Odd girl in daughters class

Asking someone if they have a period is not appropriate behaviour and not intrinsic to someone's being. Kids learn appropriate behaviour when others react negatively to bad behaviour.

My DD had her first period age 10 - and I know that girls at the time talked about it openly - so see that at least as a "normal" question. For the rest - talk to teaching staff. And in real life - your DD will come across people from all walks of life - warts and all. Part of growing up ;-)

This

I agreed with you right up to the last sentence. That’s just mean.

And it is appropriate when dealing with behaviours that are in opposition to that communities accepted rules and laws.

It is not appropriate or acceptable when the shame and exclusion is for things intrinsic to someone’s being - ND, skin colour, sexuality etc.

I call my kids loads of things affectionately. It does not mean I’m so stupid to think it would be ok to call someone else’s child the same.

It may seem extreme but it's true. People don't have enough shame these days.

Wow

Jesus Christ!

"Lumbered"?

What about dealing with the clear fact that the entire class are a bunch of bullying twats who need to ALL learn to be kinder to people who are different but harmless? What about inclusivity? What about it not being ok to ostracise anyone who is nice enough to be kind to the person who is a bit different?

And you are a teacher!!??!

This is just bollocks, sorry. I read the OP and the nanosecond l saw the word ‘odd’ l knew there would be a pile on. The way things are going future generations will all be dumb because there won’t be a single word left in the English language that doesn’t offend somebody.

The teacher sounds very inexperienced to have not noticed all of this. The whole class should be expected to interact with this child on some level and the teacher should model how to label behaviours they find inappropriate and uncomfortable so the children can hold their boundaries without her being completely excluded. If there are so many behaviours that are socially challenging that she can't maintain one single friendship then she needs much more support than she's getting, which I'd highlight to the teacher. I personally wouldn't make the conversation all about how my child wants to ditch this one so the others let her back in the gang!

Shaming and exclusion is how a functional society is formed and people learn what behaviour is appropriate.

Only on MN would one little word be so picked to pieces at the expense of actually addressing the OP’s concerns. OP wasn’t suggesting anything of what you’ve said here. From what she has said, the behaviour is odd, but it needs investigation before jumping to conclusions about the cause. You’re criticising OP for her words, which are measured, and she has explained that she doesn’t mean to offend. And yet you and others are very quick to assign an ND label to the behaviour without even having sight of the child.

Absolutely
you describe her as odd
not sure how you’d feel about others

ok I’ll leave you to it and hide thread 🤷

Because ‘odd’ in this context is a way of saying ‘not normal’ and we try very hard these days not to other people for things that are intrinsic to themselves.

Othering is a way to legitimise shaming and exclusion.

Odd has negative connotations that are entirely inappropriate when discussing someone’s personality and authentic self.

One of my children can be a bit odd a times, thank you. I'm ok with that?
There's room for plenty of personality types on the human spectrum and some are less common than others, so can be odd.

Teacher here - unfortunately I see this happen a lot. It is more convenient for teachers to partner up an unpopular child with a kind, sympathetic one and they will often encourage that. But it is not in the kind child’s interests as they can then get lumbered and then find themselves ostracised, as seems to be the case here. OP definitely needs to speak to the class teacher and ask for her daughter to be seated away from the other child, and not paired with her for PE or classroom activities. It’s too much for her to navigate on her own at that age so support is needed.

I call my own daughter odd in a positive way. I think it's quite a nice whimsical word.

Nah, my lovely daughter was described as odd a thousand times and frankly she was odd at school. When she was diagnosed with ASD at 10 nobody was surprised. Odd is very mild and there is nothing bad about being odd. I’m odd FFS.
So yeah you’re wrong.

As PPs have said, protect your dd first and foremost and speak to the school.

@FrenchFancie
Masking is fine. We all mask. I don't sit burping and farting in work meetings, whereas I might while watching TV at home, nor do I discuss my dog's dodgy tummy with a client, whereas DH and I will.

Masking is only problematic when people don't have a space to be authentic and accepted in, which is what was historically the case for autistic people. As long as they have a space where they are accepted it's ok to learn aspects of cultural norms to smooth the wheels - that is after all what everyone does.

Because it’s never used in a positive way. I think you’re odd to ask such an obvious thing. I definitely am not using that word positively about you. I mean there are a few other words I could also use.

I’m not offended
I don’t like a 10 year old child to be described as odd

and anyone who is 🤷 I’d be cool with my child being described by people as odd… is bull shitting

Same here.
But then I am odd, so... 😂

I'm confused as to why people are so offended by the word "odd". Seems a very tame and kind descriptor of this girls behaviour.

So hang on.
The girl is "odd" and a bit intense but not evil or bad.
Your daughter was kind and this child has latched on.
As a result none of the other girls will now play with your daughter and so she thinks she needs to cast the "odd" girl adrift
And 2 pages in not one other comment talks about the shocking behaviour of the other girls in the class, ganging up to ostracise someone who is different, AND anyone who is kind to her?

Damn right I would be having a word with the teacher. She has a lot more to deal with than how to support OP's daughter to extract herself from being kind to this girl.