Page 12 | To think couples who can’t afford IVF shouldn’t try to crowdfund it?

Dryerjanuary · 20/01/2025 10:57

Children are expensive. IVF is expensive privately, but the cost of bringing up a child for 18 years is far more expensive. If you can’t afford IVF maybe you shouldn’t have it until you can

Hurrayakitten · 20/01/2025 10:56

DearOpalFinch · 20/01/2025 10:37

Having a baby is a personal choice. Is it fair to expect strangers to pay for it?

Do you have experience with infertility? Nobody is forcing anybody to contribute. Just don't. Done.

You also understand that infertility isn't a choice in the same was as starting a family???

Original poster

DearOpalFinch · 20/01/2025 10:55

Nogaxeh · 20/01/2025 10:44

Why do you think you are "expected" to contribute to someone else's IVF?

I don’t think anyone is expected to contribute to someone else’s IVF and I completely understand that crowdfunding is voluntary - no one is obligated to give. My point is more about the principle of it. IVF is such a deeply personal and emotional journey, and it feels like something that might not naturally lend itself to public fundraising.

I think my discomfort comes from the idea of framing a personal desire, like having a baby, as something others might feel pressure to help fund. Even if there’s no expectation, there’s often an emotional appeal that could make some people feel obligated to contribute. It’s not necessarily wrong, but it raises interesting questions about what’s considered appropriate for crowdfunding and how we as a society view personal vs collective responsibility.

OP posts:

MidnightPatrol · 20/01/2025 10:55

People crowdfund for all sorts of things.

No one is obliged to contribute.

TBH I think it’s better than asking friends and family directly, who may then feel under pressure to contribute.

gannett · 20/01/2025 10:54

Would we feel the same way if someone crowdfunded for a wedding or a dream holiday?

Yes, and that would be not feeling much about it at all. This is very small beans to get outraged about. I would probably not donate - but then maybe if they were my friends, I would, because I might know more of their back story than I would about random strangers.

They're free to ask for whatever they want. You're free to not donate. Roll your eyes and move on.

ViciousCurrentBun · 20/01/2025 10:52

I have never donated to a personal crowdfund, I only donate to local and national charities. My friend wanted me to donate it was a worthy cause. But I knew too much about her finances, she is an over sharer and could afford what the crowdfund was for.

KimberleyClark · 20/01/2025 10:51

DearOpalFinch · 20/01/2025 10:49

That’s different. Taxes are part of a broader system meant to support society as a whole, whereas crowdfunding is more personal and targeted.

When someone asks strangers directly to fund something like IVF, it feels more like asking for a specific favour rather than contributing to a shared societal good. It’s not that I don’t empathise with the struggle of wanting a child - it’s just that it raises questions about where we draw the line for what’s appropriate to ask for publicly. Would we feel the same way if someone crowdfunded for a wedding or a dream holiday?

Show quote history

So having children naturally is a societal good, and should be funded, but IVF is just a selfish indulgence?

Silvertulips · 20/01/2025 10:51

My thoughts are IVF isn’t guaranteed: it might work it might not:

The money might go the IVF or it might not.

We never know unless we know the couple involved:

Choccyscofffy · 20/01/2025 10:51

Why pick on infertile women, OP?

Where’s your indignation at people who don’t get travel insurance and then want to crowd fund their medical treatment abroad?

toastofthetown · 20/01/2025 10:51

People can crowd fund for whatever they like and other people can decide if they want to donate or not. Deciding to have a child is a personal choice but by the time a couple is needing IVF they’ve already made that decision. They aren’t crowd sourcing opinions on whether to have the child or if IVF is the right route for them. By the time the crowdfunder is up that decision is made. They’re asking if people are willing to help with the financial aspect of IVF.

Original poster

DearOpalFinch · 20/01/2025 10:49

KimberleyClark · 20/01/2025 10:43

Aren’t everyone’s babies partly paid for by strangers, via taxation, including by people who don’t or can’t have children?

That’s different. Taxes are part of a broader system meant to support society as a whole, whereas crowdfunding is more personal and targeted.

When someone asks strangers directly to fund something like IVF, it feels more like asking for a specific favour rather than contributing to a shared societal good. It’s not that I don’t empathise with the struggle of wanting a child - it’s just that it raises questions about where we draw the line for what’s appropriate to ask for publicly. Would we feel the same way if someone crowdfunded for a wedding or a dream holiday?

OP posts:

Starryknightcloud · 20/01/2025 10:48

Hope you had private births, privately educated your kids and don't claim any child benefit etc OP. Your children are your personal choice after all.

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 20/01/2025 10:48

DearOpalFinch · 20/01/2025 10:43

I guess what bothers me is the underlying idea that some things, like having a baby, are deeply personal choices. Crowdfunding makes it feel like those personal decisions are being shared in a way that almost expects others to take responsibility for them.

I think it’s great if people want to help, but it also raises questions for me about what we consider appropriate to ask for support with. Would we feel the same if someone crowdfunded for something like plastic surgery or luxury expenses? I suppose it’s not so much about the asking itself but the way it changes the boundaries of what’s considered private and public.

Show quote history

The boundries of what is private and public has been changing for years though.

It's not always a bad thing imo.

If a couple is struggling with infertility then why shouldn't they ask for help?

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 20/01/2025 10:45

Crowdfunding makes it feel like those personal decisions are being shared in a way that almost expects others to take responsibility for them.

They can expect all they like, but as you will see from the amounts raised for this kind of thing, others don't agree.

QuimCarrey · 20/01/2025 10:45

YABU.

People can crowdfund what they want. Others are free to donate or not. It isn't for you to decide what either group should be doing.

Nogaxeh · 20/01/2025 10:44

Why do you think you are "expected" to contribute to someone else's IVF?

ThighsYouCantControl · 20/01/2025 10:44

Meh I couldn’t care less about whether someone crowdfunds for fertility treatments. Probably wouldn’t donate unless I cared about the people personally. What pisses me off is when someone goes on holiday abroad, especially somewhere expensive, doesn’t pay for travel insurance, gets sick or injured and asks other people for money to pay their bills. Usually excusing it with “we didn’t know we’d get sick/hurt”.

KimberleyClark · 20/01/2025 10:43

Aren’t everyone’s babies partly paid for by strangers, via taxation, including by people who don’t or can’t have children?

Original poster

DearOpalFinch · 20/01/2025 10:43

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 20/01/2025 10:38

Why not?

Nobody is forced to give, people who choose to will.

I've seen a lot of crowdfunders for a lot of reasons, but they don't annoy me, I just scroll on by.

I guess what bothers me is the underlying idea that some things, like having a baby, are deeply personal choices. Crowdfunding makes it feel like those personal decisions are being shared in a way that almost expects others to take responsibility for them.

I think it’s great if people want to help, but it also raises questions for me about what we consider appropriate to ask for support with. Would we feel the same if someone crowdfunded for something like plastic surgery or luxury expenses? I suppose it’s not so much about the asking itself but the way it changes the boundaries of what’s considered private and public.

OP posts:

Printedword · 20/01/2025 10:43

I'm a bit of a traditionalist and think it's fine to have a sponsored walk, cycle etc. but other things are usually a bit of an admission the state failing etc.

Whyherewego · 20/01/2025 10:42

Ultimately if people want to donate for IVF or people who travel without health insurance then it's up to them.
People only crowd fund because people give them money, if people stopped then it would stop.
Personally I don't think the NHS in its current state should be funding any IVF or indeed a bunch of other stuff. We are in crisis and need to drastically prioritise spend. It's heartbreaking if you can't have a child I do get that but we can barely manage to treat people in A&E and I think hard lines will need to be drawn. But that's a whole other thread.

Comedycook · 20/01/2025 10:42

Yanbu

The world has changed so much in terms of this kind of thing. Where is people's pride.... previous generations would have found asking others for money to be mortifyingly embarrassing.

BeaAndBen · 20/01/2025 10:41

People can attempt to crowdfund whatever they want. It’s perfectly ignorable.

MidnightPatrol · 20/01/2025 10:40

People aren’t forced to contribute though.

People might like donating to help others.

LadyKenya · 20/01/2025 10:40

Why do you think that they should not appeal for help OP?