Hating his female best friend normal?

that's completely bs!! if I was you I'd get a man best friend and do all the things he's doing! fuck him ! he doesn't care about your feelings obviously. don't let anyone tell you any different!!

Don't be their 🤡.

Break up time.

Ugh, what a twat. If he really loved/respected you, would he minimise your feelings and tell you it’s your problem or would he listen, empathise and try to resolve? I think you know the answer.

Dd2 has 2 close male friends she has known for almost 15 years. She is married and her dh knows them and they have dinner etc sometimes. One even moved in during covid! Her dh does not feel threatened as dd2 obviously adores him and the friendships are not 'secret'.
I'd have to leave this bf if he showed no regard for my feelings and put his friend above me.

Couldn't agree with this more. He's enjoying playing his mind-games and life shouldn't be this hard for you. Please walk away for your own sanity.

My best mate is a man and i wouldnt change them for the world we have been taken to be a couple more than once but we laugh it off.
We know more about each other than anyone else.
Nothing would ever happen between us ever we dont see each other like that but hes there if i need him at the drop of a hat same as me to him.
We can call text and turn up at each others homes day or night no matter the time always welcome.
What some dont know is my bestie is full on gay men only.
My other best mate is a woman.
All 3 of us have known each other for over 30 years.
If anyone told me to stop talking to either one of them they would get my middle finger.

It doesn't matter what anyone on here thinks. The most important opinion is yours as you are the one that has to live with it. I think actions speak louder than words and you should end the relationship. I think he knows he is toying with your emotions and you should not tolerate it. You have told him how it makes you feel and his reaponse is to invalidate your feelings. So personally i would leave and not look back. He won't give you the love and peace you deserve.

If he prioritised spending g time with his lady friend over supporting you with a cancer appointment then I’m afraid this chap does not love you. It’s as simple as that. You can let him get on with it and distance yourself from him and see if that brings him back or you can end the relationship. You are not mad or ‘needy’ - heck we all need our partners when facing cancer. Otherwise what’s the point of a relationship? I would feel the same in your shoes.

Ignore anyone calling you insecure or needy. This is quite clearly more than just a platonic friendship and he seems to enjoy knowing it’s winding you up.
Walk away.

My first thought (and I’m not sure what this says about me) is that this woman doesn’t exist. Or at least not in the capacity that he tells you.
Invite her over for dinner, get to know her. See what she has to say…
Although it does sound like you’d be better off just walking away tbh. He sounds like a right insecure prat.

I feel this so much! I'm in a similar situationship myself except mine has been on for 14 years now. I'm a shell of my old self. Please don't do that to yourself. I'm 53 and have severe health issues and no other options but to stay. I was previously with my husband who passed away in 2007, who never treated me the way I feel treated now. I say this as a long distance friend that doesn't know you but there's nothing wrong with you, you are an amazing loving person and deserve to feel that way. I'd love to give you a long distance virtual bear hug and just squeeze you tight and tell you to just let go, things will be ok. I don't normally comment on anything, but I just felt compelled to tell you that. I hope your appt came back with some positive news

My best friend is a man. We have been friends for years Any bloke that tried to come between us would be sent packing frankly.

Should he not mention his friend? Keep her a secret?
Why haven't you met her? That's the only thing I would question

I feel this so much! I'm in a similar situationship myself except mine has been on for 14 years now. I'm a shell of my old self. Please don't do that to yourself. I'm 53 and have severe health issues and no other options but to stay. I was previously with my husband who passed away in 2007, who never treated me the way I feel treated now. I say this as a long distance friend that doesn't know you but there's nothing wrong with you, you are an amazing loving person and deserve to feel that way. I'd love to give you a long distance virtual bear hug and just squeeze you tight and tell you to just let go, things will be ok. I don't normally comment on anything, but I just felt compelled to tell you that. I hope your appt came back with some positive news.

Regardless of their gender, if I’d been in a relationship with someone for three years and hadn’t met their best friend something is off and wrong.

I'm married and have a male best friend who works with me and I've known for 20+ years. I do talk a lot about him to my husband (his opinion on things, advice, etc) mainly because we do spend quite a lot of time together... but he has no reason to be jealous as I don't keep them apart! They know each other, we are invited to dinner very often to his house, etc etc. How come you don't know this Maggie person? That's the main thing I find weird. Why don't you ask to meet her?

That simply isn’t true. I have close male friends. Some of those friendships go back over 30 years and there were opportunities in the early days to make them sexual and neither of us wanted that. It’s bizarre to define sex as “more”. Sexual relationships are different. If my bloke had tried to demand that I gave up on those friendships he’d have been out the door.

Very good point

No, you're definitely not. Neither have any respect for you.

One of my close friends is male. He's married and so am I. Our respective partners know where good friends and meet up for lunch. I'm female. I have upmost respect for my husband and our relationship. I also have upmost respect for my male friend and his wife.

What they're doing to you is horrid and will cause you so much turmoil. If they can't back off making you feel like the 3rd person go find someone who puts your relationship first. All this is not worth it, this.man isn't worth it.

I think they both enjoy the drama of making you jealous. The fact you’re asking on a forum about the jealousy you feel means you don’t like this about yourself. Never, ever stay with someone who makes you not like yourself. Get rid of him.

Part of me is interested in if their friendship would survive not having someone to wind up for the drama.

This. Whatever the status of Maggie in his life, its making you upset, so there's no point continuing.

So, you or he have labelled yourself as jealous, maybe objectively (if that's even possible) you are but maybe you are just not, but it makes you in a strange way start being critical of your own behaviour rather than his. If he calls you this it's gas lighting.
I am not sure where you live but I have never had a straight man in his 50s in England say "I love you" in a platonic friendship. I have close male friends for 35 years, and we will say "I really value our friendship" - beyond that would feel a bit creepy.
I had an ex like this, had a "very close friend" messaged every day, spoke most days...never met her. And that's the odd thing, why haven't you met ? My guess is because there'll be something in their interactions that isn't quite right. It's playing mind games with you. Leave - he will start making you feel irrational, anxious on edge.

Men don’t have platonic female friends. Well, they may say they do, may even think they do, and may not ever go to bed with them. But somewhere deep down, they’d like more.

You can either live with that, or not. And as your BF sounds like an uncaring arse into the bargain, I’d move on sharpish.

You're not nutty at all! Although I do believe some male/female friendships can work it depends on the dynamic and this seems way off. I had a male best friend whi I had known for 18 years and when I went to his wedding my boyfriend at the time didn't feel comfortable with it, and I chose to stop being friends with him. Me and my boyfriend are getting married this year and I feel that you SO should be above all others and if something makes them uncomfortable you shouldn't do it.

This woman clearly has a strong bond with your husband and you SHOULD be worried especially because he won't let you read the messages between them.

I'd give him an ultimatum. Either let me see all the messages or leave!! It's not worth carrying on when she's basically there on the back burner.

Call it a day. I'm not sure what his motivations are and they're not worth unpicking but he isn't making you happy and Maggie's presence is part of that

If you don't like the situation you will need to walk away because he isn't going to change. You either accept it or, if you can't, go.

From what you have said, it sounds like a very close friendship rather than an affair. If he had a close friendship with another man instead, and discussed your marriage issues etc., would you still be jealous? If so, I think part of the problem lies with you because you're going to be jealous of closeness of any sort. Surely, if it was the other way round, you wouldn't want your partner telling you who you should be friends with? Or if you had a close female friend with whom you discussed your marriage issues, you wouldn't expect your partner to dictate what you did or didn't talk about?

But you will get a mixed response on here. There are some who believe that a partner is the one and only source of closeness and that men and women can't have good, close non-sexual friendships ever.
And there are others of us - I'm one of them - who think that men-female friendships can be loyal and close without it having any bearing on a marriage or monogamous partnership. I have a close male friend who is married but is happy to send 'love and hugs' on messages. I also belong to a volunteering group, mixed male and female, who send endless WhatsApp messages backwards and forwards everyday with xxx'x and hearts and so forth, all perfectly non romantic.

You need to decide what you can cope with and act accordingly, you will not change your partner.