Odd girl in daughters class

Definitely sounds like ASD. My son is 4 and has ASD. He has an intense interest in bugs, to the extent that from the age of 2.5 he had memorised whole books about insects. At 3 he was running around the playground with his insect book giving monologues about bugs to whoever would listen and not really getting it when other kids weren't interested. He can also be obsessive about friendships. He masks in preschool so it's not impacting his school life yet. I hate to think of others thinking he's strange or weird. I accept he's different to my friends kids. There always seems to be so much negativity towards those with ASD when actually alot of people on the spectrum are alot smarter than the average population, their brain is actually their strength.
But I get it. It's not fair if the other girl is upsetting your child and won't leave her alone.

I agree with you about the adults, as I said in my last post, the adults are failing this girl too.

Look, there's a middle ground here.
There's a space between "let's all not talk to the weird girl or anyone who is kind to her" and "let's all be friends and hold hands and sing kum ba ya". There's a space where the girl gets better support from the adults AND the children are told that whilst they don't have to be friends with Katie, it's not kind to run away when Katie walks over or tell all their friends to not talk to Katie.

Describing someone as odd and saying someone has odd behaviour are different.

I'm autistic I just hate being told I'm odd.

I agree this is the bit I’d be concerned about: now my daughter has found her other friends now don’t want to play with her.

The daughter’s so-called ‘friends’ sound mean. They’ve apparently shunned one girl and are now shunning another just because she’s friendly with her. That’s not kind. It’s discriminating mob mentality. Why do they care who else she’s friends with?

And maybe the start of it all was that the daughter befriended the girl because she felt sorry for her. That’s not a great starting point. You should be friendly to people to be sociable and kind, not because you feel sorry for people. No one wants someone elses’s pity.

And you know they are ND how, exactly ?

Ok to put it another way it certainly isn’t “odd” for a ND child.One big part of ND in girls and women can be destructive masking. It’s ok to be different and ND women and girls should not be under pressure to mask as it’s hugely damaging.

I agree with you - it’s been my main point throughout, but the thread reached a low point with this comment and l felt l had to respond. The OP has been chased from her own thread for the use of a word she thought would avoid labelling and found herself in a world of trouble from those perfectly willing to assign that label despite having absolutely no knowledge of the child. I just found it odd that a teacher of SEN children would come in for such nastiness considering they would probably have a better understanding than most of the armchair diagnosticians !!

This!

Op’s Dd will come across many,many kids that differ to her and aren’t her kind of normal at high school.

I'm struggling to see where you've made that connection lol.

No it's not. There is no "normal" behaviour for ND children. You're essentially lumping all ND children into one category with that comment.

so you agree that ‘odd’ is a loaded and negative word that you wouldn’t use to describe characteristics of a minority group. Glad we got that sorted.

It is usual and expected for an ND child to act this way. Completely normal.

Then you forget what being that age was like. Periods are something that happen one day, so for someone who has started, and perhaps feels alone in that club, it might be a big deal to them for their friend to start.

It's sad that your daughter is the only one who has reached out to this girl and that as a consequence others don't want to mix with her. She showed great sensitivity and awareness and it's sad that others couldn't have done similar. Hopefully the school will offer support to both girls and it can be resolved amicably.

The behaviour isn't odd for a ND child at all, it's completely normal.

This is exactly what I mean when I say kids learn appropriate behaviour when others react negatively to bad behaviour.

This. All day long.

Which could just as easily suggest a lack of support/isolation at home. The point is, OP has been castigated for using an appropriate word to avoid attaching a label no-one else has thought twice about.

But when the children are around this child the comment and behaviours make them uncomfortable. Why should they ensure that? As I said I'm nd myself and you can bet your life I avoid people who make me uncomfortable, If someone was following me around the place I'd call the police !
The children owe this child nothing. It's the adults who have a duty of care towards this child. For a start they need to explain to her that her behaviour isn't acceptable. I didn't find out I was nd until I was an adult and I wish an adult had sat me down as a child and said look we don't do these things, they make people uncomfortable. I'll be doing it for my own autistic child , teaching them how to pick up on the subtle social cues . This is what the adults need to be doing , not demonising the other children who can't deal with the behaviour

To suggest it is one thing but now everybody has decided she is that quite another.

I know it's no help, but how lovely that your daughter is so kind.💖
I'm sorry it's backfired on her but hope it won't put her her off showing kindness in the future.

I agree with you @Fundays12

The pp is right though everybody has just deceied this girl is autistic based on a couple of paragraphs, arm chair diagnosis at it's finest.

Can l just say how l interpreted this. I have a family member who has diagnosed mild mental health problems. They are manipulative and spiteful and will use MH difficulties at every turn to excuse their shitty behaviour. My friends’ son has ASD and treats his mum like garbage, despite the fact that for his whole life, she’s put her own needs far behind his to get him to where he is today. If she tries to tackle him about it, his condition is always the excuse. Both of these examples are of people with disabilities using their condition without shame, to manipulate and control. I’ve been a disability outreach worker for over ten years and l’ve seen my fair share of people exaggerating to get what they want. I think this is probably along the lines of what this poster meant.

To be fair, it's hardly a stretch to suggest that a girl who is socially isolated, talks excessively about bugs, and asks inappropriate personal questions has differences in their social understanding and communication.