Husband talks non stop about his interests and it’s killing me - AIBU?

Tell him to save it for work, when he’s got someone in the chair with a mouthful of instruments who can’t say ‘You’re boring me’?

Honestly, OP, I don’t understand why you don’t just stop him, and tell him your interest in neurology is minimal.

Does he do any of that play with toddler?

You need to get in there first and talk at him for 1-1.5 hours about all the plots of your most recent reads. Don't let him get a word in.

Then later, ask how he found that.

Yes I know a lot of ND people and this is common, monologue talking at you. I switch off or just get blunt, hints don't work!

You need to tell him.

Whenever my husband has a drink he monologues. Literally talks and talks at me for hours. He doesn't want a conversation, he wants an audience and it's unfair. He has had me in tears before because he followed me round from room to room after HOURS of talking at me, even after I had begged him to stop.

And that is exactly what I told him. You don't want a conversation, you want an audience and I'm not doing it any more.

Now he makes an effort not to be like that and when he starts, I tell him that he's doing it again and I'm leaving the room.

Have you asked him if he could listen to you talk about a subject he knows nothing about for 2 hours?

but he gets upset with me for not caring

But he's not caring or even noticing that you're bored shitless is he?

Amd why would you care? It's not interesting to you. You're allowed to not be interested.

Yeah I must admit I would say "I'm bored now, less words" to which his answer is normally "fewer words" .

We've been together a long time & this is fine for us.

But getting upset is not ok, you're a verbal hostage.

It is a well known fact that other peoples dreams are unspeakably dull.

I think you need to redirect with him about how this is making you feel. It’s making me feel anxious just reading about it here.

I'm blunt with my best mate, and tell him that I know he finds it interesting, but it's his interest, not yours so please don't tell you all about it. Rinse and repeat. It's become a bit of a standing joke now, where I say "are you taking to me about xx?" And I get a daft smile and a yuss. You don't have to listen! It's such an autistic thing that I really try not to do myself.

No no no, these types eyes DP don’t actually want a reasoned debate, or anyone to add their own views. It would spoil their fun completely.

I have a theory that as men get older they either lose their ability to understand social cues (i.e. when you’ve bored someone to death) or they simply don’t care. I think it’s hormonal.

My approach is to indulge my DH sometimes but when I’ve had enough just say, oh goodness I’ve got to do x, y and z and walk away purposefully. It is bloody annoying though and you would be entirely justified in saying “Would you mind if we change the subject” or simply “Gosh, I’m getting a bit of a headache, I’m just going to take my dinner in the other room and sit quietly with a book”. If he can’t accept those points, you have a bigger problem…

@eynjln There's crossover between ADHD hyperfocus and Autism special interest monologuing. Regardless of diagnosis or lack thereof, he needs to hear how you feel.

He doesn’t care about you if he won’t stop. Sorry.

It is unbelievably self absorbed to talk at someone for hours then get upset if they're not interested. The wonders of living alone raises its head again.

My eldest is like this, he has dyspraxia and ADD and we suspect he may be on the spectrum too. He would go on for hours if he could. So we try to get him to distill what he wants to say into 1 or 2 sentences. He has friends with similar interests at uni who he can "geek out" with. It's unfair for your DH to expect you to share his interest in a very niche subject.

It’s not you it’s him. You need to tell him that you love how passionate he is about this stuff but it’s his interest and not one you share in particular so you can’t be expected to talk (listen) about it for an hour or more.

I can’t underaged how you haven’t ended him!

Please tell him that it’s rude to talk at someone.

Can you start monologueing at him so he understands how painful it is?

I have ADHD and I would have gone crazy.

Sorry but can't you just be an adult and stop him after a bit and say

"Love, you've been going on now for nearly 20 mins and I can't follow this any more. I'd like to talk about my day too at some stage"

I'd think my partner was rude reading a book at the dinner table, same with checking their phone.

Are you intimidated by his annoyance if you don't let him bore you to tears for nearly 2hrs?

I may get flamed for this but a neurodiverse person can still be told that what they're doing isn't polite.

Does he ask you about your day, your interests, allow room for you to speak etc?

Yeah YANBU, he's monologuing and dominating the "conversation" and not letting you do anything but listen to him. This is not good. Him, not you. You need to try to talk to him about how it makes you feel when he makes you sit still and listen for hours on end about his interest. Ask him what he's getting out of talking AT you like this. Because if he's got empathy for others he shouldn't be treating you like a ragdoll who just sits there while he monologues. It might hurt his feelings but he's not caring about your feelings and you need to not be stuck on a regular basis while he wastes your time like this.