Odd girl in daughters class

Exactly this.

Well, there’s a very valid argument about self ID.

I’m autistic (diagnosed). I was just as autistic pre-diagnosis as I am now.

I’m also gay. I know this about myself. Everyone else knows it about me. I didn’t have to go before a special panel of experts to observe me and question me and declare me officially gay.

Not necessarily those behaviours can overlap several NDs including ASC and adhd.

OP is likely repeating what dd has said. From OP’s dd’s perspective, the behaviour is odd. If someone followed me around saying ‘I worship you’ I would be weirded out.

OP’s dd is not yet equipped with the tools to recognise ND behaviour, she doesn’t have adult understanding that we have.

Who cares what you like? It's not your thread.

I was the “odd” kid (now diagnosed with Asperger’s)

it sucks being odd, being called odd. I was excluded and ostracised. It has had a profound and lifelong impact on my self-esteem and mental health.

and by the sounds of it school hasn’t changed much. That poor odd girl. I feel so sorry for her

but as some delightful poster has said “shaming and exclusion” is the only way we’ll learn.

But I’m still odd.

OP, I would suggest that the approach with your child's teacher should be along the lines of how can the school support all the children to accept and help this child and be inclusive, so that the burden isn't all falling on your child and she isn't being excluded from her other friendship groups if she continues to be friendly with this girl.

No but her traits (which err towards ND)have a right to be accommodated and not scorned. We don’t all have to be exactly the same. It’s exactly why ND girls fly under the radar for years with catastrophic results in the teenage years. Girls a bit different are scorned and expected to fit in so they mask. Boys who present as a bit different are seen as eccentric and their traits aren’t hidden so they don’t fly under the radar. It’s not ok and most schools should be aware of how ND can present differently in girls and boys alongside protecting girls with behaviours that mean they may or may not end up on the pathway.

OP your daughter sounds like a wonderful and compassionate person.

You might consider:

1] talking to the teacher to flag the issue and seek support

2] talking to your daughter about why some children behave 'oddly', and might be really interested in bugs (sounds like a special interest?) or have sensory needs that drive chewing or making noises. Some of those differences are covered

3] help her set boundaries with all the other children. She shouldn't have to talk about things she doesn't want to, and she should be able to be friends (or be friendly) with who she wants.

Good luck!

It would be odd for many "ND" children, eg. dyslexic ones. Not for autistic ones, though.

Autism is the diagnosis, not "ND".

My point is not whether the child is ND or not. No-one, including the OP, knows this child. OP tried to use language avoiding assigning that label and was chased off her own thread for some sort of perceived ableism. So yet again, the OP has left and posters are now left debating an issue that was never the point of the thread in the first place. I hope OP finds the advice she needs elsewhere because, with the exception of very few posters, she certainly didn’t get it here.

Who needs assessment by professionals than 🙄

Spectrum related SEN. 😂 Autism isn't a dirty word y'know.

The post is a dumpster fire tbh I'm surprised that people only picked up on odd and not strange and bizarre too.

Obviously, nobody should be forced to be friends with someone they don't want to be and OP should speak to the teacher but I hope things get better for the little girl and she gets support to find her own circle and not be so isolated.

Obviously OP isn't a professional but I remember when the teacher called my autistic son's verbal stimming "strange noises" and I was pretty offended. Hopefully, people can take the time to educate themselves instead of getting offended at people pointing out that they're offensive.

The point is many posters have deceided this girl is definitely autistic bsed on a couple of paragraphs ,maybe she is maybe she isn't but posters can't just decide she is t,they dont know her have never met her etc.

I’d be asking the school if they encourage kids to have an inclusive mindset and if they teach the benefits of this, i.e. what we can learn from each other.

There doesn’t seem to be much of that going on, much to the detriment of some of the kids. You go much further as an adult if you have that approach.

And this is true, I wasn’t

So do I, and I disagree. You’ll know obviously that a diagnosis isn’t necessary for the Equality Act to apply.

Maybe she wasn’t referring to the op’s posts as regards ableism.

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…

The OP's bowed out now, but reading her first post was basically like reading a description of myself as a child. I was that odd little girl -- and yes, I now have a late diagnosis of ASD. I sang to myself sometimes, talked constantly about my special interests, and definitely would have said 'worship' as a fancy word to mean 'I really like you'. I read all the time, got along better with adults than other children, and had a dry, sarcastic sense of humour that really didn't fly with the other eleven year olds. And while I was pretty tone-deaf as to how I was coming across, I definitely knew I was odd.

I have no problems with the word odd. I WAS odd. I still am, lol -- but have also made my special interest into a career, am highly respected in my field, and teach and mentor others.

Here's hoping that Odd Little Girl will grow up to be a world-class entomologist!

I work with the Equality Act every day. OP has not been ableist at all as far as l can see. There is no diagnosis as far as she is aware, and she’s been very careful not to assign labels. Which is more than l can say for many posters here.

Just because something is normal doesn't mean everybody does it. There is a reason why everybody assumed ASD but that doesn't mean every autistic person will have those traits.

It does sound like she could possibly be autistic and not odd, strange or bizarre. Let the poor girl fit in somewhere ffs

And you know they’re not how exactly?The description from the op errs towards ND far more than NT,it was pretty much a tick box for ND in girls. Who knows if said child would reach the threshold for diagnosis but it’s pretty ludicrous to suggest there is no ND at play here.

To be honest, nobody here sounds very inclusive. The poor little girl has lots of ASD needs that the school are clearly not meeting. Your daughter has tried but is being relied upon to support a situation that is too intense for her. She will end up further disliking the child she tried to include and there is concern that by trying to include the child she is exhausted and being ostracised by her peers. The whole school needs to take a good look at this little girl and how everyone can work to acknowledge her obvious needs and better include her. The sort of class group that ostracises your child because they try to play with an SEN child and help them a bit is really not one I would want my child to want to be involved with anyway. The negative language used around the child who everyone describes as "odd", by the adults who parent the rest of the class is working to reinforce the negativity. Definitely speak to the teacher and the Headteacher. This situation should not have been allowed to occur and further work on differences needs to begin at once.