Just leave - even if you have nowhere to go.

You plan.

I started with my phone. Bought a new one, waited for the inevitable explosion, digs, accusation of needing a burner phone etc. One of the first times I took control.

I had an entire world to unpick, but I manged eventually over three years. Free now.

It depends on how bad it has gotten. Sometimes it is worth leaving with nothing but what you can carry.

sometimes you need to take time to plan. Take steps to rearrange your finances and your working situation so that you do have the ability to earn separate from him. Squirrel away enough for a deposit. Then rent a flat and leave. You can go after your share of the assets from a place of safety.

Well it depends on the situation doesn’t it?

Yes you absolutely should “just leave” if you’re in an abusive relationship and your life is at risk. Very few people don’t know a single soul that would help them, but if they don’t you go to the police, women’s aid, shelter, the council. None of the stuff you listed matters in that scenario.

If you are not at risk, you start making plans. Whether it takes you a month or a year, you leave when you’ve put enough money aside to be able to go.

Leaving is never easy, but you have to pick your “hard”. Staying will be harder long term.
Many of us have done it and will be happy to help you with advice and support.

Can you start to subtly make changes?
Does he have 2 cars in his name or do you share 1?
Can you sort your stuff subtly to make it easy to move?
Can you save a deposit for a rental property in your own name?
I would definitely speak to Women's Aid for advice. I did it totally alone and it was tough. I did have 4 children though (1 was his).

You can do this, even if you have to spend most of 2025 setting it up.

If you're not in imminent danger then start getting organised. "Lose" your phone and subscribe to a new one, start getting organised and contact a women's help group who can guide you. Wish you all the Best.

Good for you, in your wilfull and blissful ignorance, with your 'hubby', whom you 'love love love' (🤮).
I'm guessing you've never been in a relationship where you've been beaten or kept prisoner by a man?

I think situations are always more complicated than can be put on MN.
However, if it's a violent situation where you are at risk, all the things on your list are inconsequential in relation to your life and safety.

You've painted yourself into a corner and you don't say if you're in an abusive relationship or not.

Why would you lose your business if you separated from your partner? If you're married you'll get a share of the assets, so you won't be destitute.

Buy a new phone and a PAYG SIM card.

You need to get legal advice.

Are you really that hard of thinking?

It depends why you need to leave OP. If you’re not safe you just need to get away safely and none of the stuff matters. Womens aid/Police/NCDV.
DV charities can help organise the cats if you can take them.

If you’ve got time to get organised start making plans now. You can do it. It will be worth it. There’s a list somewhere: passport, I.d, proof of address etc, certificates.

You can always get more stuff in the future.

OP I'm sorry this is your situation. I just left and it was hard. I moved into a refuge and waited for a home. I left everything behind and every other day, I regretted my decision. I had no home, no garden. no job, was far from family, friends and everything I knew. Plus I was grieving the death of my sister. But I don't regret it for a second!!! As what we have now was so worth the struggle of leaving.

There are centres specifically set up for the temporary rehoming for pets- for owners who are dealing with domestic abuse.

Certain banks give a fund to help with flee costs. I wasn't aware at the time, but you can always find out.

Is your business something that can be done remotely or outsourced, whilst you're trying to figure your life out.

Don't worry about storage. It's hard to say, but the belongings just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Your life is worth so much more.

For me I always thought I don't want to be remembered as a statistic, or a shrine on a photo wall, album or in a phone. I wanted to live and not lose my life at the hands of a loser.

There's so much help out there- seek it out. It will be hard- I can't lie. But everything can be gained again, only this time it comes with a strong sense of freedom, peace and no stress. Give yourself a chance. You've got this!!!

You say you gave a business, are you making much money from that?
Can you build it up a bit to increase income?

Why would you loose your business if you left?

I think you need to start working your way 1 by 1 through each point in your list and see if you can resolve each one, it may take a while but it might be doable

For the cats you can google Lifeline at Cats Protection who will arrange a foster for your cats while you get sorted. I was a fosterer for this programme and it was an absolutely pleasure to look after someone’s cats and to help them out.

You leave by starting to gather information and making a plan. Good luck - thinking of you

Do you have Friends or family op? Can you Couch surf if possible until you figure something out? Is there anyone who can give you a loan of money to tide you over or can you get money out?

Other than the business, I did this and left one night leaving everything behind. Stayed with a friend for a few weeks. Borrowed money for rent deposit. Bought second hand stuff. It was hard. But it's doable.

It was many many years ago and I didn’t own a car or have pets. Mobile phones weren’t a thing back then. However, I did have 3 young children and I did walk out with nothing other than the clothes on our backs, because he’d have been suspicious if I’d taken anything else at all. We walked for about a mile and my then 6 year old son said, ‘are we safe now mummy?’ I knew leaving like that was the only thing I could have done.
Sometimes it is the only thing you can do, but if things aren’t that bad, then yes get things in order and leave once you have.

Can you prepare to leave ? Is it safe enough to save and prepare to leave ? Is the car in his name for a reason ? Are you able to change this , who pays for it ? How is your financial situation ?

I did just leave.

10 years ago, with the clothes on my back, and the children's and I built myself back up from nothing.

I managed to scramble together a deposit for a rental property, free second hand household items and furniture off Facebook.

It was the hardest few years of my life, but I'm bloody proud of myself for getting out!

I'm now married again, and will never put myself in the position of not having anything for myself. My DH is great and a wonderful man.

"If you're married wait till he's at work pack up the car and go, it's a joint asset. If not hire a van for £40 pack up the van and go. Pick up a £500 fiat 500 to tide you over."

But just go where?

Start building your exit plan. "Tidy the house" into grabbable entities. Paperwork, passports etc to be sorted into one easy to find folder/box, if you leave in a hurry don't pack, grab the laundry basket. It sounds stupid but if your laundry basket is full grab that (or the contents thereof), it can all be washed, there will be more in there than faffing round the wardrobes. Even better if when you are helpfully tidying the house you've sorted the laundry baskets into one for you and the kids, one for him...
Open a credit card and a bank account in your name only, get something like Monzo which is all virtual and no post into your house. If you do leave in a hurry, find a premier inn or similar for a night, then go to the council/call out of hours at a weekend the next morning.

It can be done, it has been done, you can do it.

How does this help the OP current situation?

Who is the main driver on the insurance? Are you married?

It's about getting your ducks in a row. Get a business phone set up now and change the number on your business contacts (just say you need to separate it off). You can contact the network and ask the retain the number but you need court orders etc so it will be easier to just change it.

If you're married wait till he's at work pack up the car and go, it's a joint asset. If not hire a van for £40 pack up the van and go. Pick up a £500 fiat 500 to tide you over.

I just left and went to a women's refuge until the divorce was sorted, one child. Staying was intolerable. I had to give up my well paid job in order to get legal aid. I worked again after the divorce was done but it was the only choice I had at the time.

Yes yes yes
Love my hubby, got such a good one.
However, I earn my own money, have my own car, my own phone, everything.
I owe no one anything.

I don't get why anyone lets anyone else be the author of their life.