but we still probably wouldn't have been able to pony up thousands upfront if we'd needed IVF. Waiting while you save up may also be counterproductive.

I don’t see why not. No one is forced to pay into a crowd funder.

I would assume that if the significant costs are covered by donations, then the other childhood expenses would be covered by the working parents, as usual.

I can only imagine these people are in the depths of desperation, as are most people who are told they are infertile and desperately want to be parents.

Think before you judge.

As someone who paid for ivf I do understand the longing for a child.
However if people can’t afford to save for ivf how on earth can they afford a child?
It’s not just the cost of food, clothes equipment etc but the horrendous cost of childcare or loss of earnings if you become a sahm.

Also, what about people who fund their lives on inheritance ? Or who happen to be gifted thousands from a wealthy aunt? Does it make a difference that they haven’t funded their lifestyle/children independently, but by the sheer luck of familial wealth?

I think if you think this way it would be worth exploring deeper into why. People live their life with no inherited wealth whatsoever and could never dream of affording the ludicrous expenses involved in IVF. Why would you deny them the opportunity to ask and potentially receive help from someone more generous than yourself?

I have seen lots of posts on here and on other forums where the OP is struggling with various things and posters have encouraged them to set up a go fund me or similar.

Some posts seem to really tug at the heart strings for some reason and a lot of money has been raised. Then there are some people who make huge efforts with sponsored events etc and raise £12. I have dc with SN and so I know a lot of parents in a similar situation. Some of them do a lot of fundraising to pay for therapies and equipment that isn't available on the NHS.

I think it's difficult to draw the line as to what is morally ok. I think as long as you are not targeting vulnerable people who can't afford it then it's ok. I do find it uncomfortable that some people get loads of money from these things and others in the same situation don't get anything. I also think it's so sad when there are some children in hospital who have loads of visitors and support while others, there is one parent who is struggling with a lively toddler and very little chances to go to the loo or get food for themselves. I know that's always how it's been but with the internet you know more about the people who get more support because they are popular.

PS sorry to be awkward but it's cosmetic surgery, not plastic surgery. Plastic surgery and also reconstructive surgery covers things that aren't always the patient's choice. Cosmetic surgery is surgery that you choose to have like getting your breasts made bigger. Again, sorry to be picky about this but my son has a big plastic surgery coming up that I wish he didn't need and I hate it when people talk about plastic surgery like it's all breast enhancements and trying to look younger/thinner.

Happy for them to crowd fund it. Its then up to people whether they choose to donate. I don't think it should be funded by the NHS, which is overstretched as it is

@AlmostAJillSandwich Stopping medical intervention on anyone over 75 would also be a very effective means of population control. Very very unpopular but very effective. Whilst we're at it, let's go back to the good old days of half of children dying before their 5th birthday. I hope you'll be be refusing any offers of medical intervention as it's an extension of life which, as you put it, "wasn't supposed to happen".

How on earth is this affecting you? Good on them!

I sort of agree with this too. Maybe we should also place more value on having a good life without children, rather than seeing it as something to be avoided at all costs. I say that as someone who couldn’t have children but I still have a good life.

Exactly, asking folk for money does result is some folk saying 'I have to donate, to show support for my friend
This is a different issue though. Anyone who crowfund with the expectation to receive up to what they are asking and putting pressure on anyone to do so, is just not a person who does so considering it a blessing to have the opportunity. It is a person with a sense of entitlement. I wouldn't be too bothered if I were to upset someone like that anyway.

People DO crowd fund for plastic surgery and expensive holidays. All the time, actually. And some very successfully.

You can think on a personal, case by case basis that the person asking is selfish, entitled, or rude CF. Whatever you want really. You can also be jealous of whatever level of success they happen to get. Say, one persons whole wedding was crowdfunded while you worked hard to pay for yours and it wasn’t nearly as lavish. You wonder why they get help while you didn’t. Simply, they asked. But they also have to face the lifelong CF implications, so it’s up to you to decide if it was worth it.

I think IVF is one thing I couldn’t judge. It might be this persons only shot at having a baby and they’re just exhausting all options to fulfil it. You surely can’t get mad at anyone crowdfunding potential life saving medical treatments or someone terminal’s last wish, can you? No one is forcing anyone to contribute.